Dear friends, do as I say, not as I do. If you are leaving the house to run errands, don’t forget to brush your teeth and hair. And check to make sure that you remembered to get dressed in the first place. Especially if one of those errands happens to be a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew your license. Even more importantly if said license requires a new photo.
No, I am not that senile yet. I do, indeed have a birthday coming up this month, and it’s a big one, but I don’t think brain cells abandon ship as a unit. There is a reasonable explanation. I blame my long underwear.
It is December, and it’s cold. The temperature dropped so low last week that my tomatoes almost froze. As I am sure all of my Christmas-tomato-farming friends are aware, that’s pretty chilly, so it only makes sense to wear long underwear under my pajamas. And there’s the problem. Long underwear is fitted and hugs my legs. Like pants. So my coffee-deprived brain is tricked into thinking that I have already gotten dressed. And as it is never good to over-think going to the DMV, the moment the reminder to renew my license popped up, the kid and I jumped in the car and left.
It was when we were getting out of the car that I finally noticed my attire. Old t-shirt, thermal top with a large rip in the elbow, pajama pants. I was horrified. Let the record show, I don’t leave the house in an elastic waistband unless I am going to exercise, and most of the time not even then.For me, elastic is the beginning of a slippery slope that starts with comfort and ends in polyester stretch-pants. I am not ready to go there yet. But as we had already made the trip, I decided to bite the bullet and go in. I figured that the old picture still looked enough like me that it would serve another 5 years. They could photo-shop in some crows feet and a few more gray hairs and be done with it.
Sadly, I discovered it is not possible to reuse the old photo if you go to the office in person. Surveying my reflection in the window, I was very, very sad. I wanted no photographic evidence of this moment at all, much less one that I would have to show every shop clerk on the planet for the next five years. But there is goodness in the world. The merciful clerk looked me up and down and suggested that I renew online.
I wonder if something like this would happen if I wore footie pajamas?
Appropriate attire for Christmas morning, or for the mother of a 2 week old baby. NOT appropriate for your driver's license.
the waiting
December 5, 2011 at 9:28 am
I had to go get my photo taken at the DMV the day after I found out I was pregnant, so my picture looks like I am preparing to engulf the entire place in vomit. Good times.
becomingcliche
December 5, 2011 at 9:30 am
I was almost 9 months pregnant when my last pic was taken, but the chipmunk cheeks were infinitely preferable to the “I’m too cool to put my clothes on” look.
The Byronic Man
December 5, 2011 at 9:33 am
Your outfit sounds very grunge. I hear that looks coming back in. You’re just a little ahead of your time. Or maybe 20 years behind.
becomingcliche
December 5, 2011 at 2:14 pm
That pretty much sums up my fashion sense. Twenty years behind.
booksnob
December 5, 2011 at 9:57 am
Heh. It’s a good thing your birthday is in December. Mine is in June and the tank top I’m wearing in my last license picture makes it look like I went to the DMV with no top on.
becomingcliche
December 5, 2011 at 2:15 pm
My friend taught a class online after a date wearing a strapless dress. The rest is history.
ceciliag
December 5, 2011 at 10:09 am
Oh no poor darling, my sister once got ready to go out in a hurry and did her eyebrows in green eye liner pencil.. she is not very good at checking the mirror either.. and tons of people go out in the PJ”S out here, just come on out to the midwest.. you will fit right in! c
Transitioning Mom
December 5, 2011 at 10:15 am
The last time I had to renew in person, I lost the privilege of driving without my glasses. I can only imagine what other harsh facts they will make me face with my next renewal. But I’m telling ya now, if that clerk even raises an eyebrow when I list my weight, she’s going down!
Gilly
December 5, 2011 at 11:16 am
I have my best DMV pic ever right now. It is so good that I am only too happy to get carded. i don’t want to renew. Not ever, never! Like booksnob, two pictures and two states back, I had the topless look. I wanted to tell everyone who saw it, “Look, I really had a shirt on!” I did! I DID!!!
booksnob
December 5, 2011 at 11:40 am
My best license ever was when I lived in Arizona. I was so sad when I moved back to California and they made me hand it over to be destroyed. I tried to get them to let me keep it, just punch a hole in it or mark it as invalid some other way, but they refused.
becomingcliche
December 5, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Is your license pic also your gravatar? Because you really rock the no-shave November look.
angrymiddleagewoman
December 5, 2011 at 11:18 am
Do you know how many people I see at the airport dressed exactly like you were? I’m going to start going up to them and requesting to see their driver’s license. Of course I might wind up in one of those TSA holding cells for that . . .
The DMV – maybe you just thought you were having a nightmare!
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 9:32 am
I know. I see them, too. I just didn’t want to BE one of them.
Bothered
December 5, 2011 at 11:37 am
I just got my DMV photo taken, and I somehow by some miracle I took a good photo. The woman who took it actually says it was good. When she said smile, I for some reason actually did. Just be thankful that they only take head shots, and not full body photos.
becomingcliche
December 5, 2011 at 2:21 pm
That IS something to be thankful for! *shudder*
I have a theory, though. If it’s a good photo, the ID isn’t valid.
Antigone's Clamor
December 5, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Made me laugh!! Lucky you
themiddlestsister
December 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm
hahaha, nice employee!
Aurora, HSP
December 5, 2011 at 3:39 pm
LOL You are a very funny chickie, love your little windows of real life
momentsofexhilaration
December 5, 2011 at 11:04 pm
Love it! I went to the grocery store in my slippers a few weeks ago… They’re moccasins, so they at least mildly pass for shoes, but still. It was definitely a low point!
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 6:30 am
This past summer, I had a weird habit of leaving the house with no shoes on at all. I’d holler for the kids to put their shoes on and then forget my own. At least I haven’t left the house with NO pants on.
themiddlestsister
December 6, 2011 at 9:53 am
I did this once! My husband and I and the kiddo were invited to a friend’s dinner in Kentucky, so I got the baby dressed and ready, diaper bag, extra outfits, etc and then we ran out the door. Halfway there, I realized I was wearing no shoes. It was too late to turn around, so I just excused myself when we walked in the door and said, “It IS Kentucky, right? Isn’t this the status quo?”
jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown
December 6, 2011 at 12:41 am
I haven’t had a good ID pic since high school. My last one had my bra strap showing and the gal didn’t tell me, and the current one has one side of my hair poofing out while the other side is flat. And my neck looks like I have a thyroid issue because of the lighting, I hope.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 6:31 am
That makes me feel a little better. Misery loves company, after all. Care for some tea?
writeonereallife
December 6, 2011 at 9:28 am
Oh My Gosh! Fantastic post.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 9:30 am
You know those dreams where you show up to school in your underwear? It’s like that. Except someone has a camera.
Chris Sheridan
December 7, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I think that your appropriate attire for Christmas morning photo would look great on your drivers license. Most people’s DMV photos look like mug shots. At least you look happy.
youngamericanwisdom.com
December 8, 2011 at 9:30 am
You can renew on line? I had no idea. Thanks for the laugh!