This is the post where I address all of the hot button issues in parenting today. Beware. Strong opinions are herein contained. Consider yourself warned.
Ready to take some heat.
Feeding of Infants: Yes. Feed them. They insist on it. And feeding them makes them smile, although it does make them poop, too. Which leads us to:
Cloth Diapers/ Disposable diapers It is my opinion that if you are going to use diapers on your infant, you simply must use cloth or disposable.
Attachment Parenting: I’m not on board with this in general. Many grandparents are older and less tech-savvy and can’t actually open the attachments. Send them hard copies of all pictures. If your grandma has some mad tech skills, by all means send some attachments. And for attachment in general, I prefer velcro.
Free Range Kids- It is wrong to confine a child to a small cage where they are forced to lay eggs their whole lives. I am very against this. Their eggs are better quality when they’re allowed to roam a bit.
Childproofing - The amount of childproofing in a home should be inversely proportional to the quality of the health care coverage.
Junk Food: I don’t share.
Television: Flat screen.
Vaccinations: It’s the law. Get that rabies shot.
Homeschooling- It is pointless. I have been trying for years to get my house to do that twirly thing that Dorothy’s does to no avail. Perhaps my house is just not as smart. I may never get to Oz.
Competitive Mothering - I am way better at competitive mothering than you are.
There. Now let the sparks fly. I’ve got my fire extinguisher ready.
Photo: unrestrictedstock.com
evolutionarymom
December 6, 2011 at 9:01 am
You are a breath of fresh air. I wholeheartedly agree.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 9:02 am
I wasn’t expecting anyone to agree with me. I was expecting people to throw things. There’s still time.
faerylandmom
December 8, 2011 at 6:38 pm
*throws banana at your head*
becomingcliche
December 9, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Judges you for not throwing organic bananas instead.
lesliehobson
December 6, 2011 at 9:16 am
Plus, free-range children just taste better
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 9:17 am
I modestly propose agreement.
Gilly
December 6, 2011 at 9:21 am
Your stance on diapers is a bit too strong, in my opinion. Cloth and/or disposable? CALM DOWN!
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 9:22 am
I know. I hesitated to write that one. I don’t want people to think that I am not open-minded. I just find that aluminum foil is not absorbent enough.
Carmen
December 6, 2011 at 10:21 am
LOL!!!!
writeonereallife
December 6, 2011 at 9:30 am
HA!!!! I’ll stand beside you on all points. Aim that extinguisher in the other direction!
the waiting
December 6, 2011 at 10:27 am
‘Dem’s fighting words!
Seriously, that was awesome. I’m in such a good mood now. And I’m posting this on FB.
ifiwerebraveblog
December 6, 2011 at 10:50 am
I have one to add:
The Ferber (crying it out) method at bedtime – If I feel like crying at the end of the day, who’s gonna stop me!
angrymiddleagewoman
December 6, 2011 at 11:38 am
Amen sister, amen!
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 11:47 am
Agreed. I cry it out a lot. Just got back from Wal-mart, which is where I tend to do the most crying.
Christina
December 6, 2011 at 11:02 am
I read your posts and wish that I would have written them. But then again, you will be the one to receive all the hate mail, not me, so I suppose it’s all good.
sugarbabiesonline
December 6, 2011 at 11:10 am
LOL!! Thanks for the laugh this morning
angrymiddleagewoman
December 6, 2011 at 11:44 am
I agree with childproofing – you should have proof that the child is yours. Especially if you are the father and cannot attempt to prove this by pointing out the irreparable damage carrying said child did to your body.
PS – you are really going out on a limb with this post and should rein it in going forward.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 11:48 am
I know. I am afraid people will see me as totally militant now.
Laura
December 6, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I can’t believe you wrote something like this. You know how much I depend on the income from my Steel Wool Diaper etsy store.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 12:31 pm
I’m so sorry! I hate it when I offend my readers! And I know how much I love my steel wool socks.
NIcole Hamlett
December 6, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Whooooah! Flatscreen is vague lady! You need to take a stand on LED or LCD. I refuse to allow this debauchery of the female opinion continue.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 12:52 pm
I never meant to be vague, of course. The type of flat screen MUST have an “L” in it. More clear?
Christine
December 6, 2011 at 2:11 pm
I totally agree – especially about TV! When I read the title, I thought maybe you were going to address the toilet paper – over or under? debate. Then you really could have started a flamewar!
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Oh, toilet paper. I am not that brave yet. And am also of the “scoot on the carpet” school.
MJ, Nonstepmom
December 6, 2011 at 2:30 pm
This is oozing with attitude needed to keep sanity, I love it! & You imply junk food is for sharing; this is not stated on any bag of chips.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Junk food is definitely not for sharing. Ever. Ever. If you are me, anyway.
The Byronic Man
December 6, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I disagree with everything you said! Even the things I didn’t understand! And I accuse you of hating freedom and of probably being some sort of sexual deviant! Becoming Cliche is the greatest threat to your life and stuff and happiness since Attila the Hun!
There. Thought I’d help stoke the fires a bit.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm
I find I am more passionate about disagreeing with stuff when I don’t understand it in the first place.
Thanks for fanning the flames. I’m aiming to be the center of a global controversy.
Bobsscrapbookandjournal
December 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I like no. 8 the best. I’m not sure which one that is, but I’m pretty sure I probably like it the best.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Yes. Commit early. Without knowing facts. That’s my way.
Angie Z.
December 6, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I’m completely offended. What nerve you have. You don’t even know me or my children.
I don’t know if I can even look in your snowman beady little eyes again after this. But you’re damn funny so I will try.
becomingcliche
December 6, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I know. I am all Judgey McJudgerson. When you look at my snowman can you tell if he is happy? Or is he screaming?
apronheadlilly
December 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm
My son and his wife work in Shanghai. In China, toddlers walk along with a slit in their underwear that allows them to potty wherever and whenever. Saves on the dispoable and the cloth issue. Mm, environmental issue. Not sure.
becomingcliche
December 7, 2011 at 6:36 am
That sounds like what I wear. Judge me?
ceciliag
December 6, 2011 at 8:13 pm
the snowman is screaming because someone put junk food in his cloth nappy and attached him to the tv, then said go free little snowman if you can, learn something and cook me some eggs! Actually I thought that was going to be funnier but it is late.. do I get points for joining in?.. celi
becomingcliche
December 7, 2011 at 6:36 am
You get LOTS of points for joining.
nevercontrary
December 6, 2011 at 9:35 pm
LMAO this is awesome
Charlotte
December 7, 2011 at 3:30 am
Lovit!
plutonym
December 7, 2011 at 5:27 am
love this post.
As far as TV and your children go – get them one of their own. They watch all that awful animated stuff.
becomingcliche
December 7, 2011 at 6:37 am
Why didn’t I think of that?
alliwaw
December 7, 2011 at 8:54 am
hahahaha. Love it! You have a funny way with words and ideas
Mary
December 7, 2011 at 4:10 pm
You make me smile.
Coming East
December 7, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Cloth diapers are definitely the only way to go because that means the little boogers will have something to dust with when you make them do housework. That is one reason we have children.
becomingcliche
December 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm
My older two are now into the child-labor phase of development. I couldn’t be happier!
faerylandmom
December 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm
You know…I’m offended. I got all geared up to read offensive things. Then you made me laugh. So now I’m offended because you lied about offending me. And now I’m happy.
Haley
December 9, 2011 at 3:13 pm
I think I enjoyed the comments just as much as the post. Thanks for the chill pill – I needed it.
becomingcliche
December 9, 2011 at 3:23 pm
The comments are always the best part.