Where I Draw the Line

I know now why middle aged women begin to wear questionable clothing. Sequins, stretch pants (hopefully not the same outfit), weird jeans, etc. It’s not because they’ve suddenly gone blind or lost all fashion sense. It’s because their teenage daughters have begun raiding their wardrobe. These women haven’t given up on looking good, they’re just desperate to have something in their closet that will still be there when they go looking for it, something their teen wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. I can now relate.

She’s not after my jewelry, I know that. There’s only one thing of value, and I’m not sure she’s all that interested in a macaroni necklace. And I don’t worry about my jeans. She weighs about 12 pounds with rocks in her pockets. I weigh closer to 15 pounds, you know. And she’s not interested in my makeup. Because I don’t actually have any. Well, I do. but a half-tube of mascara I got free from Earth Fare last year and some eye shadow left over from the last century don’t seem to speak to her. Weird, I know. The things that are disappearing from under my nose are my tops.

I give her credit. She does ask before she borrows. Except for my Birkenstock clogs, which I know are hidden away in her room somewhere, and I will find them or die trying. I told you Birkenstocks are cool!  I digress. She asks. But it still bugs me. She raided the storage shelves yesterday and emerged bearing an armload of treasures, which, to add insult to injury, she proceeded to model for me. It is really unfair that they all look so much better on her. They were are mine. The really cute oversize sweater makes her look like an adorable little elf. The same garment makes me look like the Michelin man. The old sweat shirt makes her look all cozy and comfortable. It makes me look like I’ve given up on life.

Fine. She can have them. I can’t wear them again knowing how good they could look (but don’t). And she uses lots of products from the Lotion and Smelly Stuff Works, so she has effectively scent-marked all my sweaters. We know I won’t be wearing those again.

It’s not all bad, I guess. In a way, it’s validating. My taste can’t be too far off if my kid wants to wear steal my clothes. And there’s plenty more where that came from. All I have to do is go back to the thrift store to replenish the wardrobe. But this time, she went too far. She asked to wear my Slytherin t-shirt.

Is nothing sacred?

She has yet to ask to borrow THIS sweater. It is made from genuine boomkin pelt, I think.

 

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61 thoughts on “Where I Draw the Line

  1. I know exactly what you are saying, and as to the scent Marking!! Well! I am with you sister, My daughter has been borrowing my clothes for so long that i have begun to borrow back, this is fun. And now that she lives in a different country to me, she will call me as her plane flies out and says Oh did i tell you i have borrowed that v necked, cashmere, baby blue top that matches my eyes.. and she is talking about her eyes not mine! Oh did i forget to tell you?, oh have to run, we are boarding!! c

  2. Ha, and here I thought middle-aged women dress like that to keep up with their daughters. Who knew. Thanks for clarifying that.
    Now I can rest assured that my wardrobe is safe for I only have a boy (for now). Unfortunately he finds my one item of make-up (a black eyeliner) quite enticing. Pun alert: That’s where I draw the line hehehe.

  3. “Is nothing sacred?” I credit my mom with that one–oh if I had a nickel for everytime she said that to me–I’d be a millionare. Now if I also had a nickel for everytime I have now said it–I’b be a billionare! Why haven’t I been givin these elusive nickels? IS NOTHING SACRED?!

  4. Love it! I used to raid my mom’s closet when I did costumes for my school’s theatre company. I would never tell her and then she would come to shows and be all, “that’s my skirt. Those are my pants! Half this bloody cast is outfitted with my clothing!!”

    Good times.

    I really love that boomkin sweater because it totally looks like what I picture Swedish film directors would wear. You should call it your Bergman look (but then your daughter may want it.)

  5. I’ll be visiting my 86-year-old mother in Pittsburgh in about ten days. I’ll be traveling light, knowing I can borrow a sweater or pjs when I get there. You’re never too old to borrow from mom, though it takes on a different slant in adulthood!

  6. I can so recall going through my mom’s boxes of clothes she’d saved from her growing up years. bell bottoms and peasant pants. I thought they were so cool. I’m not sure my daughter will feel the same way about my clothes. I’m not sure if i should be relieved or disappointed in that fact.

  7. What a compliment that she wants to borrow your stuff! I would’ve died before wearing my mom’s clothes when I was a kid. She was always trying to get me into her Talbot’s wear when I was fourteen and I thusly always wanted to stab myself.

  8. Absolutely hilarious – again! I have a daughter who stays away from my closet but loves my makeup mirror (yes, we are sharing a tiny space around this makeup mirror since she’s home for winter break), makeup, tweezers, my socks, tights, and scarves. I wear mismatched socks to work and camouflage by wearing boots, plus the non-tweezed mustache is truly a good look! Gotta love her.

  9. 1) I’d say it’s a matter of time before she’s takin’ that boomkin sweater- that thing is sweet :)
    2) Believe it or not I have this same problem with my wife! I’ve gotten to the point where I’m having to rescue clothes from her closet on a daily basis. And no, I’m not a cross dresser- they’re all men’s clothes. Although, on that note, maybe I need to get some super manly clothes, like all 100% cow hide or something- that’d do the trick.
    3) Thanks for the post! Your thoughts are always entertaining.

    • My daughter said she’s pretty sure that sweater is made out of Yeti, so she wants nothing to do with it.

      I do raid my husband’s stuff from time to time. What can I say? He has some cool sweatshirts. Or sweatshirts, period.

  10. This past weekend I went shoppiing with Tink for a dress for her to wear to her cousin’s wedding. I was both proud of how amazing she looked and depressed at the fact that I will never come close to looking that great again. Now when someone says, “Your daughter looks just like you.” I take it as an awesome compliment!

  11. I loved to steal my mum and father’s clothes! Man, I looked like a crazy person in men’s shirts, pegged jeans, and loafers, but I felt so cool looking like Denise in The Cosby Show! Too bad I was Rudi’s age…

  12. I waited all my childhood to grow as tall as my father to wear what he wears, after all, I have to step into his shoes at some point, No? Why not start with clothes. Now, however, I feel a thousand years too early to wear that shirt I admired so much, when young. I may have looked cute in that leather jacket all those years back, but now, its just sad.
    Your daughter will probably grow tired of wearing your stuff soon enough. Hopefully, before the boomkin raid :)

  13. I remember driving my mom nuts by constantly borrowing her stuff. She even still occasionally calls me on the phone and accuses me of it when something goes missing, even though we’re living in two different states.

    I have yet to experience it myself, except in my classroom (I’m a high school English teacher). I can be stingy with my office supplies. I just hate it when students use up my spare paper for something not-so-productive, like making paper airplanes or throwing stars (guess who gets to pick those up off the floor later?). Or when they borrow my Expo markers to write “Emo” or “Stupid” on someone’s forehead. And my nice Swingline stapler? Last year it went missing for FIVE MONTHS, until a student found it all the way out in the woodworking shop, like a mile away from my English classroom. Seriously? Don’t touch my stapler!

  14. I never went through this with my mom (I wouldn’t touch her clothes with a ten foot pole at any point in my teenage years). Now I’ve since come to mourn the things she got rid of: a chocolate pair of suede boots, a mandarin-style ’70s maxi dress, a camel colored trenchcoat, a pair of black pointy-toed pumps. All of them looked revolting to me at the time (though all would’ve looked revolting on her had she worn them in 1991 as opposed to 1978). Sigh, what might’ve been….

  15. Pingback: Guns and Dolls for Christmas « Under The Bed on My Birthday

  16. Hilarious, I can identify. But now with my eldest girls in their 20′s with some style, I flipped the scenario and let them buy the clothes so I raid their closets sometimes instead. Unfortunately I have more weight on me then they do, but it’s a New Year tomorrow, and maybe it’ll be the year to lose some more weight which would result in a larger wardrobe choice….yeah, keep dreaming’ baby!

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