I Solemnly Swear

I will hike at least four new trails this year. In addition to the old favorites.

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Yes, I did it. You knew I would. I made a list of resolutions. I know it’s cliche. Have we met? So here they are, in no particular order.

1) When the seeds of doubt are sown, I will choose to not water them. I don’t water anything else. Why should doubt be special?

2) I will return special favors. At least once this year, I will pee in the cats’ bed and see how they like it.

3) This is the year that I will remember that kitty litter goes in the trash can, not the recycle bin.

4) A blog a day keeps the doctor away. And by doctor, I mean psychiatrist. And by “a blog a day,” I mean five days a week,

5) I will be in public the person that I am in private. Expect to see me in my pajamas a lot.

6) I will exercise daily and get in better shape. Playing the Wii and jumping to conclusions are considered exercise, right?

7) I will finish my book and look for an agent. The book I’m writing, not the one I’m reading. Although it would be fun to be represented for someone else’s book. Wonder if they could get me a cut.

8 ) I will not compare my progress to others, even if I am lapped by an old man with a 15 year old dog, either in real life or the literary equivalent.

9) I will not jump to the conclusion that my children want something when they go out of their way to do something nice for me. I will accept it for what it really is – that they know I am insane and must be humored.

10) I will learn a new language. That’s right, this is the year that I will learn to speak to teenagers.

11) I will drink more water. Add a little carbonation, caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, and it will be great! Throw in a splash of bourbon, and it’s practically anti-bacterial.

12) I will teach my cat to talk. She’s part Siamese, so I’m almost cheating on this one.  She’s so chatty she’s almost speaking English already.

13) I will be more environmentally friendly. This year I will only buy books second-hand or in e-format. Unless J.K. Rowling comes out with a new Harry Potter. A girl’s gotta have some wiggle room, you know.

14) I will not let Phoebe occupy my husband’s side of the bed when he’s out of town anymore. Or let her wear his shoes. Or drink out of his coffee mug.

15)  I will have an overnight getaway with my husband, just the two of us. Okay, three of us. Phoebe will want to come, too.

No coffee for Phoebe? No shoes? No fun. Why don't you love me?

I’ll be spending the next couple of days catching up and responding to comments. Thanks for hanging out with me this year. Looking forward to 2012.

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50 thoughts on “I Solemnly Swear

  1. This is great – made me laugh lots. My only resolution this year was to stop making resolutions, but I might adopt some of yours! Happy new year – can’t wait to read more of your posts in 2012…

  2. Beautiful! And if it’s any consolation, this is the least cliche list of resolutions I have ever seen. My favourite are the special favours. Thanks for the great laugh, looking forward to more of these in 2012.

    • Not cliche. Rats. I need to work on that. Should I have added I want to lose weight? Not my weight, of course. Putting the cat on a diet. But then I shouldn’t teach her to speak, because then she will only swear at me.

  3. Pingback: A Battery-Operated Halo, and an Award or Two « Kana's Chronicles

  4. Literally seconds before reading #8 (comparing your progress to others), I noticed how many followers your blog has, became consumed with envy and decided my blog was crap and a failure. Now I feel a little bad. I may have to jump to the bourbon portion of #11.

  5. I love this New Year resolutions list! Lol. All of them are great. I was supposed to quote which among them is my favorite but I can’t choose! They’re all great and funny!

  6. “I will be in public the person that I am in private”

    I commend you! I myself try to be exactly who I am in real life as I am behind closed doors. However I do not think you will get the notice you are expecting by wearing PJs out in public. That is already done too much by slacker hipsters as it is. lol

    Instead do like I do. Viking helmet, coconut bra and chainmail thong! (might want to shave for that last one)

  7. Phoebe…what a sweetie…perhaps a decaffeinated coffee in a bowl instead?!
    I think you’re brave to make resolutions, especially the blogging one…such hard work…good luck!
    Happy New Year 2012 to you…thanks for my laughter fix for the day! :OD

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