I spent my day off cleaning the garage, throwing away all the useless crap we will never need again. No good deed goes unpunished. Last night, my lovely daughter said “Mom, when you’re down in the garage cleaning, can you look for some Beanie babies? I need them for school.” Um, Beanie babies? The ones you haven’t touched in five years? The ones I loaded into trash bags to haul off? Those Beanie babies?
Yes, as it turns out. Those exact Beanie babies. Why does a high school student need stuffed toys? I suspected a ploy to make me feel guilty for throwing stuff away. “Why do you need them?” was my clever query. I restrained myself from sticking out my tongue and adding “Nyah”
“Latin club is participating in a convention. I wanted some stuffed birds so students can chuck them at Prometheus’ liver.”
Well, poop. I guess she really did need them. I’m never throwing anything away again.
I'm pretty sure this is what Rubens really had in mind.
sj
April 16, 2012 at 9:48 am
NEVER. AGAIN.
I still can’t believe she seriously needed them. She’s an enabler.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 10:22 am
I KNOW! I thought she was yanking my chain at first.
Animalcouriers
April 16, 2012 at 9:50 am
So, you seriously think you needed an excuse?
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 10:21 am
I didn’t. But I have one, so now I can do it guilt-free.
Gilly
April 16, 2012 at 10:00 am
Eep! I can’t let Patrick read this post… I’m as impressed by your daughter as I am scared of your new vow to hoard.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 10:21 am
My trash can is weeping from loneliness. But those coffee grounds can be used for something, by gum!
linda anselmi
April 17, 2012 at 9:29 am
put the coffee grounds and banana peels in your garden to enrich the soil.
Sandra Parsons
April 16, 2012 at 10:19 am
Isn’t it always like this? You finally throw away those W28 skinny jeans because your fat 36 ass will never fit into them again and then, two months later you discover the new super special no-hunger diet that makes you lose enough weight to finally squeeze back into them.
Only that second bit never really happens, it’s just wishful thinking. But it totally could, right?
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 10:20 am
The moment you throw them away, your appetite will disappear. It’s some cosmic law.
Tragic Sandwich
April 16, 2012 at 10:30 am
When I was in elementary school, we went to the National Zoo to see the white tigers. I bought a small stuffed animal version.
In junior high, we had to write and perform a skit for Spanish class about going to the zoo. In my group’s skit, the zookeeper left the gate open, leading to an animal escape that was best demonstrated by flinging the stuffed white tiger at a doll.
So I guess what I have to say is: Team Daughter.
Sorry.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 11:04 am
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
iwonderbee
April 16, 2012 at 10:35 am
So.classic. I identify totally.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 11:06 am
I think it’s some sort of universal rule that we will instantly need that which we throw away.
DiatribesAndOvations.com
April 16, 2012 at 10:56 am
When she gets her own garage she can keep whatever you want. For now … “Your Garage, Your Rules”. Please don’t feel guilty for cleaning your daughter’s home.
PS: I killed off some Pokemon in much the same manner.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 11:03 am
She’s actually NOT A hoarder, interestingly. She just seems to be cued in on a psychic level to whatever junk has recently left the house. I don’t understand it.
hatzihatzi
April 16, 2012 at 11:32 am
I think this is why I so strongly believe in thrift stores. It seems a couple of times a month I am hauling a bag off to them, and getting a bag in return. It’s a good place for unwanted beanie babies, and a good place to pick up “new” ones if need be.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm
When I walked into the thrift store to donate, the woman at the counter looked me up and down and said “You’re not bringing in clothes are you?” I don’t think I can go back to that one.
MJ, Nonstepmom
April 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm
This is pretty much what I was going to say – nothing makes me feel better than to de-clutter and the re-sale shops have EVERYTHING !
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm
I’m waiting for the day when I end up rebuying my own stuff.
MJ, Nonstepmom
April 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm
The closest I’ve come is coming home with a great pair of shoes and realizing I already owned them. (Shh)
Valentine Logar
April 16, 2012 at 11:32 am
I offered my grown sons one opportunity to save their junk before it hit the trash. They rushed to the garage and tried the save until they realized they had to take it home with them.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 12:23 pm
The three bins of things that I am actually attached to were my toys from when I was a kid. I saved some of the kids’ toys for them, but I don’t care as much what happens to it.
lightlycrunchy
April 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm
My kid still looks at me suspiciously if she can’t find a stuffy (that she might have only touched once for about 3 minutes and then discarded, but that she remembers the name of, who gave it to her and what she might like to use it for someday).
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Every.single.time.
Teresa Cleveland Wendel
April 16, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Someday I’ll find a use for my troll dolls.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 12:31 pm
I have a jumbo troll doll. I think he keeps away bad guys. Very useful.
The Waiting
April 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm
She is going to be one Angry Bird when she finds out they’re gone.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm
She handled the news surprisingly well. Waiting for the backlash.
Jana @ The Jealousy Files
April 16, 2012 at 1:01 pm
My parents did this to my Sweet Pickles books. I *might* have gotten a bit upset. And I was 33. So, note to self: hoard everything. Forever.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm
Not the Sweet Pickles! Yeah, my mom did the same.
jessiekanelos
April 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Is my purple Princess Diana Beanie Baby worth more than a hacky sack now?
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 3:13 pm
I think it’s safe to go ahead and USE your Princess Di beanie as hacky sack.
benzeknees
April 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm
If you had cleaned your garage a week earlier & your daughter had asked for Beanie Babies, they would have been gone & she would have coped just fine. The only reason this feels like an excuse is because the “throwing out” & the “request” came so close together. Purge away! You’ll love the freedom from carrying around all that stuff.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 3:14 pm
I really do love the freedom. I feel so light and airy! And I can dance barefoot in the garage if I want to. And I do.
christine
April 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Terrible timing, you! I have been dying to rid our attic closet of Alice’s old toys and clothes. Now I won’t do it until she’s, well, in high school.
magsx2
April 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm
Hi,
Why does that seem to happen, nobody as used an item for years, but the minute you throw it out, they need it! This will always be a mystery.
speaker7
April 16, 2012 at 4:36 pm
It starts out with Beanie Babies and then ends with a nest of rats in a giant box of expired nutella crammed on top a towering pile of cabbage patch dolls. Or that’s what A&E Hoarders has led me to believe. TV is never wrong.
becomingcliche
April 16, 2012 at 4:39 pm
My rat says she’s not a fan of Cabbage Patch dolls. But she’ll take the Nutella.
EduDad
April 16, 2012 at 5:12 pm
I’m the opposite of a hoarder and I’ve often lived to regret it. Still I keep clearing stuff out. My wife is the opposite and it drives her nuts.
becomingcliche
April 17, 2012 at 1:25 pm
What hurts me the most is when I have to go back out and repurchase the crap that I just threw away.
EduDad
April 17, 2012 at 1:28 pm
I agree. I hate that.
cassiebehle
April 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm
Beanie Babies can class up anything, of that I am convinced.
becomingcliche
April 17, 2012 at 1:25 pm
I was thinking of adding a couple to a formal gown.
cassiebehle
April 17, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I’ve replaced the doilies around my apartment with Beanie Babies.
averagechildhood
April 16, 2012 at 7:41 pm
I threw away broken toys, like a plastic Jessie (from Toy Story) with it’s arms and legs snapped off. The very next day my five year old was looking for it. I said “She’s really broken, and you have a whole bunch of Jessie toys…” He looked at me like I was putting the dog to sleep “not TOO broken though, right?” Erasing parts of your kids memory is probably immoral, right?
becomingcliche
April 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm
Not too broken. So there’s a line there? No arms, not too broken. No head, safe to toss? What body part is the essence of who the character is? We need to ask our kids these questions.
nevercontrary
April 16, 2012 at 8:38 pm
I am the opposite of a hoarder. I throw away everything.
becomingcliche
April 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm
I am getting to that point.
lucysfootball
April 16, 2012 at 10:55 pm
This made me laugh so hard. I love the idea of kids pitching Beanie Babies at Prometheus.
becomingcliche
April 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm
I do, too. My kid is weird. I heart her.
readytochangenow
April 16, 2012 at 11:59 pm
Had you kept them she might have never needed them again
becomingcliche
April 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm
I guarantee she wouldn’t have. It wouldn’t have been so alarming if she had asked for them, say, six months down the road. But NO. 24 hours.
jeandayfriday
April 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Completely hilarious! I had a box of McDonald’s Happy Meal toys that the boys had given away. I ended up taking them to school and having students use them for a brown bag test (as symbols for items in a few novels). I would never have had such a cool assignment if I had thrown them away!
2browndawgs
April 18, 2012 at 6:32 am
LOL You just never know when you might need that odd beanie baby or pet rock.
becomingcliche
April 18, 2012 at 7:24 am
It is so true. So true. They could save a life one day.
vyvacious
November 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm
First things first…the picture!! <3
And I do this to my mom all the time, to the point where she just tells me she threw everything away and half the time I can't tell if she's telling the truth or not! Haha.
becomingcliche
November 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm
It never fails, does it? You toss it, you need it again within a week.
vyvacious
November 6, 2012 at 3:01 pm
It’s true!