This Message Brought To You By Low Self Esteem

I was hoping that today would be the day I’d make a big, exciting announcement. Excited? Don’t be. I’m not quite there yet. Soon. Instead, I bring you this:

Do you have low self-esteem? Is your confidence at low ebb? Do you have trouble believing that you have the power to make your dreams come true? That used to be me. I was the 98 lb weakling getting sand kicked in my face. Okay, not entirely true. The last time I weight 98 pounds, I was in the fourth grade. Just go with it.

I have the cure. Don’t spend thousands on self-help books and seminars. Don’t waste your time with years of costly therapy. Here’s exactly what you need, and for under three bucks.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you (insert drum roll here):

Don’t see it?

Because if you don’t, who will?

I found this magic talisman at Target, and my whole life turned around.I now believe, friends. I believe in my smellf. I believe I can fly. *** I can do anything. Because my husband’s deodorant says I can. And you can, too.

Now get out there and change the world, or at least change your socks. There’s more than one way to help your smellf.

I believe. I believe. I believe that I’ll not tell my husband that his deodorant is laying in the yard where I knocked it off the deck. He’ll figure that out for himself soon enough.

*** This statement is merely figurative. Laws of physics still apply.

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