I have nothing against my mother

I need to make that perfectly clear from the get-go. I don’t resent the scrappy little woman who single-handedly raised two girls while working a very demanding job in the federal government. I have nothing but admiration for her level of self-sacrifice as she dedicated many of her early retirement years to caring for elderly and ailing relatives. I respect her commitment to homeless ministries as she volunteers large amounts of her precious time. No, indeed. I do not resent those amazing qualities at all. What I resent is becoming cliche. I cherish the qualities my mother has. But I don’t want to be MY MOTHER!

None of us do. Think I’m wrong?  For the guys out there, I double-dog dare you to tell that special lady in your life that she is “just like her mother.”  After you put some ice on that shiner, give me a call and tell me if I’m right. The sad part is, though, like every other woman in the world, I’m already skipping down that path. And there’s nothing I can do about it.

What is it about knowing that we will turn into our moms that makes us so crazy? The inevitability of it? The realization that we got screwed by both nature AND nurture and have little control over the situation? Or is it that we finally have to let go of that latent teenage notion that our parents know nothing and we are infinitely wiser than they? Um, yeah. I think that’s it. I finally have to admit that maybe she DID know what she was talking about, at least some of the time.

This blog is for all those times I ever said “When I am an adult/parent/outfielder on the church softball team, I will NEVER ….” and “I will NEVER make my kids…” or “I would NEVER do THAT!” Never say never, my friend or you may find yourself eating those rash words. And they are a choking hazard.

32 thoughts on “I have nothing against my mother

  1. I am currently having a variation of this problem as I’m becoming my father. My fiance only comments on it when I point it out, but it’s infuriating how noticeable and inevitable it is. I can’t decide which I’d rather become, but I’m positive that my own children will roll their eyes at me as much as I rolled them at my Dad and that is terrifying!

  2. the older I get the more I want to be my mother although many times I said, I would never do what she said and the more I find myself doing/saying exactly that, I know to never say never. I blogged about it in a post called crimes of my mother on runningawayfrom49. Love your blog name.

  3. some girls feel proud to be associated and compared with their mothers in my experience but yes i dont want to turn out like my parents, I dont . and well i dont want to raise a kid. i hope this doesnt become a choking hazard for me

  4. Hi. May I just say that I am soooo scared of being a parent. The fear is bordering on pathological. Case in point, I once took contraception without telling my husband. Please don’t tell him. As far as I know, he doesn’t read WordPress, and I am praying it stays that way. Right now, I am slooowly trying to rehabilitate myself, by telling myself everyday that kids are sources of hope and joy; they are not the demon-figments-of-my-clichéd-imagination. So there. I came upon your blog on Freshly Pressed. Which is probably God’s (or my subconscious’ s way) of telling me: it’s okay, being a mother will probably mess you up but the scorecard’s all in your head and your kid will love you even if you’re psycho.

  5. Great post! Every now and then something will come out of my mouth and I realize, that’s exactly what my mother would have said, facial expression and all. Frightening.

  6. oh my gosh. well, I don’t have much choice. I am 99% my mother. I look like her, talk like her and my aunt told me once that I even walk like her. heh. so hard to shake the “I don’t want to be my mother” thing for me. One stark difference between she and I: she is apparently an atheist. my sister and I learned this in recent years and it sort of rocked our world because neither of us is an atheist. thanks for the fun post, you are amusing 😉

    funny story since I have your attention. at my cousin’s wedding years ago I happened upon a man who looked just like my uncle. I had never met him but as we walked towards each other I said “you must be Roy’s brother” and he said “and you must be Goldie’s daughter”. 😉

  7. I think it’s normal in a solid loving home to want to be like a parent, to look up to them and wish to retain good qualities.

    However, I wasn’t afforded one of those and I vowed from a very young age never to be like my father.

    All the luck of the draw.

  8. Resistance is futile!
    Your post reminds me of a poem my husband tells to my children:

    They screw you up your parents do,
    They screw you up they do,
    They give you all the faults they had,
    And add some new ones too!

  9. Pingback: Blogging Valentines 2021 – Postcards from La-La Land

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