Things I Don’t Understand, Volume 1. Kids’ Clothing

Why is there tread on the feet of newborn pajamas? I notice this in particular with higher end brands. Are rich infants more clumsy than middle class youngsters, or are they just more likely to sue?

And why are those little outfits called “rompers?” They don’t actually do a lot of romping before they can hold their head up.

Why do infant socks come in zippered pouches? Are they trying to lock in freshness?

Whose idea was it to create cute little outfits for newborns that go over their head? It’s hard enough to dress a wiggly little creature who possesses the muscle tone of an earthworm without having to stuff them in head first.

We got a beautiful baby blanket that came with a laundry list of, well, laundry instructions. Machine wash cold on delicate. Do not put in dryer. Dry flat. Use cool iron if needed. Really? It might just be too good for my child. I don’t iron their clothes, much less something they’re going to drag through the sandbox and wipe their boogers on. Maybe I just don’t love them enough.

Why does any manufacturer sell white anything, and why would anyone buy them? My kids can stain a black outfit in 4.2 seconds.

I just went through all my kids’ baby clothes for the consignment sale and removed every item that was stained. Which was just about all of it. Why aren’t baby clothes just vomit-colored to start with? That might help their resale value.

Why are sleepers designed with snaps that require a degree in engineering to use correctly? There’s always a big gap in the crotch because we can’t get them all to line up properly.

Why does anyone make overalls for toddlers? Cute, yes. Practical, no. Unless you don’t plan to toilet train them until they’re five.

Is it just me?

 

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