What NOT To Do At A Kids’ Consignment Sale

Having spent the last few weeks consumed by preparations for a local consignment sale, I have learned a thing or two that I thought I would share with you.

At a kids’ consignment sale, NEVER:

-Go to the bathroom at the sale. You will be in line behind 12 moms and their toilet-trainees as they cajole, beg and plead with their young padawans (potty-wans) to “Go pee pee in the potty. Come on! Make a little pee pee for Mommy!” And trainee boys have very, very poor aim. Find a gas station on your way to the sale. It will be faster AND more sanitary.

– Let your small children run loose while you shop. It’s as much for your safety as for your child’s. If your child is driving a Barbie jeep up and down the aisles or dumping merchandise on the floors, your fellow shoppers will hate you and will wish you ill. Studies show that strangers are 125 times more likely to create a voodoo doll in your likeness and step on its head than to kidnap your child. Don’t take chances.

– Drink a lot of coffee before heading to the half-price sale. You are going to be elbow deep in crazed bargain hunters and their cranky kids. You don’t need to be any jumpier than you already are. Plus, drinking a lot of coffee will make you pee. See number 1.

– Totally lose your grip on reality when pricing your stuff. Adding curling ribbon to your Carter’s sleeper hanger does not a boutique item make. No one is going to pay what you are asking.

– Forget to clean your items up. Unless that Little Tykes dump truck has been digging around in a diamond mine, no one wants to cough up cash for a toy that bears the evidence of it’s last haul.

– Try to pass off stained or damaged stuff as “gently used.” Do unto others, my friend. Consignment sale karma is a you-know-what.

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