Nearly Wordless Wednesday

Nearly wordless because, frankly, I have no words. It all has to do with the “proper” way of producing one of these:

So precious! How did it get here? There's only one right way, you know. If that's not how this one got here I suggest you send it back. Because you are a failure. Go sell some Pampered Chef instead.

There’s a link on Youtube. Look it up if you have to. It’s kind of boring, more than a little stupid. Mostly an old guy talking about why this should be the norm. Today we’re talking (or rather, not talking) about the latest celebrity trend in childbirth: orgasmic birth.

I suppose it’s possible. Like becoming a millionaire working only 5 hours a week selling Pampered Chef. A few try it.  Most end up disillusioned and bitter, with a drawer full of spatulas.

              ***Spoiler Alert***

 If no one else will say it, I will.  While giving birth, you are more likely to achieve a big brown than a big O. Set your sights on a more realistic goal. Like paying off the National Debt with Green Stamps.

And that’s all I have to say on the subject.


13 thoughts on “Nearly Wordless Wednesday

  1. Orgasmic birth? Who are they kidding? Giving birth is about as close to having an orgasm as I am to winning the lottery or becoming a Vickie’s Secret model. Whoever CAN have the big O while giving birth is deluded and should get back on the Lithium.

    • As if women need another reason to feel like failures. Society has folks thinking that they are unfulfilled if they end up with a c-section. We need another impossible standard, don’t we?

    • Agreed. And honestly, that’s all that is GOING to happen. Not sure why someone thought it would be fun to promote this idea. Did they think women wouldn’t sign up for the whole childbirth deal otherwise?

  2. Orgasmic birth! I am hopeful that this idiocy will not follow the lead of the Pet Rock and turn into another ridiculous fad spearheaded by the Kim Kardashian addicted-to-publicity set. To add to your “big brown” observation, my sister has described her delivery to me as, “The worst bowel movement of my life.”

  3. I didn’t even have a written “birth plan” as to avoid feeling like a failure if it didn’t work out how I hoped…imagine if I went into the delivery room both times expecting an O! I would have been devastated considering what really did happen. It wasn’t even in the neighborhood of pleasurable. It hurt more than I though possible based on the reading I had done before the first time. In an attempt to give other people a more accurate glimpse into what labor feels like I made a still-life photograph of a lemon being smashed in a vise.

  4. The idea of a transformative experience during childbirth is not new. Orgasm/ecstatic birth may be a false promise; I am more interested in what allows a woman control and power over her body. Every birth results in something unexpected. That is the nature of the process. Every birth is unique and I hate the idea of making mothers feel more “less than” than we are already destined to feel. I hate, too, however, to see the concept of ecstatic birth being co-opted and misunderstood as so many things about non-medicalized birth are.
    I am all for women having the birth they want, but sadly there is much lack of information about the history and risks of medicalized birth.
    The Cesarean rate in the US has skyrocketed in the last 20 years after experiencing a slight reduction back in the early 90s. It’s not so simple to say that women shouldn’t be made to feel like failures for not having the right kind of birth. I agree whole-heartedly. We should be informed of what is really happening and what “choices” we really have in a hospital, MDs, midwives, whoever is present. A doctor scheduling a Cesarean because it is convenient either for himself or the birthing woman is bad medicine. It happens A LOT, however. This is major surgery and should not be treated as a convenience option.
    Know your history. Research how and why women give birth in hospitals. Read about how power was taken from women healers in Europe throughout the ages. Telling women they have to have an “orgasmic birth” is no different than setting birthing women up for “failure” in a million other ways which we tend to swallow whole also. Empower yourself. Your womb is part of your power, even if you never want kids or become a mother. If you don’t take charge of your body, the medical industry will happily do so.

    • Such excellent points. Don’t get me started on the medical model. All three of mine were popped out naturally, two at birthing centers. I’d have had the third at home if I didn’t mind doing all the resultant laundry! There is an ob in our area with an over 90% induction rate.

      I am so very against anyone saying what “should” happen during labor and delivery. A birth experience that ends in a healthy baby and mom is a “right” one.

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