It’s All About Efficiency

I took the kids to a Thanksgiving event at our zoo called “Talkin’ Turkey,” an education opportunity where they could do a craft, participate in games, hear a story, and actually meet a live, feathered friend. What could go possibly wrong with that? So glad you asked.

In the car, Squish began to refer to the event as “the Turkey Patch.” Like, pumpkin patch. You know, the place where you pick one out to take home? Ever tried to talk a toddler out of an idea they have come up with on their own? I knew I was screwed.

We had the same discussion 45 times on the way to the fun. “We don’t get to take one home,” and it’s variation “Do we ever take animals home from the zoo?” Turns out, I was worried about the wrong things.

So soft! He's friendly! I know I can't keep him, but...


Wait! This is a turkey. A turkey?!!!


So my beautiful feathered friend here...



is the same thing that is sitting in our refrigerator?!!!


And we have the makings of the youngest self-imposed vegetarian in history. Way to go, Mom! Make the connection between a living thing and tomorrow’s main course!


In the meantime, I didn’t notice my older son.

"That thing is going to peck my eyes out! Guys! Quit chasing him! You're gonna make him MAD!"


I couldn’t even crop the picture. That was as close as he got. Apparently some of his little buddies at school told him stories about being pecked in the head by turkeys, so the whole time the feathered guy was running around, my son was convinced he was about to meet his maker. The reason he was begging to leave was not because he was cold but because he knew that bird was out for revenge for his kindred. It was the most terrifying half-hour of the kid’s life.

So there you have it. Holidays leave scars, and I managed a trauma-twofer without even trying. I rock.


Photo credit for the dead turkey carcass: I have to take the blame for all the others.


33 thoughts on “It’s All About Efficiency

  1. Funny. Reminds me of the time I took my 2 year old grandson to an “urban farm” and he was completely traumatized by the barnyard animals that were so cute and friendly in his books and so very not cute and friendly at the farm

  2. Oh boy….look what I’m getting myself into with a son! I mean, I can’t help but laugh…even though I know I’ll be in the same position as you…eventually 🙂

  3. I was a self-imposed vegetarian when I was little kid! I declared that I wouldn’t eat anything that had a face. That went over great in my family of hunters…
    Best recent childhood scaring in my house was my husbands fault. He was watching SpongeBob (yeah…I know) and one of the characters got a huge disgusting purple barnacle (pimple) on her face. My husband said to our 4 year old, “You will probably get those when you are teenager.” (He meant pimple but didn’t clarify.) The next thing I know I have a crying kid screaming at me that he doesn’t want barnacles on his face, that they were horrible and I needed to stop it! I had no idea what was going on until my husband explained. Luckily (?), I just happened to have a small pimple at the time to give a visual example of what daddy was talking about.

  4. I used to work with turkeys. Like real ones. I worked on an archaeological site that also had historical re-enactors and the turkeys were part of that. This is what I learned about turkeys: don’t wear blue during their mating season. The number of guests and co-workers that were attacked and “attacked”…. it still makes me shudder. I am vegetarian, but I will totally eat a turkey if given the chance. Those guys are jerks and they deserve to be eaten.

  5. I’m terrified of turkeys. My cousin always had them and they were meaner than the devil. As for the vegetarian thing my friend seen the bones of a chicken at a holiday meal when she was little and she quit eating meat that day. She’s still doing well. It’s funny at McDonald’s when she orders cheeseburgers with no meat. I guess she just doesn’t eat meat. She still eats cheese, etc.

  6. EB hates chickens and we ate cornish game hens for Thanksgiving dinner today. It can be very confusing. And by “hates” I mean “is terrified by” and yet I subject her to my mom’s chicken coop every time we visit. Surely our kids will just forget and wake up one day loving the once-frightening birds, right?

  7. Omg! This is too funny! Reminds me of a book I once read to my 4 yr old son about a chicken named Henley who pecked a little boy in the eye. Ugh I wish I could remember the title of that book!

  8. Ahahahaha! This is great. I mean, not GREAT because Thanksgiving could have potentially been extremely traumatic for your household, but funny. My grandpa got chased by a chicken 80 years ago and he still won’t eat poultry. I’m fairly certain my grandmother still cooks him a steak every Thanksgiving.

    Your posts since this one, however, prove that you have all survived. Yay 🙂

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