Call of Duty: Black Friday Ops

Dear Amazon,

Thanks for being all warm and cozy and providing me with endless cups of coffee and a dog to pet while I do all of my Christmas shopping. Oh, wait. That’s right. That’s my living room. A month ago. So I didn’t have to stand in the freezing-cold dark waiting for some soulless big-box store to open. Bless your soulless little free-shipping heart! Not only do I avoid the cold and the crowds, but by shopping at home, I’ve got a less than 10% chance of being pepper-sprayed by some psycho. Yes, Phoebe’s got designs on my leftover turkey, but as she lacks both opposable thumbs and the intelligence to even pick my husband out of a lineup if he’s wearing a hat, the odds are still in my favor.

TURKEY! I will cut you for some turkey! I know you? My apologies.



Happy Black Friday!

Love, Me


19 thoughts on “Call of Duty: Black Friday Ops

  1. As we left The Muppets last night we caught a glimpse of people lining up outside the shops. I don’t get it. We go to a lovely little town in NH in early Dec. We stay at a cozy B&B, get our Christmas tree/wreath at a farm, and do our shopping in the town! Can’t wait!

  2. Amazon is awesome. I use it so much, I know the regular UPS guy by name!!

    As for Black Friday, I did see several tents set up in front of Best Buy. I guess they had been there since close on Wednesday night. Seriously, is a TV for $200 worth an entire day of your life? I think not.

  3. I still think back to that dreadful day a decade ago when some poor person was trampled to death over a Tickle Me Elmo doll. Amazon has never trampled me over a Tickle Me Elmo doll. Neither has it ever promoted a Tickle Me Elmo doll in a way that would make me believe being trampled to death would be a small price to pay for my kids’ accumulation of stuff.

  4. Good for you for avoiding the Black Friday madness! Seriously, who needs all that hassle? My sister did her shopping online and said it was a breeze. I shall never again go to any more of these ridiculous sales, since the majority of the time, once you get in the store, there’s nothing left!

    • And what many people don’t realize is that the merchandise you buy at a deep discount is not the same stuff that was on the shelf before. It’s often not as well made. Bought a dirt devil once for very cheap, and then I realized it’s basically disposable because you can’t get filters for it.

  5. I am soooo on the same page. I am pretty sure that I am not leaving my house for shopping this year. This California girl is not ready for snowy shopping. I dn’t know that there is enough of hot chocolate or fleece jackets in the world.

  6. We’ll be having a Christmas By Amazon as well. I’m getting so many UPS deliveries that I think it’s contributing to the dog’s nervous breakdown!

    P.S. I just had to include you on a list for a blogging award, even tho I’m sure you’ve gotten many. Just want to turn some friends on to your blog!

  7. Is there a way to link to your blog? I would love to let some of my folks know about it. You probably hear this everyday but you have a very natural voice and talent for comedic writing. I feel like I don’t have to be guarded when I read your posts like you have our best interest in mind.
    Thank you for helping me laugh without being mean spirited or raunchy. Wow I am changing I never would have said that before Jesus got a hold of my heart.
    Keep it coming and let me know how to spread it as I am new to the world-o-blogging.

    • You can use a blogroll widget, which puts the link on your page. My commitment since I began blogging has been to write nothing that I would feel embarrassed if my minister read it aloud from the pulpit. And I recently discovered that the youth minister does exactly that.

      You can also share links via Facebook, email and Twitter, or include links in your posts.

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