I’m Making A Wish

Yes. That’s right. Today is my birthday. The big 4-0. My big, fat birthday. Wa-hoo.  I am excited. Not too excited, of course. The old ticker just can’t take too much.

Seeing as it’s a giant celebration and all, it seems that it is my right to make a few wishes. Feel free to grant any that are within your power. I’d do the same for you, you know.

1) I wish that stalactites and stalagmites actually had the same name. If I ran into one and was critically injured, I’d like to be able to explain what happened without having to go back through the little saying “When the ‘mites’ go up, the ‘tights’ come down.” I am injured, after all, and it’s probably a head injury. And there are probably different treatments, depending on which inflicted the damage. Like how you  “feed a cold, starve a fever.”

*** Super important note: this wish was whispered in my ear by an angel while I was sleeping, so I’m pretty sure it will come true. Either that or I have some really, really strange dreams.

2) I wish that my car would always have fuel. And this wish should apply to any car in which I am riding. Even my husband’s car. Especially my husbands car, which loves him so much that it would fly to Jupiter on fumes but will leave us stranded if I am in the passenger’s seat.

3) I wish my favorite house slippers would come out of hiding. I will be really good. I promise. Maybe the angels who are straightening out the whole cave-rock thing can handle this one, too. My feet are cold.

4) I wish that I could drive Squish’s plasmacar all by myself. Currently, I am only allowed to sit on it while he steers. And then he drives my knees straight into the furniture. Sure, it’s funny the first 15 times. But after that, cabinets leave bruises.

5) I wish that I could run a marathon. Because that is the equivalent of world peace, which is what I know should be wishing for. But again, the angels are busy on the cave-rock thing…

6) I wish that the cat would consent to drink after the dog.  Because I get tired of washing the bowl three times a day.

7) I wish I had a magic coffee pot that would buy and grind the beans and make the perfect cup of coffee all by itself. And could fly. That’s the part I really want. Airfare is too expensive, and I’d like to visit some pals in other states. I don’t expect international travel, of course.

8 ) I wish my dog could talk. Except that I’m sure the only things she would actually say are “Feed me,” and “Drink after that, Kitty.”

9) I wish I would write a best-seller. A book that is so incredibly great that millions stand in line all night to purchase their own copy. But without paparazzi. I usually look fat in unposed photos.

10) I wish for three wishes for each of my readers. Because I know they’ll each share one of their wishes with me.

11) I wish I would win the “Art Killed My Baby” mug over on Peas and Cougars. Go enter the contest. And buy some stuff in her store. My second favorite thing is the “I’m Bored” flowchart. She does charts like nobody’s business. Well, technically it’s her small business now.

And now it’s late. I am going back to bed. The weight of 40 birthdays is crushing.

336 thoughts on “I’m Making A Wish

  1. LOVE IT!! I wish I could fly. I wish there was such thing as a chocolate fairy. I wish … oh, wait, the thought of chocolate made all other wishes fly out of my brain. Maybe, I could latch on and fly that way …

  2. I wish that watching The Biggest Loser Cardio Work Out worked as well as actually doing it, I wish that fried foods were good for us and I wish for world peace. Bwahahahahaha – I’m totally just kidding about world peace. The politicians would find a way to mess that up in less than 24 hours anyway – so I will just wish for peace at the family Christmas gathering. That should be equally as difficult a miracle to perform as world peace anyway.

    Happy Birthday! May you have many, many more! (You don’t have to count any more of them though)

  3. It’s a shame that one of your wishes wasn’t to have people from all around the world wish you a happy birthday. Because if it was, you would already have Europe ticked. Or will do…..once I say…Happy Birthday.

  4. Can I also wish for the flying, perfect cup of coffee making coffee pot too? Because as soon as I saw that one, I was like “I WANT THAT!!!” As a confirmed Caffeind, it just seems like the perfect wish!

    I also wish that I become as funny and entertaining as you are, and I wishing you a very happy birthday and don’t take 4-0 too seriously. I’m 55 going on 19, and life is good! 🙂 Oh, and in case I can’t have the flying coffee pot wish, I wish that every time politicians lie in public, they instantly grow Pinocchio noses!

    • If your last wish came true, anyone with 3-D television could pick a televised politician’s nose from the comfort of their couch. Not a bit of truth in any of them!

      So far, 40 has been awesome. Best birthday ever!

  5. A coffee pot that could fly would be really awesome.

    Also, I forgot to mention that you’ll get another entry if you blog about the contest, so the odds are in your favor! Happy birthday!

      • I’m not sure that would help. I have opposable thumbs, and I spilled espresso all over myself yesterday morning. Then I spilled champagne all over the table at the office Christmas party last night. Maybe my second wish should be to stop spilling things.

  6. Happy, happy birthday! And I’d give you TWO of those wishes back, being all generous and stuff (and because I’d just wish for infinity wishes with my remaining wish.) Hope it’s an awesome day!

  7. I can’t get the cats to stop drinking out of the dog’s bowl. I end up filling it over and over and over, all the while pointing and shrieking, “There’s another bowl of water RIGHT THERE! Stop meowing and DRINK THAT!”

  8. Since discovering your blog a week or so ago, I’ve enjoyed following your posts! So on that note- to #9- maybe not so far out of reach! You’ve got a great knack for keeping a humorous approach to things… keep it up- and happy birthday!

  9. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I wish for you to have my other two wishes because I’m at work and brain power is being sucked out of me so I have no creative wishes and don’t want to waste them…. SO SUPER HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  10. I wish I had a magic coffee pot that would buy and grind the beans and make the perfect cup of coffee all by itself.

    Oh, wouldn’t that be nice! 🙂

    Happy birthday! Loved the post.

  11. I wish you a happy birthday! Your blog is quickly becoming one of my favourites!

    I wish that sour patch kids magically melted the pounds away. I’ll just keeping eating them until that one comes true. I like the chocolate from a faucet… But instead I will wish that all vegitables tasted like Dairy Milk. For my last wish… that my youngest child would wake up in the morning fully potty trained, and obedient, and a gourmet cook who wants to take over the kitchen. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

  12. Happy Happy! I have a little over a month left of being 40. So far I love it. I think you will too. Since you sent me 3 wishes, I will share one with you: I wish for my ex to get a really good job so I could get child support again. For now. Because in a few months I won’t get it anymore. And that’s a good thing.

  13. Happy, happy birthday! From someone knocking on the back door of her 40’s, this is a great decade! My wish for you is that you find joy in every day!

    Oh, and as far as this goes:
    “10) I wish for three wishes for each of my readers. Because I know they’ll each share one of their wishes with me.”

    I would so do that. 🙂

  14. Happy Birthday. Great Post! It’s my mother’s 88th today too, so a very auspicious day.
    I can’t grant any of your wishes. How about instead of a best selling novel, I sign up for your blog?

  15. Happy (slightly belated) birthday and congrats on being freshly pressed! This is a great post, and I do hope your wishes come true. And it’s so generous of you to use one of your wishes to give us all wishes. I’ll make sure to save that last wish for you, of course 😉 I’m happy you were freshly pressed so I got the chance to find your blog! 🙂

  16. Happy birthday! You are hilarious. The way you write it sounds as if your slippers are some kind of old eastern European despots, hidden away with all of their smuggled cash and broke down ladas.

    Seriously funny.

    I wish I could own more than three lipsticks without feeling exactly like said above despots.

    I also wish you the best of luck the next time you are spelunking and a fabulous cup of coffee each and every morning!

  17. Ha, ha! Good read. And one of your wishes wasn’t getting Freshly Pressed? – Congratulations & Happy birthday. I hope you find your slippers. I can’t find mine. They are are shocking-blue and don’t look like stalcagatitemite – how can you lose something like that ?

  18. Here’s something to look forward to. 40 bothered my wife … but with 50, she’s adopted the who gives a crap way of thinking – thus freeing herself from the shackles of age. Good post.

  19. My cat does the water thing to the dog because the dog likes her food…its a total passive-aggressive study on animal behavior here. Oh, the skinny jean thing in Husky sizes ? NO! I’ve seen it – it does not make the wearer look skinny, but more like a lumpy sausage. Not pretty. A very happy birthday to you !

  20. Happy Birthday! This was a wonderful post. I laughed for a good minute about your first wish. Hilarious.

    Since my birthday is coming up I will share with you a wish of mine… I wish that cars had two kinds of horns. There are so many times when I want to honk on my horn just to get someone’s attention, like “hey the light is green” but I don’t because honking always sounds like you are yelling at someone. So I wish for cars to have a pleasant horn to go with the regular horn that we use when we inevitably get road rage.

  21. Dear God, that made me crack up XD I wished my night would get better and it did thanks to this. In case you’re wondering, I might not be an angel, but I’m trying everything in my power to find your slippers, because the feeling of cold feet could ruin anyone’s night. Working on a slipper finding GPS system, though I have to admit, I can’t say how well it’s going since I don’t understand a single thing about GPS’s.

  22. One of your wishes is my wish. I wish my car always had gas. I don’t like going to the gas station and I have no idea why. Maybe it was that first guy I dated who was a gas station attendant. FYI, that wasn’t a dream, that was real and he always stunk like fumes. Sorry gas station attendant people.
    I also wish staplers wouldn’t run out of staples. Because you don’t realize you need more, until you have run out. There is no almost empty button.
    Love the post and thanks for the 3 wishes. By the way, I hit 50 2 months ago and I head towarded it, not liking it one bit. Now I love it. 50 is truly fabulous.

  23. I hope I’m as wise as you are when I grow up! Oh, and I’ll ask my maker for a pet when I’m big enough. I don’t know if you like strangers greeting you, but a very happy birthday just the same! Love, Adie

  24. Your wishes were funny! And the angels and that cave-rock thing? Haha! Well… Good to hear you had a good birthday. Yay! Everybody’s birthdays should be awesome!

  25. Hahaha.. I love your post. And I would want a unlimited supply of chocolate. Yes that’s something I have been wanting since forever *sigh* anyway happy birthday and congrats on being freshly pressed 🙂

  26. Wow I’m glad I found this post. I was about to start my letter to my 40 yr old self when I thought of checking out freshly pressed and clicked on your post:) good read indeed.
    Happy birthday by the way though late.

  27. 9) I wish I would write a best-seller. A book that is so incredibly great that millions stand in line all night to purchase their own copy. But without paparazzi. I usually look fat in unposed photos.

    YES! This!

    Maybe my second wish would be to look stunning in unposed photos though, rendering the paparazzi less of a menace!

    Happy birthday 🙂

  28. there’s one of ur wish that came true , wishes for ur readers i’m sharing one with u .. IM WISH U THE HAPPIEST BDAY THIS WORLD COULD EVER GIVE .. even w/o world peace. happy bday . 🙂

  29. Happy Birthday a little late, and congrats on being freshly pressed! Let’s see…3 wishes: The weather that I want when I want it (and you too of course), enough money I don’t have to look at the price tag, and of course the oldie but goody: unlimited wishes!

  30. When you’re as specific and as well thought out as you are, the universe HAS to answer. Except that marathon thing. I remember somebody telling me that anybody can run a marathon. Her justification for such a bold statement was “If you can run 3 miles then you can run a marathon, you just have to train for it”. Well, guess how many miles I CAN’T run. 3. I’ll stick to picking things up and putting them down thank you very much!

    • That’s how I see it, too. If I asked for a pony, I’d get nothing. Ask for a spotted pony that’s lame in its hind leg but has a horn like a unicorn, and I’d see it in my yard immediately. Wait. I think I need to add another wish to my list…

  31. My 40th bday is tomorrow. You are hilarious and JUST what the Dr ordered for my smashed up heart. I will keep reading! I’m totally new the the blogosphere, and just trying to get out a line or two hundred a week.

  32. Wishes and birthdays usually go hand in hand. I think the custom was started by an early candle company, wishing for small candles they could trick the public into buying.

    If you become Freshly Pressed on your birthday all your wishes may already have come true!


  33. Congrats on being freshly pressed! Oh and Happy Birthday! The best seller wish was great! I think we would all like to write a story and have everyone in the world absolutely love it;) Great Post!

  34. Fantastic and well deserved! You are a rock star now — look out!

    P.S. In my house the cats love to drink after the dog. They worship her and the taste of her saliva. Not so much the other way around.

  35. Pingback: Wish #174 | wishfulthinkerdotnet

  36. Funny post! I wish my cats and dogs could talk too. Okay, actually, I take it back. That may not be such a good idea. I think my dog would probably ask me to pull his finger… whereas our cat would give us the finger, along with some lip service. 😉 Happy birthday by the way!

  37. I can’t wait to turn 40! You’re so lucky!!! 40 is the new 32!

    (I’m trying to pump myself up for it in advance…maybe I start believing this now…you know what I’m saying)

    Very funny post. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! : )

  38. Happy belated birthday! I guess my only wish right now is to get noticed as a writer, and actually feel enough confidence in my writing to believe that this can happen.

  39. I love your wishes and I love it too that you’re not taking the ’40’ thing as one of the worse things in the world. But still, life begins at 40. Happy birthday anyway! More birthdays to come!

  40. Happy Birthday. Save a wish on the cavesicles – stala”C”tites are from the “C”eiling and stala”G”mites are from the “G”round. Then you can use that wish on something worthwhile, like, say, a Cabernet-Sauvignon fountain in your backyard.

  41. The slipper wish made me burst into laughter….mine are always lost when I need them the most. So I share your wish. My other greatest wish…..to have a pretty young thing on the seat beside me, every time I board a flight/bus/train…any form of public transport!

    About the 40 experience…please keep me posted, as I am closing on that figure with breakneck speed

    belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

  42. Happy Birthday BC. Becoming 40 is fabulous! When I turned 40, I was “all that and a bag of chips,” which is my birthday wish for you. It’s turning 60 that will kick your ass–trust me, I know! 🙂

    May this be the year that most of your dreams come true (from my lips to God’s ears). Take care.

  43. i love your wishes and heartily approve of pets not making us their slaves. i wish that my poochies could pick up after themselves instead of one trying to eat the others whilst the other runs away from any gust of wind all whilst i struggle to pick up both messes.
    happy belated birthday, you made me laugh out loud!

  44. I feel so bad not realizing that you got Freshly Pressed until NOW! Congrats!! That is wonderful and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, eh? Great birthday gift if you ask me. It happened to me once and it was amazing… I keep praying it will happen again one day. Not sure if this is your first rodeo or not but either way you know how amazing it is. Enjoy the ride, girl!! What a way to start your new decade!

  45. Congratulations on your big day! 🙂

    Love the one wish you have with ”I wish my dog could talk” – and where it would probably say ”Drink after THAT kitty” – made me laugh alot… 😉 Good humor will always get me reading! I followed and liked.

    Birthday wishes
    Mia from Denmark!

  46. Man-man, the story of my life.

    I just sat down on Saturday and wrote a short little thing called “Make A Wish” and then a day later I come over here and find your post on the very same thing, and on top of that, it is Fresh Pressed.

    I always seem to come to the party a day late and a find myself a dollar short when I need one (the gas wish is a good idea) oh well, I am going to run mine on Monday anyway and I will shoot a link over here for you at the same time.


    • I hate it when that happens! I was working on an idea for a post last week, and I came across someone who had already done it. But I will probably take a different slant and go for it anyway. No two bloggers have the same take on anything!

  47. Pingback: Make A Wish « Creative Endeavors, The Home of BoxcarOkie.com

  48. Happiee Birthday!!! Loved reading your post, especially point# 10=P And see, how WordPress gave you a sweet birthday present!! My birthday is nearing too, and i wish I could get in the Freshly pressed page someday!♥

  49. Happy 40th birthday!

    My birthday was not too long ago. I’m not quite 40 but I was on vacation on a cruise ship when my birthday passed. Note to all – I can count on my two hands how many young folks were on the ship. I did get sung to at the restaurant and from the regulars at the piano bar. My wish that evening was to have the hot cruise director to sing happy birthday to me in Spanish. He didn’t. That would have been romantic. My only other wish is to meet the “right” guy since I am single. BTW, hello to Romantic Asian Guy. I’m sending my third wish to you. Sorry wait, if I could add another wish, I’d like to understand what my cats are saying to me. Most of what I think they’re saying is please continue to give me attention…

    I wouldn’t run a marathon either and I’m thin. I’m short therefore my legs are short. It takes me twice the effort to keep up with normal sized people. Running is hard on my knees.

    Congratulations on being FP! I’ll follow you from now on because I could use a good cheer every now and then.

  50. I would grant you the wish for your dog to talk but I think your suspicions might be correct – then you’d just have one more demanding voice to ignore!

    I was on my way to check you out since you came so highly recommended by mommysaidaswearword. But I see congratulations are in order!! So happy for you – and Happy Belated Birthday!

  51. Haha I love number 6. It takes me back to my childhood when my cat did the same. But she refused to drink from any sort of container that supplied clean water. Instead she’d only drink from the miniature swamp-type thing in the back garden. I guess then she got to have a meal too- of mosquito larvae and moss.

    Happy Birthday! Forget about the fat thing for a bit and stuff your face with cake!

  52. Its really a good read mam’ and my best wishes for your 40th B’day.

    Writing a best selling book, hmm…from the words/wishes your have written, i trust that’s definitely possible from your side. You know its also one of my wish and whenever i think out this, it remembers me how Ayn Rand wrote hers and how supporting her husband was…! I read it that in her book “The Fountainhead”. Share your heart mam’..with your experiences, with your vision and imagination.

    Merry Christmas.

  53. Welcome to the 40’s. Thus far, they have been the best of my life and I hope they are for you too. Enjoy every second! My only wish at this time is that I wish I could find and dispose of what is living in my basement!!

  54. happy birthday :)!!! bltd though…i luved ur coffee machine idea…but i mit just swap it for a palm size invisible tiramisu dispenser cum radio…well i m 24 and just finished architecture college to take up teaching…n though m loving it; its tough behaving as a teacher..no ipod in ur ears no random snackin from under the desks…sigh!!! wish u luck with ur wishes:)

  55. Pingback: More Ebony and Sneakers Fun Favorites! « The Adventures of Ebony & Sneakers

  56. Pingback: What happen on my birthday? « Monochrologue

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