Lost In Translation: Family Edition

"We're going on a hike." Because you've been bad.

“Hurry! We’re late!” : We’ve joined the Slow movement. Take all the time you need.

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“Get down from there!” Preferably by flying.

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“I was eating that!” Help yourself.

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“That was my seat.” I was just warming it for you. Here. Have my blanket, too.

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“It’s time to leave for church.” Please remove your shoes and socks, change into torn pants, and style your hair with my hand-mixer.

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“Are those pants clean?” Did you wear them for less than five day in a row? To play in the mud.

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“The kids are playing together so nicely!”  I wish they’d start another round of “Mom, He’s Looking At Me!”

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“It’s school picture day.” (see “It’s time to leave for church.”)

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“Eat it. It’s good for you.” It will make your ears fall off.

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“Give Grandma a kiss.”  Please lick her face and poke your finger in her eye.

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“Don’t pick your nose!” Unless you plan to share.

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“It snowed last night!” Please strip down to your underwear before going outside. Barefoot.

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“When you’re finished with that, put it back.”  Under the couch.

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50 thoughts on “Lost In Translation: Family Edition

  1. Same story here, plus these two for the teen edition:

    “Please pick up your things.” is “Move them two inches then set them down again.”
    and
    “No, you cannot wear that out of this house.” is “Mom said find something trashier so this looks good.”

  2. Some additional teenisms:
    “What have you done to your hair?” is “I guess I wasn’t specific enough when I said you couldn’t dye your hair black/blonde/purple”
    “When did you get another piercing?” is “You mean I didn’t specify 3 holes in each ear was enough?”

  3. This post makes me eager to start bearing offspring asap 🙂

    Funny stuff, reminded me of my household growing up. As 1 of 7 kids, we normally considered clothes clean if they weren’t “too” wrinkled and had no major stains (emphasis on major), though I like y’alls 5-day in row rule, smart thinking!

  4. My child translator was sick on Sunday so when I said, “We’re going to church why are you wearing the jeans with a hole in them?” My son just thought I was asking a rhetorical question and decided to wear them anyways. Should have gone with your suggestion.

  5. Hysterical! Although I think you forgot one…
    “Do you have to go to bathroom?” – Hey, how about waiting 15 minutes until we’re in the car to announce your IMMEDIATE need to relieve yourself?

  6. Beautiful picture of you and your little angels, and best enjoyed full size after clicking on it. 🙂

    And this was over half a century ago, (scary thought!) but when I was four, mom got me dressed in my sunday best, but we were delayed when dad had trouble starting the car. This gave me just enough time to wander into the next yard, where older children convinced me how much fun it would be, for me to lay down in a pile of dirt, while they covered me up to my neck with it. When mom called me, I jumped up and came back right away, but for some reason she was not impressed… I guess that with kids, some things never change! Lol

  7. Oh my goodness, this post made me laugh! Especially the one about “It snowed last night.” Why is it that kids play “opposites” to every circumstance? I’m glad both my children are grown. I’m too tired to interpret at this stage in my life! 🙂

  8. This was hilarious! I laughed out loud more than once — especially at the “it will make your ears fall off” line. You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. What we say is not what they hear.

    Sometimes I have to stop everything and ask my kids, “What did I just tell you?” Not only do they not remember, but then they look surprised that I’m even in the same room.

  9. I loved this. I swear it must be universal, but it’s so much funnier when someone else is living it!

    We have a few that go on in our house, too. Like, “Shhh. I’m trying to watch the news.” They hear “please bicker even louder about who got more ice cream.” or, “Hey, I’m watching that show.” To them, I said, “I’d love for you to switch it to Wizards of Waverly Place again. I can’t get enough of that show.”

    Never a dull moment, that’s for sure 🙂

  10. Being in grandmother mode now, I can appreciate that my kids always misinterpeted just about everything I said (except those things that had to do with spending money on them or allowing them to do what they wanted) and I can now sit back and gleefully watch as they are learning how to speak to, with, and at their children!! Love it selfishly!! lol One of my personal favorites was always… sit at the table to eat.>.lets throw all of our food on the floor or better yet, at each other… lol and the .. eat everything on your plate.>. the dog is starving so feed him what you dont want, especially if it is green. lol Have a great weekend!!!

  11. Do you speak the same language as me? I think you do! Or at least the same language as my children. For Jimmy, “It’s time to do the dishes” means “It’s time to go poop for 20 minutes.”

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