Because I Aim To Please

I know it’s no longer Valentine’s day. I also remember that I already wrote a post on search terms.  Bear with me. This post is especially for my new pal. Well, not so much pal as person who wound up here after searching “What to expect for Valentine’s day from my passive aggressive husband.” Now you understand why I am compelled to write this.

A box of fat-free chocolates – because, well, you know.

A gym membership – though you have never once mentioned wanting to join a gym. See above.

Racy underwear – in the wrong size. From Wal-mart.

A Valentine’s card with someone else’s name on it 

A lovely flower arrangement -containing poison ivy and  a sprig of hemlock

A candlelit dinner – from Paco’s All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Stand

A bottle of wine – the best that Boone’s Farm has to offer

A charm bracelet – from a vending machine

A bag of candy – containing the nuts you’re deathly allergic to

A vacuum  cleaner – because the one you have obviously isn’t working very well

A box of tiny chocolates – with the words “Ex-lax” stamped on the top of each candy

A new cordless drill – Just like he’s you’ve been hoping for

I didn’t post this on Valentine’s day because all of your lovely surprises might have been ruined. You’re welcome.

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30 thoughts on “Because I Aim To Please

  1. This reminded me of the time a guy that I had a crush on gave me a Valentine. And said, ‘give this to your friend who wears the long coat. I really like her.’ True story.

    These days I am perfectly happy with my books and my butterflies and socks ‘because your feet get cold’.

    That’s love right there.

  2. Hey, my hubby thought the phone call from the cabinet maker, saying installation will be next week, should double as a Valentines-Birhtday-Anniversary-Christmas for the next 10 years kind of gift. Just because it took him a decade to get around to remodeling, and only agreed to do so when the counter fell down, does not make it a GIFT to me personally. I call that a gift to this old house…

  3. My husband came back from a trip to Cancun in Nov. (his eldest daughter got married & because he was laid off at the time only 1 of us could afford to go, so of course I told him to go) & brought me back only the shampoo, conditioner & soap the hotel gives for free in each room.
    We lived in the bush for 10 years, so he got off pretty easy for flowers (there was no florist, so I only got fresh flowers in the summer when they bloomed in our garden), so now he know better than to show up on Valentine’s Day or our anniversary with flowers even if they’re the picked over remnants from the grocery store which I got this year.

A penny for your thoughts! And by penny, I mean a warm-fuzzy in your heart.

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