Girls come with better bubble wrap. That’s my only explanation for why my daughter has lived for 14 years relatively unscathed while both of my boys are on a first name basis with the moray eel at the local children’s hospital.
When my daughter rode horses – yes, we owned a horse. I think I’ll let you absorb that notion. This is your opportunity to picture me in a tweed jacket with leather patches at the elbows, tootling child and thoroughbred around to pony club events and sipping mint juleps. Take a moment.
Now back to reality. Picturing this?
It’s more like this:
Yeah, long story short, we bought the horse, and the kid rode nearly every single day for two and a half years. But we never did get around to buying her a saddle. My daughter was thrown to the ground by that rotten horse at least twice a week. Without a bruise or a scrape to show for it. She did have a run-in with an electric fence once, but even bubble wrap has its limitations, and even the fence didn’t leave a mark. I chalked up her injury-free childhood to the fact that children are just naturally bouncy. Even when it’s their face on a barn floor.
So imagine my surprise when her brother came along. He made two emergency trips (pardon the pun) to the dentist, had stitches beside his eye, and fell off a slide only to land on his head. All before he turned two. And then came Squish. Two x-ray series of his skull by his first birthday. And how did they come by these
costly frightening injuries? Pre-K rugby tournaments? Swinging a bag of hammers? No. By falling over their own feet. It would be logical to assume that the true difference between boys and girls is that girls are more graceful. You know what happens when you assume. You end up being wrong.
Girl Child trips over her own feet, too. And my feet. And the dog’s. But the angels catch her and wrap her in some kind of ethereal cushioning before she hits the ground. She trips, she dusts herself off. Squish trips and blacks his eye.
The real question is why do the angels like her better? I think it might come down to a bathing issue. Angels have noses, too.