The Real Differences Between Boys and Girls, Vol 2

Girls come with better bubble wrap. That’s my only explanation for why my daughter has lived for 14 years relatively unscathed while both of my boys are on a first name basis with the moray eel at the local children’s hospital.

When my daughter rode horses – yes, we owned a horse. I think I’ll let you absorb that notion. This is your opportunity to picture me in a tweed jacket with leather patches at the elbows, tootling child and thoroughbred  around to pony club events and sipping mint juleps. Take a moment.

Now back to reality. Picturing this?

I know. This is how you imagine my life to be. Try again.

It’s more like this:

She's NOT a pony. She is a freakishly large miniature horse. Don't say pony. This ain't no pony.

Yeah, long story short, we bought the horse, and the kid rode nearly every single day for two and a half years. But we never did get around to buying her a saddle. My daughter was thrown to the ground by that rotten horse at least twice a week. Without a bruise or a scrape to show for it. She did have a run-in with an electric fence once, but even bubble wrap has its limitations, and even the fence didn’t leave a mark. I chalked up her injury-free childhood to the fact that children are just naturally bouncy. Even when it’s their face on a barn floor.

So imagine my surprise when her brother came along. He made two emergency trips (pardon the pun) to the dentist, had stitches beside his eye, and fell off a slide only to land on his head. All before he turned two. And then came Squish. Two x-ray series of his skull by his first birthday. And how did they come by these costly frightening injuries? Pre-K rugby tournaments? Swinging a bag of hammers? No. By falling over their own feet. It would be logical to assume that the true difference between boys and girls is that girls are more graceful. You know what happens when you assume. You end up being wrong.

Girl Child trips over her own feet, too. And my feet. And the dog’s. But the angels catch her and wrap her in some kind of ethereal cushioning before she hits the ground. She trips, she dusts herself off. Squish trips and blacks his eye.

The real question is why do the angels like her better? I think it might come down to a bathing issue. Angels have noses, too.


73 thoughts on “The Real Differences Between Boys and Girls, Vol 2

  1. My first child is a girl too. And I had no idea how destructive boys were until I had a boy. She looked at books. He tore up books. Amazing the differences.

  2. Boys leap first, excited to find out how much fun something is. Girls think about leaping, and then decide to put a toe in the water & test it out……Even what seems like a random trip, boys are usually going at least 5 times faster, thus more collateral damage!

  3. I’d have to say it’s the luck of the draw. My mom received a strong, admonishing letter from the government because her 6 girls were in and out of the emergency room so many times. My boys, shower-haters though they be, have never seriously injured themselves. Then there’s me; I’m a natural klutz. Good luck to you. I hope things turn around a bit.

  4. Three boys, one girl. So far, the only trip to the ER was because of a peanut butter sandwich. I’m sure there will be more coming, but that was the scariest few hours, by far.

    • I can imagine. Nothing takes the fun out of the day like breathing emergencies. Maybe the fourth one will be the kid to turn my theory on its ear. And I mean YOUR fourth one, not my imaginary one.

  5. Huh, and here I was wondering why I have made it to almost 40 without ever breaking a single bone in my body whereas my dearest hubby stopped counting his at roundabout age 17. Thanks for clarifying that.

    Coming to think of it, there must be a reason why the life expectancy of males is that much lower than this of females. Bubble wrap!

  6. Hi,
    It does seem your daughter is just one of those people that no matter what the situation she manages to come out on top of it. 🙂

    I love the horse photos, and the miniature horse is very cute. I saw your turtle photos as well, very nice indeed. 😀
    Thank you again for taking the time to comment on my blog.

  7. with two boys and one girl… I can very much relate to this. My girl is very girly (I’m not exactly sure how that happened) and so she cries and fusses over every bump and fall, but never actually gets hurt. versus my boys who’ve each had black eyes, are always covered in bruises, and one’s even stabbed himself in his throat (yes, the one inside his mouth) with a comb. A puncture wound. From a comb. Oy.

  8. Girls are just hardier than boys. Also, we tend to not complain as much when we do get hurt. I once went a week with a broken elbow as a kid before I told my mom, “Yeah, I guess I better go to the doctor.”

  9. My first was a boy. My second, a girl, arrived 12 months and 3 days later. Being a strong believer in the theory that the differences between the sexes was all about how we raised them and not about some innate difference, I dressed my daughter in my son’s outgrown overalls and had all gender neutral toys. The result was that my son built firearms out of Legos (we had no toy guns in the house) and ran around screaming and shooting people. My daughter took the same Legos and made happy little families who spoke to each other in chirpy little voices. You can guess which one sustained more bruises, etc.

  10. Unfortunately, the bubble wrap starts to lose air as you get older – 54 years old & my first broken bone when I fell on ice. Prior to that I had dislocated my ring finger on my left hand (great for getting a wedding ring to fit), but really nothing else. As 1 of 2 girls we didn’t make many trips to the emergency room in my family until I started dating boys – then I was in a motorcycle accident (no major injuries to either of us, but a couple scary days waiting for test results).
    Enjoyed your post!

  11. Hehehe, awesome post! My mom probably wishes we came in bubble wrap, and all she has are three daughters. My older sister fell in a store one time and got a pretty bad concussion when she was five. I myself broke my arm twice as a toddler, and the breaks weren’t even a year apart. (I did end up with a cool surgical scar on my elbow to show for it though, hehe). The kicker? We were the calm ones! My little sister, on the other hand, could never just sit down. She’d bounce off the walls. Or climb them. Or flip around and do handstands, cartwheels and attempt to fly. Just about anything and everything. She even had this habit of hanging off of the edge of the staircase, head first, never failing to bestow heart attacks on whoever catches her doing it. She’s had more cuts, bruises and scrapes than we could count. To this day her shins are rough when you run your hands on them because she’s bumped them so much. Angel-given bubble wrap would have come in so handy.

    Although she probably did have some, come to think of it. Considering how much she’s put her body through, she never broke a bone or landed herself in the hospital. (Irony of ironies is that I was the daydreaming bookworm and yet I managed a double dose of that. All I had to do was simply fall off of things! The universe has a weird sense of humor).

  12. I love mini horses! As to the angels – maybe they have to keep their robes so pristine and if they were to catch those boys they’d be catching all that dirty too!

  13. I’m so jealous of you owning a horse. Even a rotten one like that. Was it anything like the really itty-bitty ones that help blind people and wear children’s sneakers? Because I want that kind.

    Phew that your kids are all okay!

  14. After raising twin boys, I think it has to do with boys don’t have the reasonable fear gene. If it looks scary and can draw blood, it has to be a good time. I am surprised they and I survived their childhood.

  15. What would little boys have to show other little boys if they didn’t get bruised, scraped and cut? Those are badges of honor!

  16. So funny. My oldest is a boy and my daughter is the youngest. I’ve named them Cautious and Curious in that order. My son will never do anything without checking it out and thinking about it for an hour first. My daughter jumps right in. She loves to play in the dirt (in a tutu) right along with him, so the stink factor is on at my house.

  17. Perfect…and true. I feel a serious need to knock a wooden something writing this…BUT same here. My sons are all ER regulars…one even left a finger there (well, a part of one) but my girl…my girl has never had more than a small scratch on her perfect little self.

  18. Hilarious!

    On a side note, my older child is a boy – he looks at books, has never torn one except by accident, is careful where he puts his feet, and has had only two emergency room visits, once for a reaction to peanuts (nothing life-threatening, DH was home with him and over-reacted to a mild case of contact dermatitis) and one for smashing his finger in a rocking chair at my parents’ house (three stitches and a splint for two weeks). He wouldn’t touch grass, and I couldn’t get him to go barefoot until he was over 2. I was shocked to the core when he voluntarily touched a worm earlier this spring.

    My daughter is 9 months. She looks at books, tries to shred them given the chance, eats dirt and mulch, loves to crawl through the grass, has on more than one occasion made a direct beeline for the street, tried to stick a finger in the single uncovered outlet in our house, and has hit her head enough times to almost have a crown of bruises. I shiver to think of what life with her as a running toddler will be like.

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