Talkin’ the Talk

I am feeling but poorly this weekend, so this post is one that I originally wrote four years ago. Please keep that in mind before you send your congratulations. I’m not pregnant!

* * *

My precious little guy is *this close* to asking me the question I’m avoiding. He did ask me the other day how the baby was going to come out. Apparently some of his friends are cesarean babies, and he assumed all mommies get “cut open”. I told him the baby would find its own way out. He asked where it would come out. Ummm.

It’s certainly not that I mind telling him. He needs to have this information, and now is a perfectly fitting time to give it to him. The problem is he will tell everyone! When he discovers some fascinating little factoid, he feels the need to share it with everyone he meets -friends, grandma, the minister. After receiving The Blue Planet for Christmas, he told his preschool teacher that the kandaru is a little fish who will swim up your urethra, should you ever pee in the Amazon river. I love that he is so filled with curiosity, but I am beginning to wonder when he will develop that precious trait called discretion. Some things that we know are best kept to ourselves, like where babies come from and how much Mommy really weighs.

Another slight issue is that his brain makes connections very rapidly. Again, this is where the filter would come in handy. I can see his little face when we have the talk. “You and Daddy did THAT?” and from then on before he enters our room he might knock and ask “Can I come in, or are you guys bumping uglies in there?” My beloved daughter makes connections just as rapidly, but the discretion fairy visited her long ago. Instead of commenting in some embarassing fashion on the birds and the bees, she sits in silent judgement. That is the how it should be.

So when the little guy asked me about the baby’s place of egress, I found myself putting him off.. “I have a book about it I’ll read to you when we get home.” Books are the source of all knowledge in our house, so he was satisfied with that offer. Sadly, that book got lost in the move.

*** Update – rest assured that my child is now as educated as a nine year old can be on this particular subject. Thank you, Planet EarthAlthough he may or may not believe that humans spawn like clown fish.


20 thoughts on “Talkin’ the Talk

  1. You’ve actually brought something up that I hadn’t thought about. It seems that whenever I talk to women of my daughter’s generation, most of them delivered by C section. And many of those were “emergency” C section. Is there a reason this is happening? When I gave birth, C section certainly occured, but it was the exception. Is it because babies are bigger now?

    • This is a big soap box for me, actually. In my area, at least, the rate of induction with some doctors is as much as 90%. If baby or mom isn’t ready, labor may not go the way it should, so they jump to c-sections. Doctors are also treating litigation-happy consumers, so they take fewer chances.

      Some c-sections ARE a medical necessity and a true blessing in emergencies. It’s the inductions because the doctor doesn’t want to report in on a weekend that get me.

  2. Sorry that you’re under the weather – there’s some kind of crud going around that hits HARD this year. Feel better…
    This is a really cute post, I bet it’s fun to look back at these.

  3. Hope you are able to actually take care of yourself & feel better soon! I lucked out, my son’s best friends mom was a nurse, and she did the honors for me after catching part of a conversation among some kids….she felt she needed to clear up afew miscinceptions. It was funny because she called me, worried I might be upset for her providing details, only to find out I was grateful for the help! Why are you reading this, go make some soup & crawl into bed woman!

  4. Sorry that you’re feeling under the weather, and hope you feel better soon! Hehe, I always find it hilarious to see what comes out of kids’ mouths. Another blogger once said her son (who knew and understood exactly how babies are made) told his schoolmates on the playground that sex is when a boy pees in a girl’s butt. Why he said it, the mom has no idea, but she thought it was bloody weird and had to have a talk with him. Hope your son uses the gift of discretion wisely now!

  5. Thanks for the reminders. This morning, my five year old declared that she didn’t want me in the room when she changed her pants, because she didn’t want me to see her butt. Yet she is still perfectly happy to yell outloud in a public bathroom, “mommy, are you going poo?”

  6. Sorry to hear you’re under the weather, get better soon! I told my daughter the truth about babies, but just edited for her age. When she first asked around 2, I told her the truth but only so much as I thought she would understand. When she asked again at 4, I still told the truth, but just a little more info. This way she didn’t have any illusions shattered when “she learned the truth”.
    On another note – I agree there are way too many C-sections these days. I think there may be some good reasons for this though. People are having a tougher time getting pregnant now because they are waiting longer to have their families (they are developing their careers first). The high percentage of womein with way too little body fat also leads to difficulties with conception & giving birth naturally. I think the models of the world (starting with Twiggy) have a lot to own up to.

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