I have poison ivy, in case you didn’t already know. I am bordering on the “seek a medical opinion” phase, so I did. On Facebook, of course. Wait. Where do you get your medical advice? Dr. Facebook has no copay. The only cost is your soul.
I got some great ideas. I liked sj’s suggestion to put calamine lotion in the fridge. My mom recommended a giant scratch-fest, followed by a dousing in rubbing alcohol. I liked the scratching part, anyway. Another friend suggested a pricey remedy that was ten times the cost of a bottle of calamine. And I went to Target to find it.
I was sorely (itchily?) disappointed. They do indeed have an entire section devoted specifically to “itching,” but it consists only of hydrocortisone creams in varying strengths and the cheap pink stuff. Thinking I was missing the “Sure fire, instantaneous cures for all things itchy” aisle, I went to the pharmacist. She shook her head. “That’s all we have. Hydrocortisone is what’s recommended, anyway.” Target, you have missed the boat, here. Do you not realize I was willing to pay $20 for a tube of hope? Who cares if it actually worked? It’s like Santa Claus. The power is in the believing.
I sent my husband out later in search of the magic ointment. The drug store is within walking distance of our house. I knew I was up a creek when he didn’t return for an hour. He handed me the bag, which contained calamine lotion. And a bottle of rubbing alcohol. Shame-faced, he told me he had, indeed, found the potion I had sent him for. And he asked me to guess how much it cost. Um, $20? Try $40. A single package of this amazing remedy would cost as much as a nice dinner out for the entire family. Yeah, no.
So how does the story end? With the bottle of alcohol and a most delicious scratch- frenzy. Cheap and satisfying, and I still have money left over to have a great dinner!