Students of Life

We’re never too old to learn. Not ever. Each and every day brings us the opportunity to learn something new, to add to our bank of knowledge. Don’t pass up your opportunity! You never know what’s out there. Allow me to share with you the things we learned this weekend.

My husband learned:

If I drop half a candy bar on the movie theater floor, I will wrap it back up, take it home, and put it in the freezer until such time I forget where it has been. In my defense, it was a 100 Grand bar. And sitting in the freezer for ten minutes six months  will kill any germs that may have hopped aboard. Right? This confession does not paint me in a good light, does it? Feel free to forget what you just learned.

You’d have done the same thing, and you know it. Thanks, Wiki, for the picture.

I learned: 

My husband loves coffee so much that not even a felony***  can keep him from his caffeine fix. For real. As we were driving into the parking lot of a nearby coffee shop, half a dozen police cars rushed in, lights flashing. A suspect, already cuffed and waiting to be stuffed was being wrestled to the ground by a pair of undercover cops. I thought perhaps we should skip the coffee altogether. Husband disagreed. His argument? This was now the safest coffee house in town, what with the eight cop cars and all. My favorite part was when the cop stopped beating the bushes for evidence (They really do that. They have a special golf club-looking piece of equipment for it and everything) and gave us a friendly “How ya’ll doin’? Don’t mind me!” wave as we drank our coffee.

My mom learned:

Heights literally scare the poop out of Squish. If you’re taking him to the playground to let him play on the big climbing structure, pack an extra pair of underwear. For him. And yourself, if watching a kid stumble around 8 feet off the ground makes you nervous.

*** suspect would like us to remind you all that at this moment, it is only an alleged felony. 

24 thoughts on “Students of Life

  1. Your husband’s argument for the coffee shop reminds me of the movie version of The World According To Garp. They’re looking at buying a house and a plane crashes in to it. Garp insists on buying it on the grounds that “What are the odds of that happening twice?”

  2. I wouldn’t even freeze that bar first. I’d just eat it (when no one was looking); I’m guessing it still tastes way better than the booger my daughter just ate. What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger…

  3. Thank you for clarifying “alleged” because I totally had him pegged as guilty. I mean they were hammering BUSHES. As for the candy bar, I think you may have lost a few points with me. Those are the stickiest floors in the world (as far as I know; I’ve never been to a strip club).

  4. When I was a poor high school student I worked at a movie theater and after every movie we’d have to clean the theaters. More often than you’d think, I found unopened candy bars on the floor (though sometimes squished), and yes, I ate them. If I was feeling particularly generous, I might share it with whoever was helping me clean. You can only get buy on free popcorn for so long.

  5. I would risk being obliterated by the bridgekeeper on Monty Python and the Holy Grail by answering thee these questions three if there was a Starbucks across the Bridge of Death…

  6. I would go to the coffee shop too. I would not eat the 100 Grand bar only because I don’t like them (don’t judge, it’s a dental issue). However, if it were a York peppermint patty or a Reese’s, I probably wouldn’t even freeze them first. I once dropped my York, wrapped, and then stepped on it and squished it. So I froze it to be able to remove it easier from the wrapper. But it was still stuck so I decided to thaw it in the microwave. I was 8, and microwaves were brand new technology. This is the day I learned the lesson about metal in the microwave, and the fact that paper-backed foil will actually catch fire in there.

    Poor peppermint patty. I still miss it.

  7. Nothing would keep me away from my caffeine fix. Nothing!!! If my favorite Starbucks was full of flesh eating zombies at 8:00 am on a monday morning, THEY would be the ones in grave danger if they got in MY way, while in my caffeine deprived zombie state! “Oh, so instead of passing me the half n half ASAP, you’re gonna try and take a big bite out of my arm? Well let’s see ya try it after I BITE YOUR HEAD OFF!!!”

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