Busting the Myths

I’ve known for a long time that I needed to do it. Way back in this post here, I knew that the choice was between my health and my vice. After nearly a year, the deed is done. I finally gave up coffee.

It has been over two weeks now, and I’m still going strong. I went from six (okay, eight) cups of fully-caffeinated French Roast a day to zero. Contrary to what you may have heard about weaning off of caffeine, it hasn’t been a big deal. Allow me to bust these myths for you one by one.

Myth #1 – You will have trouble staying awake as your body adjusts. 

Nothing could be further from the truth. I have fgkjklbntyu – oh! How embarrassing. I think my head just hit the keyboard. Sorry about that. As I was saying, I have had no issues staying awake. Little known fact, though. Sometimes when you give up coffee, your head will weigh more. Or seem to. And you may drool with more frequency.

Myth #2 – You will experience increased irritability. 

Puh-lease. That’s just a scare tactic, a rumor spread about by the coffee industry to keep people hooked on their glorious, delicious, aromatic- what? oh, yeah. To keep you hooked on their poison. That’s what I was trying to say. Anyway, I have not seen an increase in irritability. I mean, there was that one time that I went after a Volvo with a golf club, but it was a totally isolated incident and had nothing to do with caffeine deprivation. That grandma totally had it coming when she took my parking place. And Volvos are surprisingly well-made. No harm done.

Myth #3 – You may lose some mental acuity. 

Whatever. I’m just as sharp as I ever… wait. What was I talking about? Rabbits. I am pretty sure we were discussing rabbits. So cute!

Myth #4 – You will experience headaches.

This is a completely erroneous statement. I have experienced no caffeine headaches. Someone has driven an invisible railroad spike through my head, but the most logical culprit is Thomas the Tank Engine. He is the devil.

Myth #5 – Your precious coffee cup will miss you. You will wake in the night hearing him cry for you because his life has lost all meaning.

Actually, this one might actually be true. Earmuffs sometimes help. It’s also recommended that you don’t sleep with him under your pillow.

This is how I feel. I don’t know why Phoebe looks so sad. SHE didn’t give up her coffee.

71 thoughts on “Busting the Myths

  1. A couple of years ago, I decided to start cutting my coffee with half de-caf. After about two weeks, I told my husband what I had done. His reply: “Thank God. I thought I was going through depression.”

  2. I could never give up my coffee, and I certainly couldn’t write about doing it as hilariously as you just have! Fantasticly funny post, well done!!

  3. I gave up cokes, for the caloric intake that was evident in my hip area, and I did so good for a whole year, then one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore, and cracked one open. Ahhhh… delicious, and refreshing! Good luck to you, hope you make it, I had to settle for rationing myself.

  4. Congratulations! It seems that everyone I know is addicted to coffee. Perhaps, it should be called the Starbucks Syndrome. I never acquired the taste, so I got addicted to Coke (the drink, ha). However, I haven’t had one in 1 1/2 years.

  5. Wow, that’s not easy to do! I managed to cut my consumption to just one cup a day, right in the morning – and for the first few weeks I slept much easier and was less cranky. But as usual, life bust in and stressy things happened and I couldn’t sleep again, even on my one a day programme. Still, I like not feeling jittery all the time. I think I might even be marginally less bitchy than usual and that’s gotta be a good thing!

  6. i miss coffee 😦 i had to stop drinking it though because caffeine gives my headaches 😦 i found it relatively easy to give up but the headaches helped with the motivation, my problem is rocky road i could stop eating if i wanted to , i just dont want to 🙂 ever 🙂 have a superfab day and stay away from rocky roads –because they all mine 🙂 xx

  7. Well-done and welcome in my camp. I never got into the habit and I can truthfully say that I never missed it. I used to make myself swallow some coffee when I struggled with low blood pressure about 15 years ago but the bitterness always made me liken it to medicine. Imagine all the money I have saved over the years! Just think about that when the beckoning of your coffee cup become unbearable. Be strong!

  8. I had to quit because I was getting headaches at 3 a.m. But I was a weenie and weaned off it slowly so as to avoid the head-banging, nausea-inducing headaches. And I had to wait till after I retired because of your aforementioned head on the keyboard at work. I still have decaf. I think it’s the ritual of grinding it etc.

  9. Long ago I went through a period of a few weeks where I was getting headaches every Monday. It turns out someone switched all the office coffee to decaf without telling anyone.

  10. I think I gave up caffeinated coffee. I say I think I did because I mix the regular with decaf and I’m haphazard about the measuring. Anyway, I think I’m better off now. I haven’t spit at anyone or thrown anyone down the stairs at work for a long time.

    Hilarious writing! You will survive!

  11. Well. So nice that you haven’t experienced any side effects…..so to speak. Ha ha. Great post. More power to you, I don’t think I could do it….

  12. As long as you don’t replace your coffee with coke!!! It has more caffeine in it than coffee. I have one bowl of coffee in the morning then switch to tea. Tea always SOUNDS less poisonous, but apparently is just as bad.. ah well. In italy a woman told me that her doctor prescribed a cup of coffee in the morning for her low blood pressure.. hmm.. c

  13. Pingback: Saturday Link Encyclopedia and Self-Promotion « Clarissa's Blog

  14. BC: Seriously, Babe? Coffee, wine, and books make life worth living! DISCLAIMER: I only drink 1 – 2 cups a day so I don’t know if I should talk since I’ve never had 8 cups of coffee in one day in my life. But when I drink it is joy personified. My first cup in the a.m. must be absolutely perfect. I have searched the world for the perfect coffee maker and frequently keep my intel updated from Cuisinard. The last cup of the day must be French pressed and I’ll only drink either cup with half-and-half. Both must be piping hot. Also, serve me coffee with milk or powdered crap and we will have some issues. (Ha, do you still believe I was born in the ghetto without a pot to “you know what in” or a window to throw it out of?) 🙂

    Seriously, that’s excellent that you’ve kicked the habit. Just delete my tempting comment. You go girl! 🙂

  15. Well done you! Over the last few years I have given up a couple big vices, cigs and alchole, but giving up my cuppa is a tough one! I do in the evening drink decaf tea, but it just doesn’t taste the same! X

    • I gave up cream over a year ago with no problem. Sugar hasn’t been a big deal I don’t think. Maybe that’s why I’m sitting here eating straight out of the sugar bowl.

  16. The words “give up coffee” strike terror and fear into my heart. I tried once, but was never so sick in my life. The railroad spike in the head became even worse with dry heaves. I vowed never to give up coffee again. I have cut down, though. But I can’t bear the thought of giving it up. I love everything about it: the taste, the smell, the warmth.

    Congratulations on doing what is, to me, the impossible!

    • I love it, too. So much. The cruel irony this morning was having a coffee pot foul-up that required me to make a full pot instead of the three cups my husband drinks. It is sitting on the counter. Mocking me.

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