I’ve known for a long time that I needed to do it. Way back in this post here, I knew that the choice was between my health and my vice. After nearly a year, the deed is done. I finally gave up coffee.
It has been over two weeks now, and I’m still going strong. I went from six (okay, eight) cups of fully-caffeinated French Roast a day to zero. Contrary to what you may have heard about weaning off of caffeine, it hasn’t been a big deal. Allow me to bust these myths for you one by one.
Myth #1 – You will have trouble staying awake as your body adjusts.
Nothing could be further from the truth. I have fgkjklbntyu – oh! How embarrassing. I think my head just hit the keyboard. Sorry about that. As I was saying, I have had no issues staying awake. Little known fact, though. Sometimes when you give up coffee, your head will weigh more. Or seem to. And you may drool with more frequency.
Myth #2 – You will experience increased irritability.
Puh-lease. That’s just a scare tactic, a rumor spread about by the coffee industry to keep people hooked on their glorious, delicious, aromatic- what? oh, yeah. To keep you hooked on their poison. That’s what I was trying to say. Anyway, I have not seen an increase in irritability. I mean, there was that one time that I went after a Volvo with a golf club, but it was a totally isolated incident and had nothing to do with caffeine deprivation. That grandma totally had it coming when she took my parking place. And Volvos are surprisingly well-made. No harm done.
Myth #3 – You may lose some mental acuity.
Whatever. I’m just as sharp as I ever… wait. What was I talking about? Rabbits. I am pretty sure we were discussing rabbits. So cute!
Myth #4 – You will experience headaches.
This is a completely erroneous statement. I have experienced no caffeine headaches. Someone has driven an invisible railroad spike through my head, but the most logical culprit is Thomas the Tank Engine. He is the devil.
Myth #5 – Your precious coffee cup will miss you. You will wake in the night hearing him cry for you because his life has lost all meaning.
Actually, this one might actually be true. Earmuffs sometimes help. It’s also recommended that you don’t sleep with him under your pillow.