What Did You Expect?

I get my hair cut about once a year. For real. Sometimes not even that often. I think my record was four years and culminated in a donation to Locks of Love. I know my schedule sounds weird to a lot of people, including my stylist who recommends a visit every six weeks. Of course, he does. Whatever. I don’t go because it costs too much. I pay as much for my lone haircut as my sister does for three of hers.

Apparently, my hair is hard to cut. Not so much the cutting as the making it look good when it’s done. Wavy hair and nests of oddly placed cow-licks are nothing to toy with. While it’s not easy to give me a good haircut, it’s a cakewalk to give me a bad one. I’ll tell you about them sometime. My current guy is the only one who has been able to produce consistent and excellent results that are totally worth the money. As in, I don’t look like a Weird Al with bad hair. For a few weeks, I actually like what I see in the mirror.

I’m not a vain person. Obviously because I get my coif done once a year. But given a choice between six weeks a year of looking and feeling great or 52 weeks of looking like something the cat dragged in, I’m going with the annual ‘do. And yesterday was it.

When I walked in, I knew something was wrong. All eyes behind the counter were on me. They were not totally excited to see me because due to a serious computer glitch, they had double-booked all of their appointments for the next two weeks. The receptionist offered an apologetic smile, gestured to the lady who has walked in right before me and said “That’s his real three o’clock.” I passed a brief Pinocchio/ Velveteen Rabbit moment and wondered what I needed to do to become a real appointment and humbly took my seat.

After a few minutes, I got called back to the shampooing spot (I suppose they’re called sinks, but what do I know? I only go once a year), and I remembered that I don’t like having my hair washed by strangers. I couldn’t relax because said stranger was scrubbing my head with skull-rattling vigor. Then she totally threw me off by asking “Do you want a massage?” What kind of question is that? Do I? I don’t know…What part of my body is involved, and does it cost extra?  I opted out. Just as a crack of thunder broke and the lights flickered. Of course.

Phoebe says “At least she didn’t try to give you a flea dip.”

Why wouldn’t the power threaten to go out? It’s been out at my house four times in the last two weeks. I am the anti- He-man, it appears. I imagined a bowl-cut by candlelight. But the lights stayed on. Finally The Real Three O’Clock was finished, and it was my turn. The woman must have had a power switch in her butt because the moment her tookus left the chair, the lights went out. And stayed that way.

Fortunately, it was early enough in the day that there was plenty of light, despite the cloud cover. The receptionist merely raised the blinds, and all was well. It was with much relief that I parked myself in the swivel chair and let the cutting commence.  But then it dawned on me. No power = no blow dryer. Sad face.

I was kind of counting on the whole blow-dry-of-the-hair thing. It’s a treat to get my hair all fixed up. I was looking forward to it.  And I don’t actually own a hair dryer myself. What? You found that admission surprising? Re-read paragraph one while the class waits for you.

So no fluff drying. I did suggest that perhaps he have all the other stylists get together and blow on my head, but he declined. I’m not sure why. He’s the owner of the salon. I’m sure they’d have done it if he asked nicely. But whatever. All I can say is that I didn’t get the full salon experience, and I feel cheated. If I had been more than a Three O’Clock impersonator, I’d have had the electricity to do the job right. I try not to think about it.

I think I might go a little nuts and schedule myself another appointment in six months. Or maybe I’ll buy myself a blow dryer.

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22 thoughts on “What Did You Expect?

  1. oh no!!! i’m so sorry… i’m with you on the blow-drying treatment! although, as rarely as i get my hair cut, it’s NOWHERE near your sked, hahah!!!

  2. enjoyed this post 🙂 i am not as brave as you i dont trust hairdressers 🙂 i always cut my own at the moment i have a bob and thats good its really easy to do 🙂 have a super day xx

  3. I would have walked out and said I’ll reschedule when he can pamper me to the extent my money deserves! 🙂 But I’m spoiled that way. But really it’s because I refuse to pay full price for something I only get partial value for.

  4. How’s the new haircut look?? Curious minds want to know! I’m right there with you on the annual cuts and not owning a blow dryer or hair straightener – my friends are horrified. 🙂 Yay for low maintenance ‘dos!

  5. I keep my hair so short that I not only don’t own a blow dryer, I don’t own a brush or a comb. I have to attend my hair cutting every six weeks or I might have to buy said comb or brush. I grew my hair (It grows fast) for three years to donate for Locks of Love, it was my third time, for a friends daughter. I hated all that hair, but it was fun to get it shaved off again.

    Loved this entry!

  6. Me too! I always get the weird eye when I walk into my “salon” after a year and a half on no-show and decline all the extras (conditioner, blow-dry). Yeah, I know, hairdressers want to live, too, but I’d rather spend the money on things that really matter to me. Like going to the movies once in a while. It’s dark there, so no-one sees my ponytail.

    I do own a blow dryer though, although I only use it when I have a cold and need to go out soon after I washed my hair. I hear blow-drying is very damaging for your hair, thank you very much.

  7. Thank you. Now I know one other person who gets their hair did on the same schedule as I do. I should consider covering my copious amounts of rapidly multiplying grays, but alas… the thought of the ongoing expense makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

  8. Fantastic post per usual, but I’m getting a little freaked out by the constant power outages. Let me know when blood and frogs fall from the sky so I can get ready for the apocalypse.

  9. My haircutter (his shop is out back of his house) washes my hair with the garden hose–not a bad thing in this heat wave.

  10. I live for my annual visit to the salon where I get a head massage and the industrial hair straightening! Glad to know there are lots of normal women out there who don’t go every 6 weeks! Sorry you didn’t get the blow dry. They should offer you a free wash and blow dry to make up for it.

  11. My stylist is my sister, who lives next door. I’m never offered a blow dry – she expects me to stand outside and let the breeze fluff it up. I don’t even get a shampoo spot. I have to wet my head with her garden hose. I never tip her, either.

  12. I have a hair appointment tomorrow in fact — it’s been a while for me too. I really only get my hair done so I can look unabashedly through all the smutty celebrity rags. It’s not my fault there’s nothing more to read there. Oh, I guess I’ll have to settle in with an article on Katie Holmes’ Not Without My Daughter escape from Scientology. What choice do I have?

    I happen to have a really great hair picture of you that will be shared on my blog next week.

  13. …but…I wanna see a picture! Haha, I never get my hair cut, either, and when I do, it’s because I drag my mom out onto her back porch and hand her a pair of (sometimes dull–eek!) scissors. She never offers to blowdry my hair at the end, though. That’s why I don’t tip her.

  14. My hairdresser refers to my appointments as my “semi-annual tune ups.” Oh well. But thank you so much for the link to Locks of Love — I have a ton of hair and have had a hard time (surprisingly) figuring out what the rules are for donating it. Now I know!

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