Take our recent trip to Dollywood. Shut up. We had free tickets. Despite the blaring and terrible country music, we had a great time, and we even learned a thing or two.
What I learned: visit a theme park on an overcast Wednesday where there’s a 60% chance of rain. You’ll walk right on even the biggest attractions.
What husband learned: it is more fun to take wife places that aren’t crowded because it’s easier for her to hide the crazy. Win!
What girl-child learned: sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Dollywood wasn’t her idea.
What Padawan learned: Dollywood is the greatest place on earth to spend a 10th birthday.
What Squish learned: the ride does not stop just because you want it to.
It started with a little ride called “Piggy Parade.” And I do mean little. The only requirement was that riders have upper body control. I swear, that’s what the sign says. And it looked like fun, even to Squish. But then the operator started the ride rather roughly, with a bone-rattling jerk. And that was all Squish needed to question the wisdom of his decision.
This attraction is not providing the riding pleasure I had hoped.
Which led to this:
I would prefer to depart now. Could you please stop?
And finally this:
You will be hearing from my attorney
***I am not a totally horrible parent. He’s not actually crying. This is drama-face. If he had really been crying, I would not have posted the pictures. I would have deleted them and pretended the whole thing never happened. He has some weird little fears, but he’ll grow out of them. I doubt he’ll ever strap himself into a giant pig again, though.
Becoming Cliche 
I am so freaking jealous you went to Dollywood!!!!!!! Multiple exclamation points are necessary. B would rather DIE than go. I am already indoctrinating the baby to want to go as there is power in numbers. That pig seems to be feeling the thrill.
I used to go all the time. We hadn’t been in about 5 years because I couldn’t imagine navigating with a baby. It might be kitschy, but seeing the wonder in a little one’s eyes is magical.
I want to go to Dollywoood! Actually, so does my husband. Maybe when we come visit, you’ll take us?
Of COURSE! When can I expect you? Dinner is at six.
I’m almost certain on our family cross-country travels (fun, but when you put 5 family members in a car that seats 4, the little one gets to sit BEHIND the back seat… um… that was me) we waved to Dollywood as we drove by it to get to Opryland.
Better music, worse rides, I think.
Squish does NOT look amused. The photos are hilarious and I’m glad he doesn’t seem to be scarred for life. He will probably have a different take from the rest of us on the phrase, “when pigs fly” though. 😉
The pigs scarred him so much that he gave the flying elephants wide berth, but no nightmares. *knocks frantically on wood*
Dollywood makes me miss Opryland.
I know. I went when I was a teen. It was serious fun!
“Stop the Pig, I Want To Get Off” wasn’t that a movie title?
I think it was a political campaign.
Poor Squish. I hope he isn’t forever traumatized when he hears, “When pigs fly. . . “
Is Dollywood where the rejects from American Idol get sent?
My son has similar reactions to rides except he tries to stand and keeps repeating “Get out. Get out.” That merry-go-round felt like it lasted an hour.
You’ve got to admire his upper body control though.
Hershey Park scarred my sister into being afraid of people in costumes after a giant Reeses cup tried to hug her when she was 2. Terrified of Santa Clause because of that. She did grow out of it and is a normal junior high kid now. 🙂
Ah poor Squish. He will probably be forever cured of wanting BLT’s too. 🙂