I Failed. I’m Sorry.

I have a confession to make. You may already be aware that I gave up coffee back in June. Wow. Has it been that long? I did it for health reasons, and it wasn’t easy. Two days ago, I fell off the wagon. I have found that there is no more effective treatment for injuries sustained when falling from a moving vehicle than a pot of coffee. So I made one. And a few hours later, I made another. In my defense, I didn’t drink it all, but the idea that I could was empowering.

I am trying to maintain a casual relationship with coffee this time around. We can hang sometimes, but I’m not going all co-dependent. No more sitting around the pot and waiting for it to brew or planning my every waking moment around our relationship. It helps that there are fewer actual walking moments now that I’m limiting my intake.

In keeping with my good intentions, this morning I chose not to make a full pot. I reasoned that if there was nothing left for me, it just wasn’t wasn’t meant to be. And my husband drank it all. And now I hate him a little. It’s no biggie. I can cope. Sweet husband needed the caffeine kick to start his day. I understand. I mean, it’s not like I birthed his children or bought him tickets to see Eric Clapton. Twice. It’s cool. I’ll get by. It’s not like Edward was getting lonely and questioning his purpose in life. It’s all good.

It could be that I stayed up a bit too late last night watching the most terrible movie of the year, but I never realized how difficult it is to muster the motivation to pour water over beans without first being caffeinated. But I’ll get by. It’s laundry time now, friends.

Anybody know what starch does to boxer shorts?

I have nothing else to add


61 thoughts on “I Failed. I’m Sorry.

  1. This is funny to me because I had to give up my beloved coffee almost 2 years ago (for health reasons also) But discovered this past week that my tummy now tolerates it.. (To a point i have found out).. So what did I do??? I drank not 1, not 2 but 3 large cups of coffee yesterday.. and made my tummy hurt, gave myself a headache and felt like throwing up for hours..

  2. You’re a much better woman than I. Caffeine and I still have a very close relationship. I tell myself that once the kids can function on their own and I’m not on call 24/7, I’ll probably cut back. And then I laugh at how absurd that is.

  3. I think you’re allowed to indulge occasionally. Kiefer gave up coffee. Now he says, “He’s just cut back.” And I don’t help. I’m an enabler…because he’s grumpy first thing in the morning without coffee.

  4. Way to go Heather! This post cracked me up because I have BEEN there. From a POT of coffee per day, I’m back to the morning cup, though I limit myself to only 6 ozs, seriously diluted with coconut milk and some pumpkin pie spice sweetener. My fuzzy mornings perk right up as I drink my last drop.

    Hang in there. I sleep better, am awake better (and nicer), and my breast fibroids and bad periods have disappeared (just like the OBGYN said they would). Downside is that I’m back to a flat chest now. Everything must have its downside, right?

  5. Going through the same w/ Coke of the cola kind. Rough. I allow myself one every now and again but no more drinking them all day long which I did and ultimately ended up like a crazed jacked up hyper monkey with a nervous condition. I’m all calm and zen now. It’s great. Not. Good luck!

  6. You are much stronger than me! I’m on to my third cup now. Sorry to rub it in.

    Your husband is no friend of mine now. I will officially unlike him after your great Father’s Day tribute to him…until I hear otherwise.

  7. You and me both. I had to scale back my coffee consumption to one cup a day last week because I was constantly dehydrated and massively thirsty. I feel so much better now that I did, but I still miss having it around as my constant companion.

  8. I love this. I don’t judge anyone who resumes an old habit. There’s that saying about them “dying hard” for a reason, right? I sometimes go to bed really excited to wake up and have my coffee. That’s how much I love it. I don’t have last-minute night-time fantasies of Ryan Gosling, nope. It’s of coffee.

  9. I gave up coffee years ago for my health too. About 3 years ago I started back with a casual relationship with it & I’ve been able to maintain my 1 – 2 cups a day relationship since. It was very hard to quit though, so my sympathies are with you trying to quit. Keep up the good work! I don’t envy your husband though.

  10. I gave up caffeine, too. I quickly recognized the foolishness of that and took it back up. Besides, I started reading a lot of news articles about how good coffee is for you. I’m not going to deprive myself of one of the few beverage pleasures I have!

    • I know! As soon as I gave it up, all these studies came out of the woodwork making me think I would drop dead if I didn’t start drinking it again. That’s my story, and i’m sticking to it.

  11. At least coffee has no calories and is *supposed to* help you metabolize fat. I’m trying to give up drinking alcohol. Went from cocktails to red wine to white wine. Now I’m thinking about getting a kid sippy straw to bring it down further.

  12. One night, I went to set up coffe for the next morning, but we were out. I mentioned it to hubby in passing. The next morning I woke up to him standing over me with a steaming cup of coffee from the corner store. I said, “Ohhhhhh, how sweet. You didn’t have to do that.”

    I knew it was time to quit when his response was, “I didn’t do it for you…I did it for me!

  13. Great post! I gave caffeine up about 4 & a half years ago after my then fiancé, now husband, challenged me to it. After a year I started to have the odd diet coke here and there (after my first born – it was a requirement to stay alive). A supposedly reliable coffee chain once made me a drink that was meant to be decaf – literally from the first sip I knew something was wrong – but my mind (still boggled with baby brain) didn’t connect the fuzziness, the slight headache, the nausea with that sweet nectar I was drinking. How trusting. How foolish. Needless to say, half an hour later I had an agonising migraine and we had to pull over the car so I could get some fresh air as I felt like my stomach was caving in on me. Oh, how I wish I could drink caffeine again. Now, even diet cokes are intolerable. *sigh* If you can get away with it, go for having the odd one – no judgies!!!

    – Nina x

    • I think it would be worse if i knew I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. At least now I can say “I can drink you any time I want. I just don’t want.’ I don’t like being told I can’t do anything.

  14. BC: As an avid coffee drinker did I not tell you that giving up coffee is not something I could have done. As much as I want to go to Heaven when I die, if coffee is banned, I may have to reconsider! Here’s the thing: make yourself the best cup of coffee money can buy in the best machine (hotness is the key) first thing in the morning. Enjoy a cup or two in peace and quiet while you meditate with your higher being than don’t drink any more throughout the day because no other cup with match up to that “gold standard” experience. That’s how I do it and it works for me. It’s “quality” not “quantity” that will undergird the experience and help you get away from the afternoon jitters and the midnight insomnia. All the best and congrats on a very funny post.

  15. Coffee-diuresis-more coffee; an uncomfortable cycle, but it is not so easy to give it up. Sustains me throughout the day. The problem begins when I get home and mom limits my coffee drinking. 😀
    BTW, did you try the ‘starch on the boxers’ experiment? 😛

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