Advantages to Keeping Reptiles

1) No one takes your ice cream. Because it’s resting on a bag of frozen rats.

2) You have a use for all of those college text books. 

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The more weighty the tome, the better. I recommend something other than the Twilight series. Not only are they rather lightweight in a literary sense, trade paperbacks aren’t heavy enough to hold a rosy boa in its cage.

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3) Overnight visitors are rare. Buy one snake, and suddenly all the out-of-town family is piling into a hotel. And they invite you to swim in the pool. Double score!

4) All the neighborhood kids think that you’re the coolest parent in the entire world. What kid doesn’t want to share a room with a python?

5) Your bad-itude level increases exponentially. People will not mess with you when they hear the words “Yeah, I’ve got to go home and feed my boa.” There is no need to add that said boa is five inches long.

BIG, SCARY BOA! Do not be messing with me.

There may be a few disadvantages, too.

1) Cages can’t be kept too near a window. Not because of drafts, but because their red night bulbs give the neighbors (and the cops) the wrong idea.

2) It’s extra sad to open the freezer and realize the only thing you have to eat is a bag of rats.

3) It’s hard to find a house-sitter. 

4) Reptiles have no respect for the saying “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” 

5) People who live in the same house don’t appreciate nearly drinking a mouse that is thawing in their favorite cup. There might be an entire blog post on this particular topic. Sorry, sweetie! I’ll try to remember to quit using your cup!

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33 thoughts on “Advantages to Keeping Reptiles

  1. awesome 🙂 you would definitely have been the coolest parent-of-a-friend when I was a kid! My mom was (is) firmly against snakes. Geeze, you get bitten by one rattler as a child, and suddenly you’re all “eww, snakes, I don’t like them”. BAH. And all I wanted was a corn snake.

  2. My husband adores reptiles. Me – not so much. But I’m allergic to everything furry, so the reptiles find their way in, but rarely out. We’ve had a series of turtles and tortoises. They seem to escape or get some weird turtle infection or something, but by then I’m ready to kill dh because he likes to collect the animals but like a six-year-old keeps “forgetting” to clean up after them. But other than the messy cages (which he swears THIS time he’ll do better with, unlike the other 5,000 times) I admit I like turtles okay. They’re kind of cute, and like me, they’re slow. I identify with that.

    Right now Thing Two (the youngest who is obsessed as daddy with pets) has a pet hermit crab. He creeps me out but she adores him and carries his cage with her everywhere. Yayyy.

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