Mediocre Expectations

You knew I would do it. Everyone else is doing it. I did it last year. It’s kind of expected. Don’t look at me that way. You probably did it, too. So there.

My New Year’s Resolutions for lucky number ’13.

1) Eat healthy food. This year, it’s strictly reduced fat Pop Tarts for me. And no more than one Moon Pie per week day.

2) Be less cliche. Which is why I’m posting my resolutions the second week of the new year. I thought about posting this in February, but I don’t want to change too much too fast.

3) Be more feminine. This year, I pledge to trim my mustache the first Saturday of the month, no excuses. 

4) Adopt a healthy lifestyle. One entire exercise video a day in 2013. Next year, I might even follow along. To be ready to take advantage of impromptu exercise opportunities, I will need to always wear sweatpants.

5) Learn at least one new thing. I can already cross this one off my list. I already learned that it was a mistake to add an account on my computer for my husband after his laptop died. Now he’s sitting in my chair.

6) Spend less time online. Done and done. See #5 This makes two things I can cross off my list, and it’s only the second week of 2013!

7) Read every book that came preloaded on Cujo. At least the titles. There are 100 of them, and some of those are kind of long.

8) Be more environmentally friendly. I may quit taking the kids to school. Think of all the paper and pencils that won’t go into a landfill.

9) Buy fewer toys. For the kids. My Harry Potter action figures aren’t toys. They’re collectibles.

10 Complete the things I start. There is nothing more annoying than

11) Read at least ten works of sci-fi/fantasy that are new to me. I thought I could start with the federal budget.

How about you? How do you plan to improve yourself this year?


30 thoughts on “Mediocre Expectations

  1. That is so many resolutions! I usually only have one theme to guide me through my year. “Be a joyful girl,” “Re-dedication to excellence,” etc. This year I have one that is a concrete goal, though. I’m worried I’ll jinx it if I say it. If I don’t make it happen, I’ll have to make a mid-year resolution. “Try and try again” perhaps.

    • I hope it will be great. The first seven seven days haven’t been bad, but I was kind of hoping the president would call and make me the queen of the universe by now. There’s always tomorrow, though.

  2. I wasn’t aware I could be improved?! I guess my contribution would be: Stop laughing at silly puns and other too foreseeable jokes (re # 10, I just giggled my head off at this).

    Wait, shouldn’t that be 13 resolutions up there? Oh, but then I forgot # 2.

    Happy New Year, Heather.

  3. I still have not eaten a moon pie so my new years resolution will be to eat a moon pie once. The rest I will send to you so you can eat one once more too. I am sorry I did not find a tuatara in NZ for you, in fact once i found out how expensive the zoo was I let the idea go.. I did find some gheckos.. well actually only their tails, my sons cat had eaten the rest. Bad cat. c

  4. So. . .I’m still chuckling and it’s been 15 minutes since I finished reading your list! Too funny. I know exactly what you mean about trying to resist the proverbial blog post about New Year’s Resolutions which is why I wrote about my butt talking back to me (somehow it made sense then). I love the “no more than one moon-pie per week. . .ah, day” Happy New Year, my friend!

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