In Search of Luxury, With Unexpected Results

Sometimes I need a little luxury in my life. Not diamonds or fancy cars. For me, luxury is a cozy, comfortable bed that I can prop up in at the end of a long day to read or catch up on Downton Abbey. Don’t judge. And pillows equal comfy. Large, fluffy pillows that hold their shape in a four hour reading marathon. I don’t have any, which makes me a little sad.

This weekend, I was determined to right this wrong, but due to my second round of car issues in two months (insert sad violin music here), I was stuck at home. Enter the internet. Or is that inter the enternet? I forget.

Anyway, I hopped online to hunt down some awesome new pillows. Though my love for the Oxford comma is no secret, I started my search at Bed Bath and Beyond. They aren’t a grammar store, so I can forgive them their name. And they have “bed” right in the name. It seemed a logical place to shop. Turns out, there’s not a whole lot of logic over there.

I entered a search for “pillow.” Boy, were there lots of options!

They have pillows for every taste.

They have pillows for every taste.

 

A search for “large pillow” turned up this:

Because they know I don't really want pillows.

Because they know I don’t really want pillows.

 

“Body pillow” turned up these, um, beauties:

I'll take 2. Or number 2. Same diff.

I’ll take 2. Or number 2. Same diff.

 

And then there was this, the most disturbing of all:

 

That looks, um, comfy? Is she resting or being eaten?

That looks, um, comfy? Is she resting or being eaten?

 

A closer look at the “feeding” features of this lovely:

Um, yes. I'll take two. Does the baby doll come with it?

 I’ll take two. Does the baby doll come with it?

 

I never knew shopping for pillows would be so complicated. I ordered a couple. Hopefully the next time you hear from me, I’ll be resting comfortably on my gigantic python-pillow. I do hope it comes in stainless steel.

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30 thoughts on “In Search of Luxury, With Unexpected Results

  1. Dishwasher-safe…for those who like to eat in bed? And maybe Bella and Edward should’ve had steel pillows during their honeymoon…or would even those not have withstood the force of their…er…passion?

  2. I was shopping for a new shower curtain a couple weeks ago and had similar problems with Bed Bath and Beyond. They kept throwing in things like baby bathtubs and toilet brushes on my search page. Confusing! I ended up buying them through Amazon instead. Because Amazon owns my soul.

    Strangely enough, I was just thinking yesterday I need new pillows because mine are about 15 years old and look like they are from an abandoned house down by a river that was also caught in a fire. But I don’t think I could buy them online because I need to test the squishiness. My mom has new pillows at her house and they are TOO TALL. You can’t even get your neck up on those things. And they don’t squish down. They give you neck-cricks. I wouldn’t want one of those things and I’m pretty sure if I bought one online, that’s what I’d get.

    • If they were pillows we were to sleep on, I’d have been pickier. I just wanted nice, pretty propping pillows.

      Have you ever read reviews online for pillows? Pretty entertaining. People have high expectations for them, apparently.

  3. I have pillows of every description. I have the neck pillows & foam slab pillows. My last pillow purchase I got side sleeper pillows – they are much more flexible than my other pillows. When people come to visit I give them their choice of pillow. Like you, I love to lay in bed to read with a whole bunch of pillows! I have a body pillow, but it’s just like a long fat noodle. I would love one of those leech looking things though.

  4. I was missing your posts recently and stumbled upon this. And to think, our ancestors used rocks as a pillows. And they were also dishwasher safe and rust-proof, I’m sure.

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