It happens sometimes. The good things swirl around and around me, teasing with their nearness, but then they dance away again like bashful butterflies, never lighting on me.
The last couple of weeks have been like that. I feel like I am invisible. I see the people around me wallowing in the richness. I try to be happy for them, to experience their joy the way I know they would for me. But it’s hard. I am sick and sad and a little jealous.
I ask myself what’s wrong with me? Am I not as good as everybody else? Why them? Why not me? Am I invisible? I want to scream “HERE I AM!” Is there something wrong with me?
Sometimes I feel angry, too. I have the same wants and needs as anybody else.
I pick myself up and move on. It is for me to choose how I view the world, and I choose hope. I get out of bed now each and every morning with one thought. Maybe today is for me. Perhaps it is my turn. And I feel that hope. And I hold onto it and I pray.
And one day, when I say it, it will be true. One day will be the day that someone says those words I so long to hear:
“Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?”
Because I WOULD like to buy some Thin Mints. I have money and everything. And not a single Girl Scout has asked. It hurts. But maybe today will be my day. I have $4. Let’s talk.