The One In Which I Realize We are Doomed as a Society

The Girl-child and I went to the movies last week. We bought our tickets for Pass the Light. Given the movie’s premise, we expected to leave the theater full of hope and with spirits lifted. How wrong we were.

I don’t mind shelling out for a quality picture, and therein lies the rub. Hollywood and I don’t often see eye-to-eye on what constitutes quality. The Imitation Game? High quality. Noah? Not. So. Much. And of course now producers are really into remakes because they’re all out of ideas. If they’re going to make imitations of great movies, I should be able to print my own imitation money to pay for the ticket, right?

If I'm going to make my own money, I'm going to put my own image on it. Still rockin' the track suit.

If I’m going to make my own money, I’m going to put my own image on it. Still rockin’ the track suit.

I know. I’m not turning into my mom. That ship has sailed. I’m turning straight into my grandma. Let me just seal that particular deal by saying “Movies today? They’re all sex, sex, sex, and blowing people up! In MY day, producers knew how to make good movies, movies that make you think!”

After our movie trip, I firmly believe that society as a whole is going to hell in a handbasket. Producers will show anything to make a quick buck. There is no modesty anymore. The most intimate moments are broadcast for everyone to see. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, is left to the imagination. I cannot believe people want to see this stuff! We are quickly becoming desensitized, and the definition of what is appropriate is being rewritten at frightening speed. I left the theater horrified, uncomfortable, disillusioned. Because of the pre-move commercials.

I do not want to live in a world that thinks it is even a little bit okay to advertise something like this *** (click to enlarge):

Here's a hint. If it's sold at Skymall, it probably needs to be kept a secret.

Here’s a hint. If it’s sold at Skymall, it probably needs to be kept a secret.

I know that *ahem* personal products like this exist, just like I know things like tax auditors and  boy bands exist. That doesn’t mean I want them shoved in my face. Some things are best kept to ourselves.

I was okay with the product itself. It was the demonstration that gave me the screaming willies. Beautiful model? Check. Pumice sander? Check. Closeup of the bits of beautiful model’s feel sanded off in a floating cloud of skin particles? CHECK!

MY EYES! MY POOR, POOR EYES! Why did anyone think it was advisable to be so graphic? It didn’t used to be that way. Anybody remember the good old days, back when commercials promoting maxi pads were careful to use only blue liquid in their demos? Can we not leave something to the imagination? I believe I speak for everyone when I say “Get off my lawn, you darned kids!”

I have comprised a list of things that should never be demonstrated. Ever. This list is in no way comprehensive.

  • any product that trims hair from anywhere on the human body
  • pooper scoopers
  • bogie removers
  • nail clippers
  • adult diapers
  • toilet plungers
  • bikini wax systems
  • cat litter
  • Cabbage Patch dolls (Just me, then? Fine. Whatever.)

Where does the over-sharing stop? Some things are just meant to be kept private.

***this was not the exact product. Sadly, there are more than a few out there. I cannot remember the name of the one advertised, which indicates an advertising fail on a whole different level, doesn’t it?

What gives you the heebie-jeebies?


49 thoughts on “The One In Which I Realize We are Doomed as a Society

  1. That commercial made me so nauseous, I turned off the TV. Probably for good? Because even though I get free cable where I live, I never, ever watch live TV. That commercial could strike again at any moment! It’s too awful.

  2. I don’t get out much. I admit it. Are you saying that after springing for tickets to a movie at a theater you have to endure commercials before it starts? Really? The possibilities are endless where this could lead. Pay $100 per ticket or more for a Broadway show but before it starts you get some famous actor to act out the latest commercial for pasta sauce, floor cleaner or diet plan. Oh the fun!

    • That would be AWESOME! If I’m seeing The Book of Mormon, perhaps an e-reader add could be acted out for me! I love it!

      And yes. Commercials are the new thing. I don’t know how new, but it’s a thing. Big discount stores, sodas, cellular service, all those ads you see on TV you can see on the big screen. Makes you want to buy a movie ticket, doesn’t it?

  3. Toenail fungus and mucus commercials make me want to throw something. Mostly my problem is that they’ve made gross things into cartoons to make them…I don’t know. More palatable? I don’t WANT fungus or mucus to be more palatable. I don’t want them around at all, to be honest. STOP SHOWING ME ICK.

  4. The bear in the Snuggle fabric softer commercials. It’s the voice, the giggle and the squeeezable softness! Creep city all around! Strangely I always liked the Pillsbury dough boy.

    It is one thing to be forced to sit through endless movies trailers, because presumably we are at least interested in seeing movies while in a theater. But other products? A road too far and on my dollar. Which is why — Netflix!

    • Netflix and DVR are two reasons there are commercials in movies now. They’re also on DVDs. Disney is the worst because you can’t skip them. I don’t rent or buy Disney pics anymore.

      That Snuggle bear is weird, isn’t he?

      • At home you can skip, turn the volume down or do other things until you get to the beginning of the movie. No doubt they will soon insert them into the middle of the movie and tell every one they are providing intermissions.

        Okay got to ask – did you like Frozen? Or Brave? What about Big Hero 6?

  5. I so agree with you about the movies they make now. It is rare these days for me to find a new movie that I like. New movies have little in the way of a good story and often few likeable characters. Even worse sometimes are the remakes of good old movies where they replace the plot with action and special effects.
    I also totally agree with your list of products that should never be advertised on television or at the movies. I’ve seen that pedi whatsit thing, in fact it was on not an hour ago and I had to leave the room. I can’t imagine how horrible it must be on the big screen.
    Our cable channels have commercials too so there is no escape :(.

    • My mom has a DVR, and that’s the only place I watch TV, so I’ve been very, very lucky to escape from commercials for a long time. Foot dandruff on the big screen was horrible. The scars never heal.

      • I can’t stand prescription drug commercials: yes, I’m on them and no I don’t need to see the positive effects of the drug with an auctioneer’s list of side effects including death. They’re so inspiring, you know?!

      • Oh, my gosh! The ones that say “This medication may cause sleeplessness, irritability, nausea, explosive diarrhea, narcolepsy, muscle spasms, tinnitus, make your boss’s voice sound like a barking dog…” It’s always fun when the potential side effects take longer than the rest of the commercial!

    • And I’ll admit I might be VERY sensitive. The commercial also made me ask questions. Did they get it all in one take? If not, did they borrow someone else’s feet? Too much thinking! TOO MUCH!

  6. I can’t think of a single heeby-jeeby thing right now — mostly because I got hung up on that picture, filled with too much wonderment and horror to read on. Y’see, I thought you were telling us that you had seen the pumice stone literally used as…well, the kind of personal service one would expect a small, handheld, electric device to be used for.

    I’m now so relieved, no ad will ever bother me again! I might even uncross my legs again, one of these decades!

  7. There’s actually a worse one where the person uses some sort of peeler to PEEL THEIR SKIN ON TELEVISION! I literally had to cover my eyes before I dry heaved everywhere. It’s one of the main reasons why I can’t watch late night tv – there’s a lot of people with dry feet that watch tv at 2:00 a.m., apparently.

  8. During the Superbowl there was a commercial that tugged at the heart strings, till you realized at the end it was about feminine maxi pads (versus the male ones, I suppose). And it’s not so much the product – I mean, how is one supposed to advertise feminine products – it was the way the commercial was talking about empowering young women and girls…through the power of maxi pads. That commercial just really sticks in my crotch (pun intended).

  9. So I take it you won’t be seeing 50 Shades of Grey? 🙂 I went back to read your post on seeing Noah. Just saw it On Demand yesterday–what an awful movie! I’ll never get that 90 minutes back again. I’m in agreement with your other commenter who hates the Viagra commercials. Yuck!

  10. Funny, real funny lol jokes aside though this is so true. I’m just a teen but even I recognize the gravity of the situation. Even the music today is all about sex, sex, sex i mean come on! Is nothing sacred anymore?? Anywho, so great topic! More people need to be aware of what they are being exposed to.

  11. Pingback: The Premio Dardos Award | Ocean Bream

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