Ending the Debate

I don’t usually address hot-button topics on my blog. I’m a fiery and passionate individual, and I’m learning that my knee-jerk reactions make me prone to put my foot right in my mouth. When I get really fired up about something, I wait before I address it. When the smoke clears, I don’t want to discover that I have totally embarrassed myself by not thinking things through properly.  Today I don’t care anymore. I can’t keep my mouth shut any longer or hide how I really feel. I’m speaking out. I don’t care about making people mad or fights in the comment section. I can’t keep silent anymore. You want to know my stance? The correct one. Under. The issue is question is, of course, toilet paper.

This patent proves nothing. This is a DESIGN patent, not a utility patent. It shows how it's made, NOT how it is used. So take that, all you hung-over people. Welcome to the Under-world.

This patent proves nothing. This is a DESIGN patent, not a utility patent. It shows how it’s made, NOT how it is used. So take that, all you hung-over people. Welcome to the Under-world.

 

It is simple science. It’s a little-known fact that Sir Isaac Newton was one of the earliest proponents of “under,” about 150 years before TP ever had a patent. Remember high school physics? Me, neither. But I do remember his first law of motion. An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. At first, I thought he was talking about Squish. He used to run into walls a lot. But then I gleaned the deeper meaning.

Clearly Newton was talking about the proper way to hang the bog roll. Give a tug to a hungover roll of Charmin (or any brand at all. I’m not picking on you, Charmin. Please don’t sue me for insinuating you are less aerodynamically sound than your counterparts), and it goes on forever. There is no outside force to act upon said object, and therefore no way to control how much comes off the roll. A rear-hanger, however, provides its own outside force. A mere yank to the left or right (no preferences here!), and the proper amount needed to complete the paperwork tears right off.

Under is more practical for kids and pets. Cats, dogs, and kids have a habit of playing with the toilet paper.  A curious hand or paw bats the paper, and it rolls off into the floor in an ever-increasing pile, and the next thing you know, the living room looks like the morning after a Halloween frat party. A rear-orientation, however, means that a kid or critter can paw to its heart’s content without causing any damage. ***

Less ick-factor. If the toilet paper doesn’t unroll wildly, there’s less chance that the end of it will come into contact with floor-cooties. Floor-cooties are real, and they are disgusting.

It is avant garde. Over is so easy to support. It’s too easy. It looks all fancy when you fold the outside piece into a little triangle. Whatever. Under is subtle. You have to look closer to appreciate. Over is the Starbucks coffee of toilet paper orientation. Just because a lot of people use it doesn’t mean it’s right. Under is the hipster, fair-trade coffee shop. It just tastes better. Wait…

Cooler people go under. Guess who’s a hung-over girl? Tori Spelling. Because “it’s chic.” Don’t get me started. Guess who’s an under-guy? Gerhard Richter. You know. The dude who painted this? I know it looks blurry. It’s supposed to. It’s an oil-painting of toilet paper.

Kolorolle. Yes, it's art. IT'S ART.

Kolorolle. Yes, it’s art. IT’S ART. It sold at Sotheby’s for about $180,00, so that makes it art, and therefore RIGHT.

Know who else is “over?” My husband. I found that out tonight. Wow. 20 years of marriage, and you think you know someone. I’m considering asking for an annulment. He misrepresented himself.

Want the other side of the debate? Visit Rae at Peas and Cougars. She thinks she knows something on this topic. I think we all know that she does not. Visit her anyway. It’s bound to be funny.

So, join in the brouhaha. Are you an over-achiever or an under-dog?

*** Except for my old dog, Magic. She ate the paper straight from the roll in big chunks so we were cleaning ourselves with what looked like an endless roll of Swiss cheese. But she doesn’t count. She wasn’t an average dog. I’ve had houseplants that could outperform her on IQ tests.

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66 thoughts on “Ending the Debate

  1. O so wrong! MUST be over! I mean think about it… with “under” you may be touching a piece that you will not use. And someone else may touch a piece that YOU will use. I rest my case.;-)

  2. Have always been a under girl myself. It got me so mad that people visiting the house would turn the rolls around that we now have baskets for loo rolls and have done away with hangers altogether 😀 There, that’ll sort them. So, are you inferring that your hubby hung a loo roll for the first time last night?

    • Sadly, no. He didn’t actually change it. I am not sure he knows how, which is why it has taken 20 years for it to come up. Premarital counseling doesn’t always prepare you for the big blows.

  3. Gotta admit, you do make a good case for the under crowd. I’ve always appreciated the look of the over, and that’s where I stay. All about the look. BTW – a tight squeeze before you place it on that roller and my AngelSoft is not going anywhere without a proper tug. Just sayin.

  4. This is well done. I don’t know if you’ve fully convinced me, but I’m pretty sure you’ve just ensured I think about it every time I hang a new roll for the rest of my life.

    Love the Richter piece. Thanks for sharing that.

  5. Oh dear – due to a toilet roll eating cat – my stuff has to sit in the bathroom cupboard or it would be shredded – have had to do this so long can’t remember for the life of me whether I was an over or an under girl!

  6. Michigan will likely sign legislation into law for this purpose, and it will include a limitation on the number of squares to be used by private citizens, and allow businesses to deny its employees any tp at all, and call it Right to Wipe, which is the same principle as Right to Work, only slightly less controversial. So basically liberals will walk around with wads of tp stuffed in hidden places on their person, and sell it on the street elicitly. Over or under will be the least of our worries.

  7. OVER!!! All the way over! If I see a roll set up any other way, my eye begins twitching and I immediately have to correct it. Also, I’m assuming that the Kolorolle was painted because the artist found the “under” method to look so interesting in it’s wrongness…

  8. I was solidly in the over camp, but considering the state of my bathroom recently after a visit by my 3-year old, you may have just won yourself a convert. Of course, I may go twitchy looking at it like that, but I may be willing to pay that price.

  9. Your argumentation is flawed – if the reason for under is so that you can tug a piece off because it is touching the wall, the art depicted clearly shows a gap between the toilet roll and the wall, based on the shadow. I remain unconvinced and still prefer over. My toilet paper does not touch the wall, it is on a floor standing hanger and I have a cat who is not interested in it, even though it lives next to her litter tray. Over means the bit I need is closer to me and I do not need to scrabble around hunting for a hidden end.

      • It’s not because of that, I just don’t have a wall next to my toilet. Bath one side, sink the other. My walls are clean enough 🙂

      • It was necessity not fancy, with all the walls too far away! It’s a bit less stable than I’d prefer – there is a bit at the base to store spare toilet rolls, but it lives next to the cat litter and I found they got scratched when she tried to dig (why is it that my cat tries to dig anywhere but in the actual litter? She scrapes at the bath panel, the lino, anything I mistakenly leave in reach. She’s generally pretty smart, but not in this! I guess I’m lucky she has never worked out that if she pulled the hanging bit of toilet paper that would work rather well!!)

  10. I saw this hot topic addressed on Facebook today, too. What the…?

    I am willing to go along with your passionate conviction because this is perhaps the only topic in existence about which I do NOT have an opinion. So you win.

  11. After a great deal of thought, by which I mean a paragraph into reading, I decided to “like” this, even though I lean toward over, but I’ll go either way. I just want everyone to be happy. Also, love the turtle wallpaper.

  12. Definitely ‘over’. Otherwise you have to scrabble underneath for the end, coming in touch with all manner of wall cooties (more dangerous than floor cooties). If I had kids you might have a convert though…

  13. GREAT blog post. Such a hot topic! Even hotter than whether you squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle or from the end.
    I grew up an “over” and never knew there was another way. My husband is an “under” and after decades of marriage I have succumbed to his superior knowledge.
    I don’t think I had better ask if you “scrunch” or “fold”!
    All the best 🙂

  14. This was hilarious. I’m over and I swear I’m that person that no matter where I am at if I can change it I will. Its one of the only OCD things I have (that and loading a dishwasher–which could cause a whole other debate). My husband will purposely turn them around to annoy me. He can’t take the empty roll off and replace it b/c its too much effort but he can change it around to get a rise out of me. Once when he was stationed somewhere else before we could join him he sent me a picture text of the under roll with the words, “…ha ha ha. Does it annoy you that you can’t fix it?”

  15. Sorry, I’m a dyed in the wool “over” proponent. I cannot be swayed for the following reason—when using the loo in the middle of the night, I do not turn on the light. Wouldn’t want to wake myself anymore than necessary. “Over” allows me to simply roll the roll and have it be right where I expect it to. “Under” has me searching in the dark for whether its unrolled or not.
    I will agree on one point, and one point only—our house was an “under” house when my children were toddlers. You are correct in your assertion that the paper becomes a fabulous plaything to little hands. Once they were old enough to know better, the paper went back where it belonged. Over. 🙂
    Thank you for the lively debate. It’s important that we talk about things, no matter how uncomfortable they make us. 😉

  16. Of COURSE, under! I don’t even understand the confusion. I have been known to change the paper it homes where it has been hung incorrectly. You’re WELCOME. teeheehee

  17. However beautiful your (sometimes far-fatched) arguments are, I am going to go with ‘over’. I have those fancy rolls with motifs on them and I’d like to see them as I always pay good money for them. Keep on blogging in a free world – The False Prophet

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