Lost In Translation: College Edition

It’s done. Last week my husband and I packed the car, loaded up the Girl-child, and transported her to her new life at college.  Such stress does funny things to your hearing.

On the road:

What I said: “Why don’t I drive?”

What I probably meant: “Take some time to relax. I’ll get us through the worst of the traffic.”

What he heard: “You’re going to kill us all, you crazy rage-monster!”


At Target buying last-minute things:

What I said: “I think we should get her the blue pillow.

What I probably meant: “The teal will brighten the place up. “

What he heard: “The dog has better taste than you, and she’s color blind.


Touring campus:

What I said: “Do you want some coffee?”

What I probably meant: “I could use a pick-me-up. Does anyone else want one?”

What he heard: “You are a giant, Debbie-downer turd. Please drink some caffeine so you can stop being a turd. Stat.”


On the way home:

What I said: “The speed limit is 70 now!”

What I probably meant: “Yay! We’re finally out of the construction zone!”

What he heard: “You drive like my grandma.”


On the road:

What I said: “Put a Clif bar in your cakehole.”

What I probably meant: “Put a Clif bar in your cakehole. NOW! You’re driving me nuts!”

What he heard: Yeah, okay. He had to get one right.


At home:

What I said: “She’ll be okay. She’s ready for this.”

What he heard: “I never loved her like you do. I should have raised show rats.”

What I probably meant: “I miss her, too.”

Me and my girl.

Me and my Girl-child


Sweet Girl-child, don’t you even worry. You’re going to do great! And we’ll be okay, too.

31 thoughts on “Lost In Translation: College Edition

  1. I hear from my husband, “why doesn’t she return my phone calls, but she calls you?” I say…because she needs something,” He hears, “she doesn’t love you as much.” I say “she wants to know where I put the rosemary.” I did talk to her about calling her dad just to talk.

  2. What a beautiful girl child you have, Heather… and such a big, big event! I am taking my Little Man, last one to go, in about 10 days. sniffle sniffle. How far away is your girl? Mine will be a 2.5 hour flight, or 24 hour drive. Feels too far, right now, but this day was bound to come. On the heals of flying home from Israel and leaving my daughter and first grandbaby, it feels much harder!

    I had to share this with you–– it’s so like your post! 😉 I suppose Thanksgiving is right around the corner. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snzDwACffzs (( hugs ))

  3. Still a lotta years off for us, thankfully! And when it does happen I’ll probably be torn between wanting them to study locally and go further, like on exchange like I did, because it was such a fantastic experience that I want them to have too. Like I said, I have a long time to prepare myself…

  4. I hope your daughter will be very happy at college. Is she fairly close? Anywhere within about a thousand miles and she may come back at weekends to get her washing done.

  5. Ah!! Don’t even try to tell me that you had not one tear!! When our last (or 3) left for college, which was in town where her dad works, I realized when she was leaving to go to her dorm, that (such as it was) this was actually my “empty nest experience”, until I got a phone call a few hours later. She wanted to bring a few friends home to spend the night in the air conditioning…..Enjoy!!

  6. “Such stress does funny things to your hearing.” INDEED!

    Though — and be honest! — with all this extra time on your hands now, raising show rats DOES have a certain tempting ring to it, no?

  7. Funny how Target gets all our college-prep-gear money. I said bye-bye to my big-boy starting college and to two Ben Franklins. Hey Target, how-ja-do-dat?

  8. You are entering a whole, new era in marital communication – the After the Kid Is Gone Phase. You’re smart to recognize there may be problems with translation.

    p.s. When I say “why don’t I drive?” I HOPE he hears “I love you and want to spare you this burden,” because I do mean that. But I also mean “You drive like my grandma.” and, unfortunately, his translator works all too well.

  9. My husband cooked dinner the other night (!) and made stir fry. He put potatoes in the stir fry and I said “You’re putting potatoes in stir fry? I’ve never had stir fry with potatoes.” He heard “That’s disgusting.”

  10. Just catching up on your blog, Heather. Can’t believe you recently went through the rite of passage that is a journey that most parents tend to get “lost in translation” traversing. Your baby is beautiful and I bet she’ll do fine. Now, how her parents will survive without her, well . . . 🙂

  11. Awww…I got chills reading this. I’ve a friend whose daughter just went to university clear across the country. As expected, the daughter’s adjusting much better than the parent.

  12. So I guess you’ve finished your first year with her away. Us too. Our triplets left in August and we have two of the three here for the summer. Oh how lovely. Noise again.
    Besides the pets I mean.

    • Triplets out of the house all at once! Your life must have been drastically different! I agree. It’s so good to have the college students home for the summer. August will come too quickly.

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