Lost In Translation: Parenting Edition

Though I know it is hard to believe, the occasional miscommunication happens in my house.


What I say: Clean your room.

What they hear: Play with your Nerf blasters.

What I say:  Dinner is ready.

What they hear: I’m serving you PopTarts. If it’s not PopTarts, demand them. Loudly.

What I say: Until you room is clean, you may not play with the cat.

What they hear: Touch the cat. Touch all five cats. Touch the neighbor’s cats. TOUCH ALL THE CATS! Right now!

What I say: This room isn’t clean.

What they hear: Your socks and dirty underwear are invisible to the naked eye.

parenting fail

What I say: It’s time to make your lunch.

What they hear: Play with your Nerf blasters.

What I say: Quit playing with your Nerf blasters. You have things to do.

What they hear: Play more. Never stop playing! It is your JOB to play! FOREVER!

What I say: Done cleaning? I’m coming in to check and make sure.

What they hear: I have the vision of an earthworm. I will never notice that you have not done the first thing.

What I say: Let’s get your homework out of the way. It won’t take long.

What they hear: It will take you the rest of your life.

What I say: If you just focus on the work, you will have it done in 10 minutes.

What they hear: Please flop in the floor like a speared fish. It makes both of us feel good about ourselves.


What I say: I made your favorite meal for you, now eat it.

What they hear: I dropped it on the floor, and then I spit on it.

What I say: But you LIKE this food.

What they hear: Just kidding. You hate it.

What I say: That’s a small wound. You’re fine.

What they hear: You’re probably going to die. Run around in a circle screaming. It helps everyone involved.

What I say: Go wash your hands for dinner.

What they hear: Walk to the bathroom, count to four, then turn around and come back.

What I say: Please get dressed for school.

What they hear: Make sure you wear your Darth Vader cape. Without it, you might as well be naked.

What I say: When I was a kid…

What they hear: Blah, blah, blah, hard times, blah, blah, blah.



26 thoughts on “Lost In Translation: Parenting Edition

    • It’s one of the things I love about my son, but I keep telling him “Time and place, man. That’s your weekend wear.”He has a dress code he has to follow, and I haven’t found him a school that allows capes. Yet.

  1. In all fairness, it’s probably not you but the cats they hear saying “TOUCH ALL THE CATS! Right now!” Just that Ravenclaw’s telepathy is more advanced than your oratory.

    This could explain the speared-fish floor-flopping too, come to think of it.

    • I think you’re right. Pixel actually does seem to try to get the boys in trouble. She makes her appearance when they are trying to get dressed. She will also scream like she is being gutted, so I yell “PUT THE CAT DOWN!” Girl-child laughed until she cried one day because she had to say “Mom, no one is TOUCHING her.”

  2. Not having children, I can only sympathize, however, I do think the cats might be taking the dirty socks and underwear out of the hamper to lay on. They’re weird like that.

  3. I have to concur with Kim. I have no children, only cats. My husband probably wonders why I’m always nagging him about every stupid little thing (when he knows for a FACT it was either Smokey or Cocoa who left his dresser drawer or the butter dish “door” in the fridge open, or took the remotes back out of the little remote tray on the coffee table, or or or {I could go on, but I’ll spare you}). At least he doesn’t flop around on the floor like a fish. 😉

  4. hahahaha i can totally relate to this. I keep telling my little one to not pull her nails but she will keep staring at my face and would continue doing what she is doing……its so annoying yet amusing. Thanks for sharing

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