It has been a while, friends. Two months. I know this because two days after my last post, my department suffered an unspeakable tragedy. Two months. And I still can’t speak of it. Not yet. Looking at the image on Time’s website, I can barely breathe. The snake I am holding in the photo died the next day despite our best efforts. Such a stupid phrase, really. Despite our best efforts. As if we would give an animal in our care less than our best. The snake I was training on in my last post is gone. And it’s hard.
Moving on for the moment. Because I have to. The last couple of months has been a series of tests and more tests and inspections and questions and answers we don’t even have, and if I focus on it too hard, I’ll never be able to get out of bed. So I am looking for the good. Because it’s always there if I look. When I get to feeling sorry for myself, it’s easy to get sucked into the vortex of despair. So I am choosing good today.
Here’s what’s good in my life, what brings me joy. The little things that make every day worthwhile. Click to enlarge and to read the captions.
Tiny rescued opposum. I kept him warm by tucking him into my bra while I drove him to the rehabilitator. She had dozens of them already.
Tiny toad. I am raising these at home, and it has been a great success. The key is preparing for their metamorphosis a month or more ahead of time. The toadlet enclosure has to be seeded with tiny invertebrates so these little guys have something to eat. When they metamorphed, they were the size of a pencil eraser.
Meatball the Radiated Tortoise. I am so in love with him!
Royal Panaque. When we put this guy on exhibit, we didn’t see him for a year. An entire year. Then one day, he decided to make himself known.
My male Ornate Uromastyx is so beautiful, and he’s so funny!
Butterfly bush. I made this happen. Shade AND food for small tortoises.
Honeysuckle is terribly invasive, but is smells incredible. INCREDIBLE. It’s a gift I’ve been given.
Someone bought a lemon bundt cake for me because I did something kind for them. I didn’t expect anything in return, and this cake was such a sweet surprise.
Giant Tortoise juveniles are sometimes willing to walk out of their exhibit to go inside when it’s cold. I’m also grateful to my friend who took the time to help me move them.
My best selfie. I love Big Al the Aldabran Tortoise. Right after this shot, I was sitting and keeping him company. He came and put his head on my shoulder. I needed that.
My ideas sometimes pay off. I got this giant stump so I could stuff browse in it. I wanted my animals to use different muscle groups to get their food. They are willing participants. And Princess G. G. uses the stump sometimes to scratch her bum.
I am target training my darling tortoises. And Al is ready for it to be his turn. I looked down, and his head was right between my knees.
A precious kindergarten class made me this book as a gift for giving them a meet-and-greet with Big Al. I am so touched. The kids wrote facts and drew pictures inside. How did I ever get this lucky?
My Gila Monster. I love these lizards, and I finally have progressed in my venomous training enough to work with them.
Tiny Radiated Tortoises enjoy a meal. Meatball is the smallest of the group. Not for long, though. That kid can EAT!
There are other things, too, things that are not possible to capture in a photograph. The zoo guests who stop us in our work and tell us how sorry they are for our loss, the people who come each week as volunteers to help meet Al’s need for attention. My daughter, upon learning her cousin didn’t have an officiant for her upcoming wedding, takes it upon herself to become ordained online. She is now a card-carrying, ordained minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. That’s right. The Girl-child is now a Pastafarian. Our kids inherit our eyes, our hair, and our genetic garbage. It brings me great joy that mine has also inherited my off-beat sense of humor. And she’s available to perform weddings if you’re looking to get hitched. Who wouldn’t want to go to a wedding where the keepsake is a package of Ramen noodles?
What brings you joy today?
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Becoming Cliche 
One of the worst days of my life was when my local pet store burned to the ground. I had decided to buy a box turtle and went home to make a list of the things he would need and then get them, and him, the next day. But the fire happened that night. This isn’t on the same level as your loss of endangered species but I get how much it hurts.
Yes, it is very similar. Loss is so incredibly painful.
So very sorry to hear about your loss and the world’s loss. Now’s the time to pick yourself up and carry on doing what you do — they need you. Your examples of what makes you happy are all lovely!
Thank you. Yes, it’s time to move forward. We won’t ever know the exact toxin that caused it all, but we have taken that building off-line for good. It’s just not worth taking a chance.
Oh, and I’d use the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster any day if I hadn’t already tied the ramen. Wonderful girl!
She’s available for vow-renewal, too, of course. ;D
I am so saddened by your news. I can feel your grief. I hope that by sharing, you have lightened your load some. Thank you for doing that.
And thanks for the giggles, too – Pastafarian. *snort*
Thank you. It was a hard loss. It has felt like a secret I’ve had to keep. One day soon I’ll blog the incident.
And my kid really does make me proud. She is an oddball, and I LOVE it!
We were watching a movie this weekend and there was a pleco attached to the glass. I said, that’s a plecostomus and Bill looked at me, so I said, the fish on the tank…a plecostomus…an algae eater…he said oh and went back to the movie..ha I’m sorry for your zoo’s loss. How horrible. Why is meatball’s head a different color than his siblings? He is a cutie tho. Big Al..I never would have thought a reptile would be so lovey with a human. He loves you and that’s very very cool.
Plecostamus are amazing. This guy specializes in eating dead wood. He eats some algae, but driftwood makes up a lot of his diet.
Meatball’s head is a different color just due to chance. The mom’s head has more black, the dad’s is more yellow. There’s a natural variation.
I’m so very sorry about the loss of your reptiles. I know how upset we get when we have an outbreak of something at the shelter; at least, we usually know the cause. I can’t even imagine what you guys are going through as you search for a cause. I’m just so, so sorry.
On a brighter note, congratulations to your Girl-child. May all her brides, grooms, et al., be touched by the FSM’s Noodly Appendage. 😉
P.S. I already had a thing for Mr. Meatball, but now I’ve fallen head-over-heels for Al. Sigh… 🙂
i know exactly what you mean. Meatball has the cute factor, but all is made of charm!
Thank you. It was a terrible loss. We are moving forward, though, slowly but surely.
Oh my dear friend. I am so grieved to hear of your loss. ❤
What brings me joy today? Seeing your smiling face all cuddled up close to Big Al's!
It’s my favorite selfie ever. Though does it count as a selfie if someone else is in it?
Darn tootin’ it does!
For you, at least. Big Al must reconcile himself to merely appearing in portraits and other people’s selfies, I’m afraid. 😦
He tolerates having his picture taken. A few weeks ago, he came up to where I was sitting and laid his head on my shoulder. I love that boy!
❤
I have that print of his…feet? shell? that you sent me, sitting right next to me at my desk. Love love love hearing how you two take care of each other.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how hard this must have been for you. *Hugs*
Thank you so much. It was devastating. But we’re turning the corner I think.
I’m so sorry for the loss of such precious creatures, and the stress you are having to endure. My situation is much less serious–we, grandparents with a 10-year-old granddaughter living with us, are moving about two hours away from where we’ve lived for the past 18 years, partly to have more space for raising a child. At 72, I find this quite a challenge, but I’m up for it, in good health, and excited about our new home and new adventure. But the job of getting from here to there is daunting, to say the least! My granddaughter’s other grandma told me the other day that she’s seen enormous growth and improvement in C., and she gives me all the credit. That helps a lot. It’s a gift to be able to do it, and I pray I remain strong and healthy enough to see her well launched.
Moving is stressful under the best of circumstances. May the force be with you!
I’ve missed you here, and not seen you much on Twitter, either. Had no idea y’all had lost a snake. So Sorry.
Glad you’re back; I’m gonna look more carefully through the pics now for Meatball and Big Al.
And congrats on your ordained Pastafarian! 🙂
We lost 34 animals, all told. It has been rough.
Meatball is a star. He’s so funny!
You, your post, your healing, your perseverance… they bring me joy today. You know, I am in a dark trench too. Different reasons, but when it’s dark, sometimes it’s hard to find the light switch. Yes, look for joy. Do it however and wherever you can. This has been such a huge and tragic loss; it will take more than time, my friend. Hold on and look for ramen. xo
Hang in there. We’ll find that light switch together.
❤ Working on it… but bumping into things a lot! 😉
Good on you for looking for the joy when you’re obviously going through a really difficult time. Your photos and comments of your “joy” were beautiful.
Thank you for your kind words!