I May Not Survive 2018.

It’s the second day of the New Year,  and I am pretty sure the universe is trying to kill me. I made myself some goals, and goals are a good thing. One of my unwritten resolutions is to be a more positive person in 2018. I am quite determined. And I am pretty sure I heard the universe say “Hold my beer and watch this!”

I went in to work yesterday. I know. New Year’s Day and all, but I work in a zoo. Al’s gotta eat. And it’s not like I party all night. Nah, I was in bed by 9, asleep by 10. If I want to see the ball drop, I can catch it on Youtube. How can I not go in and see this face?

    My favorite picture I have ever taken of my boy.

I say I went in to work. More correctly, I TRIED to go in to work. On the way there:

  • my car started to overheat
  • I realized a coolant hose was leaning, so I pulled over to the shoulder of the interstate.
  • I did more swearing that I meant to as I watched cars swerve over the line and nearly hit me, even though traffic was to merge into THE OTHER LANE.
  • I figured out I had coolant in the car, so I added some, but…
  • the battery had died due to the severe cold (11F plus windchill)
  • I was wearing shorts.

It took about a half hour before husband could come and retrieve my frozen behind and haul me the rest of the way in It took an hour for my feet to feel like feet again. My day went fine at work. I got some things done, so yay. But I was positive! Go, me! Instead of thinking that 2018 sucks already, quitting my job, and ordering more cats off the internet, I thought “Maybe 2018 is my year of solving problems, of growing stronger and more confident in my abilities.

Then I came home.  And I broke my toe. I didn’t get it x-rayed because there’s nothing to be done with tiny pinky toes except to tape them to their next-door neighbor, but it is purple and blue, and if you touch it, I might accidentally punch you. But it’s just a toe, right? A little tape and bottle of Ibuprofen, and all better. Little toe, littler problem.

I wish I had a good story, like I was fighting ninjas, or practicing mixed martial arts, or I kicked a wall in a rage. But no. I dropped a remote control on it. Our first real TV in, like, 9 years. See? I have been saying all along that television is harmful. Believe it.  TV will break your bones. So anyhow. Toe is taped.  It’s something to laugh about.

And then we come to this morning.

  • Outside spigot A was frozen because someone didn’t leave it running. I won’t say who that was for the sake of marital harmony, but it wasn’t me.
  • Outside spigot B was also frozen. Spousal unit unfroze.
  • Spousal unit let car warm up so he could take me to work.
  • Car ran out of gas. Cars without gas do not take you to work. They sit there and wait to be kicked with my good foot.
  • Spigot A refroze, and the only thing I had with which to unfreeze it was. my. coffee.
  • In the unfreezing process, spigot A sprayed me up and down.
  • My pants froze to my legs

For my safety, I gave up, came inside, put on my pajama pants. I am hiding now. 2018 is coming for me. Don’t tell it where I am.

I can’t bear to look!



*My family motto is “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

37 thoughts on “I May Not Survive 2018.

  1. I hope 2018 will be more gentle with you, cause that sounds like a really rough start to a year! Our CT windchill killed my battery over the weekend, too 😦

    What do you for work at the zoo?

  2. When I saw the picture of Al, my heart froze thinking the worst. Then I read your post and started to breathe again. Whew! I have fallen in love with Al through your blog — “I want to hug him and pet him and call him George!” 😉 Also, how’s Meatball? Any time you want to show off pictures of those two, I’m game! 😀

    You and Jenny and your water problems. Water has usually my issue (frozen/burst pipe on Christmas day, anyone?), so I’m just waiting for something to flood here. No more freezing pipes, but old house.

    I’m sorry about your toe. You’re right, TV is hazardous to your health! My husband broke his little toe on a vacation. In Hawaii. While walking into the hotel. It was our first big vacation in 5 years (I managed to stab myself in the leg on the previous one). We decided to stop taking vacations after that.

    Hang in there! You are stronger than 2018! 🙂

  3. Thank you for what an outside reader finds hilarious, but which isn’t to you. I know I shouldn’t laugh at the misfortune of others, but your post was so well-written and funny. Besides – I have faced many of the things you have; just not in the past few days. Take care, and I hope things get better for you. Say hello to Al for me.

    • You are invited to laugh. The bad luck of the last 48 hours is so over-the-top that it makes me laugh, too. But I’m not going to ask “what next?” because I am afraid the universe will show me!

  4. Well, I found your “problem” right here, missy: “Maybe 2018 is my year of solving problems, of growing stronger and more confident in my abilities.” Be careful what you wish for, they say. You want personal growth? You got it! Get ready for an awesome amazing growth spurt! Or have you forgotten that growth = “growing pains”? That broken toe is DEFINITELY because you had to ninja-kick-start that spigot or two, right?

    Happy 2018. May you grow a lot (but not too much), and continue finding silver linings (or at least silver lining ways of looking at stuff)!

    I had yesterday off; a work-related nightmare this morning; an emergency staff meeting at 7:30 to get us all on the same page of productivity and business growth; a FANTASTIC day at work that has become an even better day at home! Woo Hoo! I’m kinda looking forward to the next few days/weeks/months but have ZERO expectations or “wishes”. I’ll bear witness to YOU, tyvm!

  5. This New Year seems to be a hunting. The Bloggess has a similar tale; I am recovering slooowly, so said Universe is laying in wait, for me to be stronger and maybe more hopeful… and I have a few friends who have all found 2018 to be a wee bit rough so far. Eek… is it possible? Another badass year? No. I refuse to think so. Write and publish your list, it’s the only way to combat this!

  6. It has to get better, right? Last year, no, 2016, I broke my toe *kicking* against my granddaughter when we were roughhousing in the pool. Didn’t get it x-rayed until after we took the grandkids to the Ozarks, where I hiked in the mountains. After the x-ray the doc put me in a rigid shoe, which did help after all that hiking. You might consider trying that. It’s like a wooden clog with straps. Very inexpensive.

A penny for your thoughts! And by penny, I mean a warm-fuzzy in your heart.

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