Today’s Daily Post prompt is “Agile.” Aaaand, I was stuck. Agile? I have the grace of a drunk badger. I can climb like a monkey at work, and I have to in order to reach some of my exhibits, but I have taken some hard spills. And with the exception of a pinkie toe a few weeks ago*** I haven’t broken any bones. And that which does not kill me is proof that I don’t have osteoporosis. So yes, I’m a tough nut to crack, but I’m not agile.
Helpers. The Caiman Lizard climbs to the top of his exhibit and sits on the edge to supervise my work. I call him Visa because he is everywhere I want to be. His perch here is 8ft off the ground.
My best friends at work? I write about them a lot, but they’re not so agile, either.
Eastern Box Turtle hatchling. He says “I carry my house around on my back. I don’t need to be agile, too.”
My best friends have shells, so I don’t hold their lack of agility against them. My snakes are agile. And I do love snakes. But this isn’t a post about snakes.
Piebald Ball Python – a pet snake in my house. So cute. He’ll be agile one day.
The only thing about me that can slide up and down with the fluidity of a first chair trombone is my frickin’ mood. This morning, my brain is in overdrive. I got up, and all was well. And then…
It snowed! YAY!!!
Wait. I can’t get to work without a ride. I’m snowed in. ARRRGH!
But a snow day at home with the kids? Snowball fights and long walks with the dogs? Awww!
But my Dart Frogs need spraying or their eggs will dry out. THEY WILL DIIIIIIEEEE!
Boss man said he can mist the eggs. Whew!
The Padawan has been sneaking food downstairs, and now I have to ground him for the day, and it’s a snow day so I will have to deal with his crappy mood ALL DAY, and when will he ever learn, but he also just finished the essay that isn’t due until next week, and it’s 2 pages longer than the minimum, and I am a terrible mother for punishing a good student, but then if I don’t, he will never learn, and I am a TERRIBLE MOTHER! And also a terrible writer. That was one hell of a run-on sentence.
And then the husband brought me coffee. And I might weep with gratitude.
But then the Little Kid Formerly Known as Squish has decided that I can be convinced to let him buy more Nerf blasters and darts. We have an arsenal of these stupid things. No! TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, OR I AM GOING TO THROW EVERY NERF BLASTER WE OWN INTO THE SINKHOLE BEHIND THE HOUSE!
But there’s caramel hot chocolate.
AND MORE NERF BLASTERS! AND THE KID WON’T LET GO OF THE CAT! AND MY ANXIETY IS CHEWING ON THE INSIDE OF MY SKULL!
Bellatrix has the right idea on a snow day!
AND THE KID IS BEGGING ME TO RENT A BOB SLED!
But now he’s found a cardboard box to sled in. Isn’t he creative? I love that kid and his enthusiasm for life!
BUT WHAT IF HE GETS KILLED?! OR MAIMED? AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT?!!! I am a terrible mother.
But he’s going outside to play by himself. Isn’t it great that he can entertain himself outside when so many kids these days just sit in front of the television and play video games?
THE KID JUST EMPTIED ALL MY CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS INTO THE FLOOR, SO HE COULD TAKE THE BOX TO SLED IN, AND NOW I MIGHT DIE OF A RAGE-INDUCED ANEURYSM!
But look at me! I can SPELL aneurysm without spell-check! Look at me! I’m an unstable genius!
BUT NOW THE KID IS TALKING ABOUT HOW HE MIGHT DIE OUTSIDE, AND HE JUST MIGHT, AND I SUCK AT MOTHERING!
I can write. Writing soothes me. I enjoy it, and it sets me to rights. I could do a Daily Post prompt…
The Daily Post prompt is “Agile.” Well, crap. My head hurts.
*** Pinkie toe injury – I broke my toe by dropping a remote control on it. Because I am smooth like that.