Anything Can Be Educational

Take our recent trip to Dollywood. Shut up. We had free tickets. Despite the blaring and terrible country music, we had a great time, and we even learned a thing or two.

What I learned: visit a theme park on an overcast Wednesday where there’s a 60% chance of rain. You’ll walk right on even the biggest attractions.

What husband learned: it is more fun to take wife places that aren’t crowded because it’s easier for her to hide the crazy. Win!

What girl-child learned: sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Dollywood wasn’t her idea.

What Padawan learned: Dollywood is the greatest place on earth to spend a 10th birthday.

What Squish learned: the ride does not stop just because you want it to.

It started with a little ride called “Piggy Parade.” And I do mean little. The only requirement was that riders have upper body control. I swear, that’s what the sign says. And it looked like fun, even to Squish. But then the operator started the ride rather roughly, with a bone-rattling jerk. And that was all Squish needed to question the wisdom of his decision.

This attraction is not providing the riding pleasure I had hoped.

Which led to this:

I would prefer to depart now. Could you please stop?

And finally this:

You will be hearing from my attorney

***I am not a totally horrible parent. He’s not actually crying. This is drama-face.  If he had really been crying, I would not have posted the pictures. I would have deleted them and pretended the whole thing never happened. He has some weird little fears, but he’ll grow out of them. I doubt he’ll ever strap himself into a giant pig again, though.