A Day Late and a Dollar Short Movie Reviews: The Avengers

I am well aware that every other human being on the planet has already seen this movie. Twice. Thanks for pointing it out. I’m a little behind, but does that statement surprise anyone? Yeah, probably not.

Husband and I celebrated our anniversary with a big pizza, a long walk, and a movie. I let him pick. Sort of. I did not want to spend my one movie date a year watching Prometheus (Sue me. It looks too much like Avatar, and I didn’t like that one, either. Or Smurfs. I guess I have a thing about blue movies.), so I narrowed it down to three. The other options were Snow White and one I have since forgotten and therefore must not have wanted to watch in the first place. Husband chose The Avengers.

Let the record show that I’ve never been one for super heroes. Not since the rabies scare when Wonder Woman let me down, and I landed in the emergency room. There’s a blog in there somewhere, but the pain is just too real right now. Wonder Woman’s complete absence from The Avengers along with a recommendation from my daughter, who also eschews hero movies, was enough to get me in line to buy a ticket. It was a good choice.

There’s enough action to make it exciting, but not so much blood that I was totally grossed out. I have low tolerance for graphic violence. I don’t like to pay $10 to sit with my eyes covered through half the film. The special effects were great without being over-the-top. I have little patience with “Hey, look what we can do!” CGI. Transformers, I’m talking to you, here.My dog could have kicked Big Bad Guy’s (see how little of an impression the movie made on me? I can’t remember the villain-bot’s name!) tail in the time that it took for him to completely transform. *yawn* 

Anyway, back to our show. The dialog in The Avengers is pretty funny without being totally cheesy, and best of all, I didn’t have to see any of the tie-in movies in order to understand what was going on. Score! I’m a fan now, though, and I’m catching up as fast as the library can get me the others. I’ve got Hulk in my hot little hands, but at the moment he’s competing with the Olympics for my attention. (I now invite you to imagine Hulk competing in the Olympics. Wasn’t that fun?) And then I have to get on the waiting list for Iron Man 2. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

I loved the movie. But I still have some questions.

Why does anyone think that a coffee shop with glass walls is a good place to hide from alien invaders who are clearly hell-bent for tesseract, as though they  become suddenly invisible with a cup of Pike’s Place in their hands. Maybe they do. I don’t know. I gave up coffee, and I’m as bitter about it as day old grinds.

Why do alien invaders always head for New York City? Is it the whole Ellis Island thing? Granted there’s a huge concentration of human-kind for those whose ultimate goal is world domination, but there’s no place to land, New Mexico is prettier, and face it, it’s not that much of a coup. Those people are hiding in coffee shops, so they weren’t that hard to out-think in the first place.

Why were there only three fat people in the whole movie? We’re a bigger chunk (yeah, I get it) of the population than that, and the movie is in New York City. There are bakeries on every corner, and yet most of the people in the movie including the extras have clearly never eaten at one. Mmm-hmmm.

Whatever. Those are minor things, and I can get over them. I’ll be anxiously awaiting the sequel next summer. Will you?

 

I don’t understand him, but I heart him.