I took Squish to see “The Secret Life of Pets” because I apparently I didn’t learn anything from the whole “Finding Dory” fiasco.
Things I would rather do than re-watch “The Secret Life of Pets”
- Scratch my poison ivy (actually, this one is kind of cheating because scratching poison ivy is awesome. At least for the first week).
- Take a bubble bath with a cat.
- Read Game of Thrones.
- Pick my nose.
- Pick a stranger’s nose.
- Play Roulette blindfolded with five cups of lemonade and a cup of cat pee.
- Watch full coverage of the Republican National Convention without a bathroom break. While drinking cat pee.
- Redecorate my house in Early Hairball.
- Write an entire blog post with Alpha-Bits cereal.
- Watch colonoscopy videos in 4-D.
- Live out the recurring nightmare of walking down the hallway of my high school naked.
- Misuse punctuation.
- Listen to “Achy Breaky Heart” scratched out by fingernails on a chalkboard.
- Kiss a monkey.
- Give up eating fresh cherries for the rest of my life.
- Give up eating MoonPies for the rest of my life. Yeah, it was that bad.
What is the worst movie you have seen this year?