Priorities: Or Why You Don’t Want Me On Pinterest

I haven’t owned a hair dryer in over a year. Okay, more like three. I’m a wash and wear kind of gal. Nothing fancy here. I know that comes as a shock to everyone. I just can’t see putting a lot of effort into *this* ‘do when there’s so little hope of a good outcome.

Every winter, I begin to question whether or not I should make the purchase. On days when my hair freezes to icicles walking my son to school, it seems like a good idea. But then it thaws out again, and I forget. Or I decide that rather than buiying an item I’ll use three months out of a year, I’ll just quit washing my hair altogether. My bathroom cabinet space is a valuable commodity, after all.  So drip dry it is. Or was.

That’s right. I now own a hair dryer. I bought it about three weeks ago. Have I used it? Yes. For the purpose for which it was intended? Um, no.

I went out shopping all wired up and fired up to find a dryer. Because it had a purpose! I needed one. The selection was daunting. It has been so long since I’ve bought one that I wasn’t sure which extra features were the most important. Or why. Good grief. A dryer is designed to blow air. Hot, cold, fast, slow. What else do you need? If I’m going to pay $50 for a hair dryer, it had better dry my hair, fold my laundry, and file my taxes. I bought the $10 model. And it works just fine.

Oh, wait. Maybe I forgot to mention why I needed it. For snake sheds, of course.

Reptile skin doesn’t grow, so the animal gets rid of the old skin as they get larger. Some snake folks I know find sheds that would normally be discarded and give them to me. I laminate them and use them when I give talks about my snakes.

Recently I acquired the discarded shed of an enormous eastern diamondback rattlesnake. It was heavy with sand from the animal’s bedding and couldn’t be laminated in that state, but it was too fragile to simply shake the dirt loose. The solution? A hair dryer. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve spent the last three years drip-drying every morning, but my snake shed sent me straight to Target. I have my priorities in order. It was a spectacular shed, after all.

And this is why I am not on Pinterest. If I were, this is the kind of craft project you could expect from me:

 

How to create a beautiful memory creepy craft

Be sure to clean off those belly scutes! They're heavily keeled, so you'll have to pay close attention to get the dirt out.

Be sure to clean off those belly scutes! They’re heavily keeled, so you’ll have to pay close attention to get the dirt out.

 

What a great way to repurpose all that packing material from buying craft supplies on Ebay!

Be sure to put newspaper underneath to protect your floor. What a great way to repurpose all that packing material from buying craft supplies on Ebay!

There's loose dirt on the inside, too, because the snake took its close off inside out. For the best laminated shed, be sure to get that dirt off, too.

There’s loose dirt on the inside, too, because the snake took its clothes off inside out. For the best laminated shed, be sure to clean that, too.

 

Next, simply run it through your heavy-duty laminator, preferably using a carrier sleeve. Don’t have a laminating machine of your own? Loser No worries! Run down to Staples or Office Depot and use theirs. I’ll wait.

Tip: print a small photo of the snake and laminate it with the shed, along with the snake’s scientific name.

The final result:

Note the eye caps on the right. It's difficult to find a shed with the head intact. We'll add this one to our gold medal shed collection.

Note the eye caps on the right. It’s difficult to find a shed with the head intact. We’ll add this one to our gold medal shed collection.

Well done! Now you’re ready to add it to your collection.

Your collection is growing! Way to go!

Your collection is growing! Way to go!

 

Stay tuned for the next installment of Creepy Crafts With Heather when we learn how to shellac an elephant turd!