Getting Our Groove Back

Yes. It's an oscar. Maybe not the kind you're thinking of, but I couldn't find a license-free image of the statuette. I'm learning to work with what I have.


I love movies. There was a time in my life when I not only had heard of every Academy Award nominee for Best Picture, I had actually seen most of them. The kids are getting older now, and I’m determined to get that movie-buff groove back. On a whim, I decided that 2011 would be my year. My goal was to see every Best Picture nominee from the year. I’m here to review for you the ones that I have seen to date.

Three things you should know about me:

1) I embarrass easily. I prefer movies with no potty mouth and little to no skin, and certainly no dirty parts. And graphic violence makes me hide under the blanket. Movies about nuns or puppies tend to get a thumbs up for me. A movie about nuns with puppies are sheer bliss.

2) I do not read the blurb on movies or books. I don’t like spoilers.

3) There may be spoilers in this post. Please proceed with caution.

And now, without further ado, a review of the Oscar nominees my husband and I have seen so far.

Toy Story III – We’ve seen all the others. Aww. Andy’s all grown up! Wait! Mom, you moron! You just threw out Buzz and the gang! What’s wrong with you? OPEN THE BAG before you take it to the trash! Sorry. I got carried away. Okay, cute bear! No, wait! Evil bear! Psychological warfare! Are they going to melt and die?  Can toys die? Where are my dollies? I need to get them out of storage and tell them I love them forever and always.

The King’s Speech– Beautiful story, wonderfully acted. It always makes me feel good to see Bellatrix LeStrange being nice to people. I wonder if the Dark Lord told her to. Standing ovation. That was great!

Inception –  Whoa. What just happened? Wait. It’s happening again. Is it real? Am I real? Good, fun stuff. Popcorn was a little too salty.

The Social Network – Mark Zuckerberg is a real turd and Facebook is trying to take over the world. And then we watched the movie.

The Kids Are Alright – Hmm. Interesting. No, wait! Did you have to do that? Ugh, no! My eyes! MY EYES! What are they doing? No, really. I don’t get it.  Make up your mind! Him or her? And put your clothes back on! The kids may be alright, but one of their moms is kind of messed up.

We still have a few on our list that we haven’t seen, but I’m not sure I’m going to.

127 Hours seems too long for me.

True Grit is a cowboy movie, and I’ve already seen one of those. Woody nearly got killed.

Winter’s Bone sounds a little violent. Or dirty. Or cold.

Black Swan is next on the list. I think it’s about ballerinas, so it can’t be bad, right?

Another Rude Awakening

I need five more minutes. Or coffee.

It’s early. Really early. Coffee’s not even finished yet. Please don’t talk to me. I want to go back to bed, but that’s just not in the cards for me today. Ugh.

I’ve not been sleeping well, so I’ve been a little lazy recently. My husband sets his alarm for “before-the-stinkin’-rooster” and goes out for a run, carefully resetting the alarm to give me another half an hour of sleep. 39 minutes, if I decide to hit snooze. And there I was yesterday at the sound of the alarm, stumbling out of bed, tripping over shoes, trying not to brain myself on the dresser because we decided it would be ever-so-smart to put the alarm clock on the other side of the room. There was no question that it was a “snooze” day. I reached out my well-trained alarm-stopper to smack the snooze bar, only to discover IT WASN’T THERE!

I thought I wad having a dream at first, a bad one. Like needing to potty and can’t find a toilet, but noisier. If I don’t get the alarm off in time, the baby is wide awake, and that blessed nine more minutes’ shut eye is out the window. I smacked around on the top of the clock in desperation, thinking that the magic button was playing a trick on me. If I hit it hard enough, it would reappear with a big “SURPRISE!” Where was the frickin’ button? Was it my husband’s new running partner? WHERE DID THAT BUTTON GO?”!

I hit it just right, it seems. Because the radio came out. Loudly. Very, very, very loudly. And it only goes off WHEN YOU PUSH THE SNOOZE BUTTON! Squish snorted and turned over in his crib over in the corner. Even in my sleep deprived state, I realized if I gave in to my deepest desire and pounded the stupid alarm into a pile of dust with a hammer, I would probably wake the baby. So I did what I had to do. I unplugged the whole clock. Standing there with cord in hand, I realized I had just kissed my extra bit of sleep goodbye. As if I could sleep after that trauma anyway.

My husband admitted later that the clock had broken on him that morning. I feel very let down now. Alarm clocks shouldn’t break. And that one was special. It had been his grandmother’s. If a clock can’t handle 25 years of someone beating on it every morning (sometimes 3 or 4 times a morning), they just shouldn’t sell it at Wal-mart. That sucker should have lasted until retirement. I am bitter.

I forgot about the stupid clock until last night before bed. My husband had replaced it with a different model that he had bought for his office. I took an instant dislike to it. No more softly glowing red numbers. These puppies are fluorescent green and are so bright the bedroom looks like a landing strip. And it doesn’t sound like our old alarm. Instead of a gentle “beep-beep-beep” at middle C, I woke thinking someone was stepping on a bag of cats.

I don’t know where any of the buttons are. I can’t turn on the radio or set the time. But I will have to learn it all fast. I’ll have the kids help me run some snooze drills today until I know that clock so well I can work it in my sleep. Because that’s the actual point.

But look at me. It’s just now shower-time, and I am finished writing for the day. Look at me being all productive and stuff! Rather than beat on the new clock this morning, I decided to go ahead and start my day. Rather than hitting snooze, I just turned the thing off. At least, I think that’s what I did. I guess I’ll know in a few minutes!