Why Did I Get Out of Bed?

Breakfast has conspired to let me down.

My husband informed me last night as he was putting on his pajamas that we are out of oatmeal. I shrugged. I did think it was a little odd that he was putting on his pajamas to run to the store and buy my oatmeal, but he’s a boy, and boys are weird. So imagine my surprise when I get up this morning and realize he was putting his pajamas on to go to bed! It’s like our whole lives have been a lie.

I didn’t fall apart. Not totally, anyway. After I swept up the box of Cheerios I threw at his head, I remembered my backup plan.

A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law introduced me to an innovative new product called BelVita. I smiled and nodded at first, with no intention of actually eating the things because of this:

That sounds like it might hurt.

That sounds like it might hurt.

I am rather a passive type. I don’t believe I have ever grabbed anything or anyone by their biscuits. My limited knowledge of biscuits is that they are rather fragile things, preferring to be handled gently and never grabbed, lest they fall apart. I left them well enough alone.

Until a few weeks ago, when I discovered these:

Oh, dear Lord! Yes! A thousand times yes! Wait. Did I just accept this cookie's proposal? Maybe...

Oh, dear Lord! Yes! A thousand times yes! Wait. Did I just accept this cookie’s proposal? Maybe…

I bought. I know. I have read the nutritional information, so I’ll save you the trouble of telling me. They’re cookies. Breakfast cookies. Are you thinking I would oppose cookies for breakfast? Have we met? I grabbed morning by its biscuits, and with glee.

Anyway, these bad boys are my backup plan. They are just as good as they look. Maybe better. They have the power to make an oatmeal-less day almost bearable. Almost. Except for this.

If you didn’t click the link, I’ll tell you what it says. Because I like you and want you to live. It’s a recall notice. Issued 11 hours ago. Approximately the same time my husband was hauling on his flannel pajama pants. There’s a connection there, I’m pretty sure.

Wait, where was I? Oh, yeah. Nabisco has issued a recall for two flavors: apple cinnamon, and, you guessed it, chocolate.

There’s a number to call. In a way, I’m glad that they don’t expect me to take it back to where I bought them. I don’t remember where they came from exactly. I have a series of dealers stores where I get them. But they’ve asked us to just throw them away. Let me repeat. Throw them away! Am I going to take this lying down? Am I going to let a few metal bits stand between me and a chocolate buzz? I’ve got fillings. How different can they be, right? Wire mesh, fillings. Same diff.

Okay, maybe I have a problem.

***all images taken from BelVita’s very own Facebook page.