Thanks, Mr. Bill!

Sometimes you only think you’re taking one for the team.

It’s Spring Break. I know. Technically, it’s not even Spring. I don’t get to make these decisions.  When given an entire week of nothing, I’ve learned it’s good to plan at least a little something lest the critters get restless, so I planned a trip to the Tennessee Aquarium. I spend hours each week in a zoo already, but I do love to visit other facilities. The Padawan has had his heart set on being a marine biologist since he was three. We’re members. We make the trip several times a year.

That being said, we’re members. We visit several times a year, and we have done so for ten years or more, thirty or more visits. After a while, I feel like I’ve seen what there is to see. I do have my favorite exhibits. Turtles, anyone? But lately we haven’t been spending as long in each building as we used to. We know what’s there. We’ve read the signage. We’ve been, we’ve done.

And then there was yesterday. At first glance, our choice of days seemed a poor one. The place was crawling with kids; swarms of them, busloads of them, schools of them. But we’d made the two hour trip, so we were there, for better or worse. It was for better. When we picked up our tickets, the young lady at the counter advised us as to the location of a table where we could sign up for behind the scenes tours. Actual tours. Behind the scenes. For free. So we did. And that’s where we met Mr. Bill.

For our first tour, he took us behind the scenes in Rivers of the World and let the kids feed the fish. Those same fish we have been pals with for ten years? Yeah, my kids got to feed them. Mr. Bill handed out little handfuls of pellets and explained to the kids how to do it properly. He taught them about the species and how to identify males from females. And despite the distractions around them, his audience paid close attention. The man knows how to talk to kids.

How cool is this? No swimming, right?

Heeeere, fishy, fishy!

We’re here! A little more, please?

I’ve kept fish for close to thirty years. Wow, does that make me feel old. I’ve fed them hundreds of times. No biggie. But the kids getting to help take care of a collection of fish at a world-renowned aquarium? That, friends, is a biggie. Even for the most jaded of folks.

Our second tour met right after we finished the first one, and it was with great delight that we saw our guide was none other than Mr. Bill. He led us to a classroom deep in the heart of the building and gave us an up close and personal encounter with my favorite things: turtles and toads.

We met an ornate box turtle who made quite a show of trying to snap his handler’s fingers, a snapping turtle who was far more docile, and a barking tree frog.

No snapping. Today is box turtle’s day.

Barking tree frog

Ornate box turtle with an appetite for fingers. No touching!

I can’t pick a favorite. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I can. It’s this guy.

Marine toad. He’s as big as he looks, about six or seven inches across. Invasive in Australia, but look at that face!

 

I’ve kept reptiles and amphibians for thirteen years. I have acted as an educator in a zoo for almost as long. And Mr. Bill still taught me some stuff. That’s no small feat.

When we were finished with our tours and encounters, we were all set to enjoy the rest of the afternoon at the Aquarium, and we did. But I didn’t need to. The hour we spent with Mr. Bill getting to see things we had never seen before were worth the two hour drive. If I hadn’t gotten to see another thing, I would still have left happy.

Thank you to the Tennessee Aquarium for offering the Keeper Kids program for free during Spring Break. And thank you to Mr. Bill for breathing new life into some old favorites. I’m tentatively planning another trip down this week. That’s how good it was. If you have a kid in your possession, or if you can borrow one (I cannot advocate stealing, though), hop in the car before April 15 and head for the Tennessee Aquarium. Spaces in the tours are limited.

 

Best photo bomb EVER!

But then he wouldn’t leave. Attention hog!

Oscar the sea turtle. He lost his back flippers in an enounter with a boat propeller, and now he lives here.

Baby gators. The smallest I have ever seen. On loan from St. Augustine, another recommended destination.

This post wasn’t sponsored in any way, shape, or form by the Tennessee Aquarium. No octopus or marine toad changed hands. Although if they’d like to make an offer, I’m listening.

Take That, Pinterest!

You may remember that I’m not on Pinterest. I have my reasons, and the rest of civilized society has theirs for not wanting me there. I’m about to give you another one.

Recently, I flew the friendly skies. “Friendly” is a bit of a stretch; more like a-little-TOO-friendly-and-with-very-poor-personal-boundaries skies. Other than a quick pat-down and an agent freak-out over the rice sock I brought to soothe my sore knee, my travels were uneventful. I even managed to fit a souvenir for the kids into my carry-on.

Imagine their delight when they were each presented with their very own airsickness bag. The Padawan was so overcome with emotion that he had to leave the room. Or maybe he went to play the Wii. He was gone for a long time. I’m pretty sure it was emotion, though.

Motion discomfort bags (or as Squish calls them, “barf bags”) are the perfect gift for any child, prompting hours of dramatic play. Squish walked around all afternoon pretending to throw up in his. Think of how well-prepared he will be for a life of travel, and as an added bonus, when he moves to the top bunk, I can just hand him a bag and he’ll already have his aim down pat. Or he could learn to pack his own lunch. Barf bags are waxed on the inside to prevent spillage. So many possibilities in one small bag.

Our favorite use, though, is for craft time. There’s something for everyone. Look what one small motion-discomfort bag can do for you and your family.  Click to embiggenate.

Look at the joy on that young face! There is nothing like quality time with family.

Building concentration and focus.

Pride in workmanship.

Even teens enjoy these activities.

How do you put a price on creativity?

Airline ticket: $400

Barf bag: free

Quality time with family: $400 + $100 food costs + $20 gas to airport + $36 long-term parking

Adventures With Squish

Unlike the other two kids, Squish has been pretty much a homebody. I don’t know if it’s just his busy little personality or the fact that we parents are now outnumbered, but it has felt much easier to stay close to home. We haven’t even gone to see relatives very often because Squish has taken then need for child-proofing to whole new levels. Rather than constantly remove diamond jewelry from his jaws and spray cleanser from his paws, we’ve opted out. We email pictures when we can so that family remembers what he looks like, but we’ve gone light on personal appearances.

Now that he is over three I was struck by a moment of insanity inspiration. The Padawan turned 10, and we were thinking of ways to celebrate his birthday. For the last few years, he hasn’t even been interested in a birthday party. Whew! I mean, er, awww fudge! He’s a Lego fanatic, so I came up with the brilliant idea of taking him out of state to an actual Lego Discovery Center. There was but one catch. Squish had to come, too.

My husband’s main concern was whether he would sleep in the hotel room. I reminded him that we’d have our two boys plus a pal of the Padawan’s. Would any of us sleep? Good point, he conceded. And we took the reins, bit the bullet, and every other pioneer metaphor you can think of, and we hit the dusty trail (look! There’s another one!).

The drive down was the longest of my life not too bad. One enforced rest stop and four hours later, Squish’s assessment is “This is really not fun for me.” Agreed. But he fluffed back up when we got to Legoland.

I had no idea what to expect at Legoland, but what I did not expect was a couple hundred screaming children and lines longer than Dollywood. But Squish maintained. He didn’t even ask us to buy him anything in the gift shop. He did great at the fast food restaurant with only one tiny incident when he announced to his fellow diners “I’m about to poop my pants!” I, of course, grabbed him up by the middle and hauled tail to the bathroom. He threw out his little chicken wings and screamed “I’m flying!” But whatever. I’m never going to see those people again. What do I care what they think?

The real fun began in the hotel room. I had no idea that hotel room beds were so very bouncy until I turned around to catch Squish on the vertical. I managed to intervene before he cracked his coconut on the ceiling. Squish is a born physicist, but it seems that no matter how often he experiences Newton’s laws, he doesn’t quite get it through his head without bloodshed. Usually his own. One day he’ll just know this stuff, right?

Though it was pouring rain outside and he had a touch of the runs, thus eliminating (sorry) the pool as an evening activity, he discovered the wonders of hotel room cable. And three different PBS stations. Feels like home.

The hotel has been the best part of the trip so far! Don’t talk to me! Dinosaur Train is on.

And then came bedtime. Do I really need to say that he didn’t want to go to sleep? We tried turning out the lights and just watching the Olympics (yay! More volleyball!). We tried turning off the sound and just watching USA win by the skin of their teeth. No dice. In desperation, I told the big kids that we were going to have to turn everything off until Squish went to sleep. Guess how long that took? Under three minutes. He went from jumping on his dad’s head to thumb sucking coma in about 200 seconds. Things got interesting.

I remembered why I don’t co-sleep. In the dead of night, Squish sprouted several extra arms and legs. All the better to pummel me with, my dear. And boy did he. I don’t think I slept for more that two hours total. If he wasn’t kicking me in the stomach, he was sprawling over my head or sticking his feet in my face. I finally put him between myself and my husband to keep him from propelling himself out of bed. I think I took the brunt of the battering, but none of us looked any good the next day.

It was the longest night of my life. I’m surprised the hotel didn’t charge us more for all the additional hours that were packed into the night.

Know Before You Go: Legoland Discovery Center

When we got home from our vacation, I wrote two letters. One, a letter to the Fairview Inn and Suites thanking them for an amazing stay. Seriously. The best part of the trip! Indoor pool, clean room, unbelievably courteous and helpful staff (one person offered to bring us more popcorn to our room if we ran out), fitness center with state of the art equipment, continental breakfast that included a make-your-own-waffle bar and fresh fruit. We’d go back again just to stay at the hotel.

The second letter was not as happy. It was to the Legoland Discovery Center in Atlanta, the biggest disappointment of our trip. If you’ve got a  Lego fan in your life, here’s what you need to know before you pay a visit.

It’s expensive. Tickets for the five of us set us back about $80. The site encourages visitors to order tickets online in order to receive priority, so we did. We learned that “priority” doesn’t mean that you get to the head of the line at anything. It means that you get in the door. And if you arrive an hour after your scheduled time, they don’t actually have to let you in if it’s busy.

It’s poorly laid out. After getting our ticket, we were sent into a room that measured about 20×30. Maybe less. It contained five or six large elements and some Lego statuary and was apparently their “factory.” A guide explained how Lego bricks are made, which was interesting. The problem was that the doors on either side closed on us, essentially trapping us in the room, as both sets of doors were automatic and had no handles on the inside. They allow 25 people in this room at a time, which is too many to move comfortably.

When the doors finally opened, we were walked toward a rats’ maze where we were to stand in line for the shoot ’em up game. Except that the line actually blocked the exit from the factory completely. In order to get out, we had to walk through the wall of people waiting in line. I was claustrophobic and ready to leave at that point.

Duplos rule the day. In the whole facility, there were only two areas to build with actual Lego bricks. There was a master builder classroom that can hold a max of about 20 people. Classes were held about every half-hour. The instructor taught them how to build a cube. The other Lego construction area was a build-your-own-race-car area. Builders could test their constructions on two five-foot “J” shaped ramps. Sadly, every single car flew up at the end of its run and either hit someone or left the area completely and became a tripping hazard. There were no attendants at this element. Squish was hit in the head twice.

If your kid considers Duplos  to be beneath them, there won’t be a whole lot for them to do.

There are height restrictions and requirements. The informational map you can pick up at rest stops and restaurants is actually the same one you get at Legoland. It indicates there are such restrictions, but it doesn’t tell you what they are. The soft play area (what my son considered to be the only decent element in the place) is for 54 inches and under. The wizard ride is for 36 inches and above.

caveat: Height restriction applies to parents, too. Unless parents are smaller than 54 inches, they are not allowed to accompany their child into the soft-play area. This means that younger children may not be able to navigate the climbing portion of the structure unless they have an older child to help them. It also means that your toddler may get stuck in a high elements with much bigger and rougher kids, and you can’t see them at all from the ground.

There are lines for almost everything. Lines were shorter at Dollywood. There’s a section where kids can create a construction out of Duplos and see if it withstands an earthquake. There were stations for five or six kids at a time. There were at least 150 kids there that day.

The Lego store has no exclusive items, and their prices are very high .  For the die-hard collector, there’s nothing better than laying hands on something you can’t get anywhere else.  Look elsewhere. Everything in the store can be purchased at Target or Wal-mart for a much lower price. One set we saw was 50% more expensive than it is at Wal-mart.

Other Lego stores are better stocked. They have a little bin where visitors can build three mini-figures for  a set price. At other stores, you get a body, head, hat or hair, and an accessory. At this store, there were no accessories at all, and only  couple of kinds of hair, three different hats, and four bodies. They  also have a small section of “pick a brick” where you can buy Lego bricks by the ounce. The selection of bricks, though, is poor.

My son had been saving his money for months for this trip. He ended up buying nothing. His assessment of the store was “I can get it for less somewhere else.” Dear Lego store, when a 10-year-old Lego freak with a pocket full of cash refuses to spend any of it in your store, you’ve missed the mark somewhere.

You can’t get real reviews on their website. In addition to picking only positive reviews to post (they’ve only got two reviews up at the moment), they reserve the right to edit your post. I would expect that they would only pick the good ones since it’s their site, but it’s creepy that they can edit your post.

One positive: The one thing in the facility that isn’t exorbitantly expensive is the food. The larger combos are for a family of 4, but individual portions weren’t that costly.

My advice: If your child is between the ages of 4-8, it is not a weekend, the tickets are free, and you’re in the Atlanta area anyway, it might be worth visiting Legoland Discovery Center. Otherwise, take the money you would have spent and buy a really, really cool Lego set. You’ll have something to show for it, and you may not lose your faith in the Lego company.

***Update: I did get an email response from someone at Legoland. He assured me that right after our visit, the Lego store restocked their merchandise and now has exclusive items. It’s not worth my money to travel back down there to verify. It appears, also, that all exclusive items can be found on the website. Save a trip and order online.