Because I Aim To Please

I know it’s no longer Valentine’s day. I also remember that I already wrote a post on search terms.  Bear with me. This post is especially for my new pal. Well, not so much pal as person who wound up here after searching “What to expect for Valentine’s day from my passive aggressive husband.” Now you understand why I am compelled to write this.

A box of fat-free chocolates – because, well, you know.

A gym membership – though you have never once mentioned wanting to join a gym. See above.

Racy underwear – in the wrong size. From Wal-mart.

A Valentine’s card with someone else’s name on it 

A lovely flower arrangement -containing poison ivy and  a sprig of hemlock

A candlelit dinner – from Paco’s All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Stand

A bottle of wine – the best that Boone’s Farm has to offer

A charm bracelet – from a vending machine

A bag of candy – containing the nuts you’re deathly allergic to

A vacuum  cleaner – because the one you have obviously isn’t working very well

A box of tiny chocolates – with the words “Ex-lax” stamped on the top of each candy

A new cordless drill – Just like he’s you’ve been hoping for

I didn’t post this on Valentine’s day because all of your lovely surprises might have been ruined. You’re welcome.


I Love You Because

I admire your sense of style. 

Technically, it was a Halloween costume. But this is the kid that asked for owl vomit for Christmas

You let me dress you funny.

He will hate me one day. But for now, plays along.

You love  me even though I wouldn’t know a Geonosian from a Clone Trooper. 

The kid loves Star Wars more than life.

You haven’t killed each other yet.

This is an old picture, so you'll have to take my word for it. They're all still alive.

You appreciate the value of naps. 

You can caption this one yourself. I go with "Awwww! But I'm still not having another one."

You lead me to amazing places.

Following my dreams

Happy Valentine’s day!